The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

I had just returned from the party. Dropped my bag, repacked and headed out. A buddy was in town and it was time to party. Pattaya beckoned. I have a love/hate relationship with Pattaya but lately - the more I live in Bangkok the more I appreciate Pattaya. Going to Pattaya can feel like the way Thailand did for the first time. No one knows me, I can party my ass off, I can wander around with random bargirls in tow and I can basically just lose it. There is some value in that when working and living in Bangkok can sometimes lose its magic.

There are still things I hate about Pattaya. The Eastern Euro Trash who seem to think clubs are the best places to go to start shit and pick fights. The Tony Soprano lookalike, lobster red from over exposure, wearing an all too revealing banana hammock while crossing beach road straight arming the traffic. The Indian suit touts who try to shake your hand, touch you or otherwise impede your path long enough to try and peddle their cheap suits. Does anyone actually buy shit from these people? Don’t encourage them please. So yes, Pattaya can be too much. I would never live there but for a few days I can really tear it up.

Day 1

Settled into the Rising Sun on Soi 13/1. Cheap and easy. No other reason really.

We head over to the Blue Parrot on Soi 13/4 for some dinner. I realized something had changed when I did not see any familiar faces and the menu was new. Not sure if the owners changed hands or what but the food was not as good either. Bummer. After a bout with the pitcher of Margaritas I did not seem to care but it seems the Blue Parrot is not quite as good.

We flew the roost and headed to check out the talent at Superbaby. Yeah - I know. I go every time and I don’t even pull but that is not what matters. What matters is I enjoy a quality consistent gogo. The girls are cool, there are tons of natural nice breasts, the service is good, the music is the best in Pattaya and the shows are fun. I dig the place. I also appreciate the male management and think it is a welcome change over the normally pushy female mamasans. The cool thing about the male staff is you can ask them about the girls - much in the same manner one inquires about a massage girl at one of the fishbowls.

So as I was ogling a cutie with big tits, magnetic smile and some cracking dance moves, one of the managers asked me what I thought of her. He did not say do u want to barfine. He did not say go boom boom. He just asked what I thought of her. I said she looks fun. He called her over and asked how she was in bed.

“I am not good in bed but I can do it many times, even during short time, and I like sex.”

What can I say. U have to love the honesty. See Pattaya is just a little over the top. Earlier in the day while I was perusing a copy of Pattaya Nights at a beer bar one of the girls flipped open to a page and pointed out her sister and told me where she worked. She said I should go barfine her because she gives good blow jobs. Well. U gotta love that. Nice sister.

Take this Spa sign on one of the main roads in Pattaya. You would never seen this in other parts of the world. In America the NOW would burn the place down but in Pattaya this is normal. Why would one go to a Spa that did not have pretty girls? Seems logical to me.

We rocked out at Superbaby for a bit and then headed upstairs to Heavens Above but this time it was a letdown. Broken aircon, not too many girls and the vibe was just off. I was bummed but I knew it meant there was just other places to go instead.

So we headed into Club Electric Blue to check it out. Nothing special really but it was a decent enough place. No undies, some nice girls but no breasts showing. The music was cool and the lesbian show was full frontal but felt contrived. I still say the lesbian show at Suzie Wongs on Soi Cowboy is the best. We did buy a few ladydrinks and had no complaints but we needed to move on.

From CEB we head over to Happy GoGo. I like Happy since they get pretty naked, have barfineable hostesses and generally some good tunes. So there we were sitting in a booth - my friend with a cute hostess(she was tiny) and myself with a 20 old Isaan spinner grinding away in my lap. All for the price of one ladydrink. After a while we decided to barfine so we could go clubbing. We both handed over some cash and waited for my girl to go change. About 5 minutes later she came back, still in her g-string with a see through top, to tell me that her boss was making her go with one of his friends even though I had already paid the bar. She was clearly bummed about it, later I would fine out why, and asked me if I could come back the next night. At that point I was not interested in the next day but only about our plans for the night and she no longer was a part of them. She handed me my money back and frowned. I told her no worries and we moved on.

Just a quick how-to-run-a-bar segway here. I had already paid the bar and was ready to roll. Okay so the owner’s friend is in town - big fucking deal. So now this lame ass Farang owner has bummed out his own employee, Thai girls don’t want and should not be made to go with people they don’t choose. The cool thing about the Thai gogo bar system is they can say no. So on top of bumming out his own bargirl the owner has lost a good customer who likes Happy but will avoid it, write about it and tell his friends to stay away. It is a rookie maneuver since it makes it seem like the owner calls the shots - not the girls or the customers. Anyway. Lame. Remember the customer is the king - not the owner.

From Happy we went over to Marine 1 disco but since it was not busy and had a live band on we popped into Peppermint to see what was going on. Peppermint can be fun with the hordes of naked girls, the topless bartenders, the naked cages and the pumping tunes. Not the hottest girls but enough cute ones and a fun atmosphere. My friend’s barfine kept trying to setup me up with ugly girls and figured I was into it because they were her friend. I told her to get a clue since I did not care if they were her friends. It was like she thought she was helping me or something. I did keep my eyes peeled though and saw a cutie with a rocking body. Barfine paid we headed out for one more gogo before hitting Marine.

Another sidenote. Sometimes people think that Pattaya is somehow not related to the same laws or rules that Bangkok is. My theory on this is simple - big dudes in the military and government don’t live in or around Pattaya so Pattaya just gets away with more. However why we were in Peppermint the lights flickered and a buzzer went off and all the naked and/or underage girls fled the room. Same deal in Bkk when stuff like that happens. After this the gogo was just like being in Nana with the amount of clothing and so on. I also noticed that Nana was shutting at 1 all this week while in Pattaya apart from the after hours places things were quite quiet. So it seems we are in the same boat.

BTW. At Peppermint I saw my almost but not barfine from Happy. She looked miserable. She was being groped and fondled by a Willie Nelson looking dude with bad teeth. I felt sorry for her really since clearly she was forced into it.

Off to the Beach Club. The Beach Club is on the same soi as AW. It is a table dancing place with a gogo. The music is okay, the booths are cool but they do not have enough girls and the table dancing girls are not hot. We had one round and blew out for Marine 1 disco.

Okay. Here are some new bar shenanigans I noticed that I don’t like. When we ordered drinks my Peppermint girl told the service guy her bar and number. Seems she got a ticket for the drink through some bar affiliation system even though the bars do not share owners. I think this is lame. That means I am still paying ladydrink prices even though I paid bar and it means these girls will try to route u to bars they can drink money from. I have not seen this before and I think it is totally lame.

Okay. Gogo bars done for tonight we head to Marine 1. I dig Marine 1. Pumping tunes, tons of freelancers, bunches of Farang tweaking and just an over the top carnival scene. We got into it. So much so that I started perving on everything and ignored my barfine. So much so she asked to go home. Some story about her sister but I didn’t care and let her go. She did not ask for anything either so that was cool. My friend dumped his barfine and we cruised. We met some cool freelancers but saw no reason to do anything but party. We closed Marine and headed to Marine 2.

Marine 2 sucks. It is a like an old hotel meeting room with a lame bar, bad lighting, sucky DJ and no place to put drinks. If u absolutely must carry the party past Marine 1 opening times then I would head to some of the small bars on walking street with some pumping music and party scene. A better option than Marine 2 unless you are still looking to pull but there is always the street at that point anyway.

Day 2 soon…