The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

Total newbies stare off the Balcony into Nana Plaza and sometimes ask a very simple question - tell me how it all work. Sounds generic enough but I get what they mean - they need to have the scene broken down for them in simple terms. I usually try to do my best and frankly always enjoy giving this answer since it helps me to remember how amazing it all really is.

You got your gogo bars. Go in gogo bar. Order drink.
Tell pushy mamasan(that motherly looking older Thai lady who keeps
hassling you but they may not always be a lady) to leave u alone so u
can look at the girls without being harrassed(Rainbow 4). Then pick one
or maybe two but will discuss this later since it is more complicated
then u think. Chat her up. Find some hint of compatibility and if so.
Pay the bar. Leave gogo bar with said girl. Enuff said.

Beer bar. Bar beer. Daytime drinking joint. Call it what u will. It
is a bar. Serves booze that u can start consuming by 10 am if u so
desire. Some beer bars have food, pool tables, live bands, video games
but for sure most beer bars will have bargirls. Same deal. Buy bargirl
a drink. Chat her up. Make sure the stars have aligned. Pay barfine. Go
forth. Pretty cool eh? I remember taking my buddy on his first day in
Bkk to the old pool/beer bars that used to be at the corner of Sukumvit
and Asoke near Soi Cowboy. Kind of dumpy small bars with old pool
tables but a good place to go for early afternoon hunting. We were
playing some pool with a nice girl from Northeast Thailand who happened
to be a very good pool player and who we happened to enjoy watching
while she played pool. Amazing rack, not the pool rack - her rack, low
cut shirt and well u get it. My friend was like man she is hot. I
confirmed - yes she is. How about we pay the barfine and take her with
us to the next place so we can use her to impress people with how well
the girl we picked plays pool. Or take her for some other reason. My
friend was like - what do you mean? We can just take her. Well we have
to ask her first but my guess is she won’t say no. He was floored. We
can just take her like that? Well no sir u can’t. Have to pay the bar
500 baht first. Ah yes. The first timers realization of how easy it all
really is. FYI - we did not take her since it was the first bar of the
day and I never pull at the first place we visit.

Walk around Bkk at the right hours, almost any hour will do, and u
will see in the right parts of town (try Sukumvit between Soi 1 and Soi
23) girls looking at u suggestively while telling u they want to go
with u. Go figure. Same deal as the gogo/beer bar but u don’t have a
bar and u don’t pay a bar fine. Usually no mamasan too but u never
know. These girls are freelancers roaming the street, hanging out at
bars/clubs(Qbar, Angels Disco in Nana Hotel, Sukumvit Soi 1 Club at the
top of the Sukumvit Soi Beer Bar Building, …). I suggest only picking
up freelancers when u have had some normal Thailand bar girl/gogo bar
experiences since if something were to go wrong (she steals from u, she
drugs u, she is a freak) - you don’t have any recourse in trying to
deal with the aftermath. Trust me on this one. I doubt you will go see
the local boys in brown, the Thai police, to explain to them u picked
up some random girl from the street and she stole your wallet. Not much
u can do about this one. So practice up before u try to pick up some
local freelancers - or what some of us affectionately call - street
meat.

The other major outlets/recepticles in town are the massage places,
the fishbowls, or the soapies. These are sometimes over the top looking
spectacles, like Poiseden on Ratchada, that contain a restaurant, a
bar, Karoke rooms and yes the obligatory fishbowl. A reverse theatre of
sorts. U sit in a chair and look into a large glassed of room where
girls sit on podiums on display for u to pick. The attendant, usually
male, tells u to pick a girl and he will go fetch her. Usually they
have numbers or just tell him what u are looking for and he can pick
for u. Point is. Behind the glass are many girls. Pick one or maybe 2
if u think it will work. Pay the bill and go to a nice sized room with
a bed, huge tub and a tv. Let her take it from there. Bangkok and many
other major Thai cities are full of these places and they range from
amazing, to lame, to in the need of a makeover/simple updating(Little
Darlings on Soi 12 could use some help), or just plain perfect - like Tulip.
It just works. On Sukumvit near the Thong Lor Skytrain Station. Or
walk/taxi to Sukumvit 36 and walk on Sukumvit past Sukumvit 36 and look
for Tulip on your right had side. So if u are walking the direction of
traffic on Sukumvit would be towards u - the opposite direction you are
walking. So if u are near the Thong Lor station and don’t see Tulip -
then chances are u need to get to the other side of Sukumvit. Tulip is
cool. Somewhat bizarre in that is looks like a real/normal massage
place but once u walk in u get the feeling much more is possible. Yes -
so much more. I am sure u can figure out what to do but note the girls
are downstairs waiting for u and all u need to do is pick one and
decide on how much time u need for your  "massage". 90 minutes works.

I was all over the map for this one but just wanted to give a little
rundown of the different options available. So much more to talk
about…