I tend to forget sometimes what it was like to first arrive in Bangkok. I first came for business and had my hands full with almost no time to go out. It was not until the 3rd night that I was free but I had a friend who lived in Thailand, spoke Thai fluently and decided to introduce me to the naughty nightlife. This was not without some prior discussion though - I had decided having traveled a lot through Asia that going to normal nightclubs or trying to pick up regular girls was basically pointless. I could do that in every other city so why here? Instead I choose to see what really only Thailand has. Bars with girls. Girls who will go home with u or wherever and generally show u a good time. For a price that is. I knew this was not normal and different than the rest of the world but hey - u only live once. I could chase the normal girls on my return to HK. Point is - if you are a FOB(fresh off the boat) but without a tutor - how do u deal with it? As I would tell others who I introduced to Bangkok - make sure u are prepared for it because u won’t be the same. I am bringing this up because I was sitting next to a FOB the other day who was severely struggling with his first day in Bangkok.
Before I get into it I have a couple of comments. I can’t resist. To the 2 Thai guys in the weird outfits on the big pink motorcycles who I saw outside the Conrad the other night. U look like channels 7s version of the made for Thai TV show based on Saturday Nght Live’s Ambiguously Gay Super heroes but yet there is nothing ambiguous about u 2. Go figure.
More: As u head down Long Suan towards Lumpini u will pass a small bar on the left called Sheba. It is Bangkok’s leading lesbian bar. It kills me though. 1. Every time I pass by at night there are always a few cuties outside. I get excited cause I know they are carpet munchers. Turns me on. 2. I read in the paper once, this is how I learned Sheba was a dyke bar, that there are not enough girls for other girls to pick up on at the bar. Being it is so close to Lumpini I keep thinking I should pick up a couple of girls from the park and head back to Sheba to see what trouble we can get in. Somehow help their market inefficiencies. Of course all of this is a strange comparison to the other bar named Shebas on Soi Cowboy where there appears to be a pretty healthy marketplace. I digress.
So I am sitting in Morning Night having a diet coke and talking to my friend, their one gay bartender, and discussing bar girl stories. Talking to the gay guys is great cause they will discuss anything and they will tell stories about the bar girls that the bar girls won’t tell. Next thing I know this guy next to me asks if I know Bangkok. Sure. Probably better than some but not all. He says he is new and wants to ask a few questions. Sure. I bite.
He says he is staying on Soi 4 and this is the second bar he has been in. He wanted to know if all the girls are like - well prostitutes. So I stepped him back a bit and when through my complete Thailand 101 speech before we went further. This helped but I realized he had never been out of England and the idea that gorgeous young girls could also be hookers was freaking him out. I told him poverty is a powerful aphrodisiac. That seemed to confuse him more.
He then said he was in Bullys on his first night and the bartender gave him her number. I was like cool. Call her. He asked was she a working girl. I said yeah - a bartender. He was not too quick. He was trying to get at would she want money. I said for what? He said for sex. I said I doubt she sleeps with u but give it a try. He was confused. So then I stepped back again and said look. Everyone wants something. Maybe she wants a friend and she won’t give u sex. Maybe she will bang your brains out for nothing but deep down she wants a boyfriend. How do u know until u try? This led to a broader discussion where we always get to with some of the younger guys. Well - I won’t pay for it he said. We have discussed this before - here. So I was said what are u doing staying on Soi 4 and coming to these bars. He said he would pay drinks and take them out but not pay for sex. I told him I bet u wont get any then but good luck trying. He said his friend told him to stay on Soi 4 cause it was fun. I told him your friend probably paid for some sex then. All this was really too much for him.
He then said where do I go where there are not working girls. I told him many places but asked him was he wanting to get laid eventually. He said yes but he only had a week in Thailand. I told him try as he might I bet he does not get laid with a non working Thai girl in five days with his lack of Thai, the fact that he does not dress well and that they would know he was just a tourist. I told him to focus on the white girls on holiday since they tend to be pretty easy while in Thailand. I think its the competition. Point was I realized how much this guy was struggling with a country that is full of women and where as a country they don’t mind paying for sex. He tended to take the girls interest in him at the Morning Night bar as a sign of how cool he was. I told him good luck and just to have some fun since that is really what is all about. Just so I don’t get a ton of comments. I know u can go find non working girls and get them in bed. My point was that with all his confusion and his lack of knowledge about the place that he would probably not fair to well. Meaning I just did not see this guy heading to RCA and pulling but I could be wrong.
