I suppose like most people my introduction to Thailand was as a tourist holidaying with the girlfriend.
I always found it a beautiful country and the people on the whole a friendly bunch, so when the opportunity came up to go there for work I was quite pleased at the prospect.
I have for a while now been working there as a Commodity Broker and have been maintaining an apartment in Bkk for 3 years now, which I use every month or so. When I signed the lease on my first apartment I had not really considered the nightlife aspect, I had heard the stories and seen a little down south but had never really looked into it.
It was about that time that I came across the BBB Blog . Well what can I say ,other than I now hold BBB personally responsible for my descent into decadence and despair.
I don’t know whether to buy him a drink or beat him mercilessly with the rubber apendage from the kitbag of a Japanese tourist.
My first year of trips to Bkk resulted in all the mistakes you would expect from a new to the nightlife, valuable lessons learned but all amusing in hindsight. (perhaps oneday an On nutter style my first 10 mistakes sub.)I now keep myself amused reading Farang Speaks and find some real Gems of wisdom from many of the submissions.
I really enjoy reading the different approaches used to pursue the elusive, whether ST, LT, paid or FOB.
My situation is a little different in that I am dragged through a continual series of Offices, Factories, restaurants and the occasional home cooked mea; where an endless stream of potential Mrs. Ron’s are paraded by almost everyone I have contact with.
Once its established I am working there alone my Thai counterparts feel the need to present friends, distant relations, cousins, Aunties or next door neighbours as a would be companion for me. Ranging from stunning to hideous.This used to embarrass me until I considered how the poor girl must feel.
Example:
Last Saturday night. Sirocco’s at the State Tower on Silom, 3 associates and their wives for dinner. Accompanying them is an elegant lady in her late twenties, I think, walking down the stairs to the restaurant in a long black cocktail dress, hair down and wearing sparkling high heels.
My associate Surat introduces his wife, the other 2 couples and then ushers forward this beautiful lady in and introduces her (I quote) - “This is Somporn she has no boyfriend because she is shy and has low education”.
The poor girl’s head drops like a chastised 4 year old. Well done Surat, subtle as a German Jazz band. Maybe later we can throw her over the railings and finish the job (this would be the third time he’s done this to me).
I spent most of the evening using all my very limited charm to get her to smile again. Anyway after dinner we exchanged numbers, she grinned and whispered in my ear calling me a `sweetmouth’ (after reading BBK’s sub I now realise that far from being the charming farang she considers me as smooth as the Sukumvit sidewalk).
Ah well I am still looking forward to Surat’s first overseas conference where I fully intend to introduce him as - “This is my friend Surat he had an arranged marriage at 20 because he has no personality and a really small dick”.
The next night with my work nearly done and only a couple of daytime inspections to go, I decided to stroll up to Asoke for a beer at the Offshore to clear the head. I had arranged to meet an expat friend at
the open air bar opposite the Dutch restaurant in Soi Cowboy, so side stepping the food stalls I headed down 23. Almost next to the Offshore is a small bar with a few girls sitting out front, one of the girls called me by name. Quite surprised I went over to see who it was.
It turned out that her and most of the others used to work at the old Pam’s bar before being annexed by Baccara (Yes I am guilty of being Pam’s bars only customer). I had never BF any of them but always bought a round when times were tough. I had time so I bought the girls a drink and chatted about what they had been up to. One of them had just come back from working in Singapore (some of the stories certainly worth a post).
They invited me upstairs for a few games of strip pool which was fun and I joked with them that the reason they didn’t all have rich boyfriends was because they enjoyed each others company too much. One of the girls grinned, pulled down her friend’s pants and went down good and hard. Not to be outdone the others proceeded to do the same, I couldn’t help but think, no wonder everybody’s late for meetings in bkk.
As a point of reference the bar is a dump and only 2 of the girls were cute, but still a great way to kill an hour.
I thanked the girls and promised to return.
