editor’s note: For a different take on beer might want to read Pants Elk.
What else?
It may come as a surprise for you, but where I’m coming from beer is not a highly rated drink despite all the marketing efforts made by the brewers, only the north of France being more beer friendly.
Here people drink beer especially during summer, mainly to quench their thirst. Of course we have our preferred brands, but the choice is not the complex affair choosing the appropriate wine is.
Beer is not considered glamorous; I would even say it has still a low-class connotation, because it is associated with popular outdoor activities, working classes, bad manners such as belching, prominent bellies and a bitterness that can kill the sense of taste.
In the cities, guess what the dropouts seated on the kerb are drinking or which bottles you find broken on the pavement? You get the picture.
In my early contacts with some British workmates, I have been very surprised to see them order large draft beers before meals as an aperitif, even during the winter. Because of the volume, the many bubbles and the bitterness, these beers were not very likely to open their appetite. But I would be soon horrified to see them order beers for lunch or diner as well, ignoring the local customs and skipping the wines that were advised by the sommelier.
In China, I have been even more surprised to see people mix tea, soup and beer, alternatively taking a sip at each one. But Chinese beers haven’t a strong taste, so once you are accustomed to liquid meals, or nearly, it is OK.
If you are American, you will get a “local” beer if your request a “low cal” beer, no matter how many times and how loud you repeat “low cal” to the puzzled waitress. If you just order “a beer”, you will get too a local beer, but do not worry these are very similar to Budweiser or Miller.
In the touristic places of Thailand, I have noticed that Styrofoam bottle insulators are used, the Thais having found a very practical and efficient method to solve one of the major problems with beer, that it is becoming unsavory once hot.
People that are not heavy beer drinker like me encounter an other problem: the beer becomes unpalatable when we have drunk only half of the bottle, because it is already lukewarm and flat.
Fortunately there is no chance that I can get drunk with beer as I can’t drink fast enough to reach a high blood alcohol concentration.
For me beer is as unsexy as a drink can be.
First is the ridiculous and impersonal ‘PSCHITT!’ from taking the top off the bottle. Hey, is someone getting a flat tire or what? It doesn’t compare with the heavenly ‘POP’ made by the uncorking of a wine bottle.
Second is the repulsive breath of a girl that has drunk too much beer, or the smell of her sweat. Her kisses do not taste very good either.
Third, after 3 or 4 beers, my tongue has had enough and my stomach is bloated, I have to stop drinking.
That leads to the more unsexy part, when a romantic walk hand in hand with my next to be bed partner, or a cuddling taxi ride, is spoiled by a bladder that sends priority messages to my brain. Then, the very first thing I have to do upon arriving at the room is to rush to the toilet and mimic Niagara Falls for a time that always seems interminable to me.
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you might just want to say “low calorie” next time you’re in the US (we Americans sometimes have difficulties with accents) - even the waitstaff from my part of flyover country would understand that.
View all comments by generous sponsor
“If you just order “a beer”, you will get too a local beer, but do not worry these are very similar to Budweiser or Miller.”
I would have said that’s more than enough to worry about!!!
View all comments by Catman
Obama?
View all comments by MSB
Ever since the Marshall Plan bankrupted the poor old Brits etcetera etcetera grumble grumble rant. If France is more “beer friendly” I’d suggest it’s not the appreciation of quality - Amstel is everywhere and pretty useless - it’s the social aspect of it. They drink 33/35 cl nice and cold from a flute glass and that’s enough. Yes, I’m generalising, but there aren’t as many Budweiser balconies in France, because they know when to stop. And start drinking something else. Sometimes a nicely chilled Chablis.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Philistine! But then French beer is generally pretty appalling, so it’s easy to understand why you wouldn’t grow up liking it.
View all comments by Combover
“If beer and women aren’t the answer, then you’re asking the wrong questions.”
-Anonymous
View all comments by KTBanker
Great to learn that the Thais solved the problem of warm beer by inventing the styrofoam beer insulator.
View all comments by rootrat
Dear JO - I agree dear boy - but you are wasting your time with the squamulose laggards on this site
View all comments by Times Literary Critic
Thanks you guys for the feedback.
My most odd experience with beer has been in the Strip, Las Vegas. People walking the streets with beer bottle inside a manilla bag, I couldn’t believe it!
Beer save England from the plague when people were drinking water from the wells, but now, with that binge-drinking stuff, beer may be the plague of England.
Did you see thing even more peculiar than your Thai birl mixing beer with Coke?
Cheers!
View all comments by Gates Of Paradox
You ever seen the Singha advert at thai cinema? Playing bongos on the beach? I for one would love to know what the fuck it has to do with beer
View all comments by Young Penfold
YP, you remembered it was an ad for Singha, so it’s a blindingly great beer ad.
View all comments by Pants Elk
@YP - Bongos metaphorically represent female (or in your case, shemale *wink *wink) breasts… who doesn’t enjoy tapping out the backbeat to a happy tune on a pair of well-formed funbags with an ice-cold Singha within easy reach? - clearer now? Think subliminal/primal.
View all comments by Rene Descartes
making me thirsty. just want to comment on 2 pts. first, its not just thailand with the bottle insulators. theyre very popular in australia. they come in all shapes and sizes, even with battery coolers! and second, yeah gotta love the beer breath. just beware of the puke breath!
View all comments by Mr Carpet
Beer one of the main attractions that you would at least go out of your house for, and if you can top it off by having a brown skinned girl sitting on your lap while your drinking it and she’s drinking you - well life’s good…..
View all comments by Tails
Gee, this is such an interesting post. I mean, it’s just so fascinating to learn about a Frenchman’s Problems With Beer In Thailand. Come on! Either stick to your scent-of-armpit cheese or, better still, grow a pair of gonads.
View all comments by john the baptist
John, what an insightful comment! thanks for sharing… I feel enlighted.
Lighten up man, is life so sad for you?
View all comments by Louk