The FOB must have been brain dead !
View all comments by Mr. Lee
This blog is the bomb! Funny shit and on my “to be read” list.
Just heard they closed Santika on Ekamai! Is it true? This place was a gold mine of talent!
View all comments by Same same
I remember when I was FOB. Now, I am no expert, but when I arrive in BKK in March, it will be my third trip with a total of about 8 weeks in Thailand, BKK, Phuket, Pattaya… I was extreamly lucky in the fact that my first trip was visiting a good friend who had been working in BKK for about a year. He was able to show me around, have his Thai GF introduce me to her friends, visit all the hot clubs with his company car and driver, great vacation. The most important was going to Cowboy and having him explain how everything worked. I never had the problem of “paying for it” as I was married, no divorced, so I know U always pay for it!!
View all comments by Glenn
Loved this piece.
Also brought back memories to me too. When you come to BKK, prepare to spend money, cos you will never get as much enjoyment than spending it here.
One tip: when you offer to buy a girl a drink in England, she either thinks your a pervert or a loser. Buy a girl a drink in BKK, & see where it takes you.
I also like finding a new bar, & acting like a newbie(FOB). Its all good fun.
View all comments by Andy
WOW. This is getting quite the reads. What a topic. Not sure if my following alice down the rabbit hole will compare but I digress.
Mr. Lee. Not brain dead but possibly just too much time in England dealing with English women.
Same Same. Glad u like it. We do try. As for Sandika we found it quite odd. It seems to be a complete leveling. One theory is Thaksin is going to build the new TETWBP party headquarters so he is closer to the hotties that frequent Ekkamai. FYI TETWBP is THAIS EVADING TAXES WHILE BEING PRIME MINISTER party. He created it. The other rumor is they are building a new club. Only time will tell.
Glenn. It only feels like the first time once. So perfect when u having someone who knows to show u around. The important lesson here is nothing is free but -
Andy points out well that every freaking dollar can be well spent in BKK unlike anywhere else on the planet.
carry on
View all comments by smitty
Just an update on your burgers. I was concerned that the old chefs were no more, & you had just recruited new ones. Scary, how were the burgers now going to be? Well, for all vistors requiring a western burger fix, the Mango Burgers are still the best. Whilst on food subject, the burgers round the pool at Grand Sukhumvit are good, but the scenery & surroundings are not so! And if there are any Brits who need a Sunday dinner fix in the vicinity of Nana, try Bus Stop. Its a decent sunday dinner, running Monday to Friday.
View all comments by Andy
Andy - u da man. U could add they could get some proper english food at the duke…
View all comments by smitty
Yep, the Duke is the Dude. Went to the Mango boys new venture. Was going to play safe by having steak, but was convinced to try the Ham, Mushroom & Chicken pie with mash. Good, shut up, you can’t get it this good in the UK any more. The good thing about all the places I eat British food, in BKK, it doesn’t feel like you are in an English Pub/Bar in Benidorm. Thank F**K.
View all comments by Andy
The other theory is they are going to use the cement from the Santika rubble to patch the airport runways. Just a theory!
View all comments by Same same
Santika is being rebuilt. They have a mini-Santika just around the corner operating at the moment. Its pretty bad, but there is a shuttle from the carpark of the old Santika that leaves about every 5 minutes or so while it is open. The new Santika opens on February 14 according to the signage.
View all comments by Oldbarfly
Good news… but I thought the old one had a great set up… Only in thailand would they demolish a nice huge club to build a nicer huger one
View all comments by Same same
Well, I was a FOB a few weeks ago in BKK. Landed at 11:50 pm at the aiprot, was in a taxi at 12:30 am, and by 2:15 am was back in my hotel with a Thai cutie doing the horizontal tango … of course, I had done my homework on the web and due to everybody’s good advice knew what to expect…
View all comments by Gandralf