The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

Dr. Drew and this guy Adam used to have this Radio call in program for teens and young adults to ask pretty much everything about love, sex, drugs and the pair would respond with very frank and usually quite funny answers. I loved it and was always amazed with how stupid some of the questions were but enjoyed the answers none the less. Ever read Savage Love? Another column filled with off the wall questions and even better answers. All this has me inspired and using the U of Mango platform I will publicly respond to some of the questions we get at the blog using my keen sense of moral high ground, the lack of being breast feed as a baby while taking into account the rules of the Twilight Zone.

Here we go.

1. When dating a normal girl in Thailand(non bar girl, not a massage girl, not a dancer at a club, not a bar girl in a previous life and so on) is it appropriate while we sit in a club or something for me to put her hand on my private parts during our first date?

editor - This would be inappropriate. This cannot happen until the 3 or 4th date but never fear since u r living in Thailand this should not pose any problems. In the rest of the world when dating someone new there is typically a warming up period where the new couple dances around the delicate issue of when to go to bed together knowing they both want it but yet not wanting to give in for the first month or so of dating to portray a common grasp of morality. That’s all good in places like the US but this is Thailand. Date this new girl for as long as u need to in order to find out if she is the one and in the meantime there is no reason to suffer the dreaded North American Blue Balls Syndrome. Be discreet - hit Lotitas after dark, get a “massage” or go the nearest ICC for some temporary accommodations. Don’t push the the new relationship too early since there is no reason to. We know in places like North America men will have a tendency to drunk dial a girl after dating her a few times and claim he loves her in hopes he will get invited over for some nookie before the the month of dating has transpired but this should not happen in Thailand. Hold your high head high - carry on.

2. I was on holiday in Samui and met a gorgeous young Thai girl who says she is different and after 2 nights together of partying, long walks on the beach, holding each other and talking in low voices she has asked if she can come back to Bangkok with me and stay for a while?

editor - Wow, this is a tough one since she does like to hold u but let’s just say no to the coming back to Bangkok together and save u from dreaded TGEP. TGEP is time consuming, costly and sometimes leads to express getaways out of Thailand. TGEP is the Thai Girlfriend Extraction Process and is typically easier said than done. The offers to cook, clean, not get in your way, look after u in the bedroom and give you free time to explore the go go bars with your buddies all sound good on paper and usually last about 2 months but after that having your wisdom teeth pulled without any pain killer start to look like better options. Check out of the bungalow, ride to the airport alone and pat yourself on the back for making the right choice. BTW - the definition for being different requires that she possesses 3 breasts or something that everyone universally agrees on is truly different.

3. I have been getting regular visits by a totally hot Thai girl who has recently broken up with her boyfriend. The sex is hot, the conversation is light and it is just feeling a little too good to be true I don’t want to give up the good times but I don’t really want a girlfriend either? Any advice.

editor - This phenomenon is something we call make-up sex. Yes - I am sure you have heard of this before and it generally refers to the feelings that a couple experiences after having a big fight or a short break-up followed by a frenzied reunion. Well the general rule still applies but substitute yourself into the equation rather than her ex. After that the experience is generally the same but don’t let her move in, keep it light and make sure she knows what the deal is.

Keep em coming…