I met my pal and one of his mates and went into Shebas .They had a really good lineup but that Go-go thing I just can’t warm to it, for me it is the grandstand seating reminiscent of my lectures at Uni -
I feel I should be paying attention and taking notes or something. I stayed for the lesbian show and so after watching 10 girls going down on each other in the last hour and a half I felt it was time for some personal recreation.
I left the lads and went across to Dundees (I’d never been there before ). As I came in I noticed a demure 30 something lady sitting at a booth. She was sitting up straight with her legs crossed and her hands clasped to one side of her lap (I have a thing for posture). She looked up with a distant kind of smile. I sat down and we talked for a while. Her English was certainly better than my Thai, with a soft voice and not the usual Issan quack that really grates on me.
Before I could offer her a drink she excused herself and got up to attack the pole. She looked down from the stage smiling and looking a little embarrassed (very cute).
Dancing next to her were a 20 something with big beautiful eyes and on the other a sporty coyote type.
Anywhere else it would have been the agony of choice but in Bkk my logic was if I cant find the one perfect then three with the attributes to form the one total would be fine.
I plied the ladies with Tequila not forgetting 1 or 2 for the manager who had introduced himself earlier.
It was getting late. I needed food and the bar was winding down so I strolled over to thank the manager for a great night - he asked “you come back tomorrow?”. I said “sure” and to my total amazement he said “three lady no problem 300bht.” (total, not each).
The three girls were so much fun that it required a repeat performance the next night.
The three girl thing is great. Its like being the only guy at a pajama party. All tits, bums and squealing and in the morning sipping coffee on the couch and curling up with my new best friends.
As usual all good things come to an end and I flew out later that day. Coming home is always quite surreal. So I sit in my office eating my sandwich and writing this sub. Only now and then venturing out to wander the building occasionally stopping to slap an underling across the back of the head while at his desk and counting the 24 days until another weekend in Bkk.
I am going to have to steal “subtle as a German Jazz band” from you. Excellent.
I’m assuming you missed a zero in the price for the three girls though?
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
bbb - that is nice.
Maybe it is the barfine? not the chicks?
this kills me though and can so see it being said:
“This is Somporn she has no boyfriend because she is shy and has low education”.
View all comments by sideshowBOB
“I now hold BBB personally responsible for my descent into decadence and despair.”
You aren’t the first and won’t be the last. LMAO. Nice post, too.
Good luck in the commodities biz…I wish I understood it better.
View all comments by The Asian Badger
Fistbumps from me on this, Ron. Great piece. I too loved the German jazz band thing, but there’s a lot of quotable stuff here. Brilliant.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Nice post.
Never been to Dundees. Will try to visit in December/January
View all comments by 3amigos
A great blog and interestingly written; all the more so because of my intimate familiarity with all the scenes, including being regularly introduced to eligible maidens.
I am a fan of Bill Bryson’s writing. Having read his descriptions of even the most mundane places, he has the ability to make each and every one of them sound like a place you want to visit RIGHT NOW.
Ron has that same talent.
Dundees is (IMO) a crap little go go in the middle of the soi. I used to be enamored of a pull girl that worked there and lived on the third floor, and spent many hours there with her, as well as many more hours back at my room together. I have never gone back since she stopped working there because I never much liked the place, but reading Ron’s description I find myself sympathetic to the 3Amigos’ desire to see it.
Great writing Ron. More, please.
View all comments by Werewolf
Hey! Werewolf! You’re stupid!
Wupes. Wrong thread …
View all comments by Pants Elk
Three? yeah thats a magic number. You luckly dog, I have to wait 8 months before I venture to Bangkok again.
Great post; “Somporn” oh man gotta love that.
View all comments by Xagrin
Hey Pants Elk! You’re erudite!
whooops! wrong…. oh… eh?…. yeah, you really are.
Hmmmph!
View all comments by Werewolf
Werewolf:
“I am a fan of Bill Bryson’s writing. Having read his descriptions of even the most mundane places, he has the ability to make each and every one of them sound like a place you want to visit RIGHT NOW.”
He wrote that about Sorrento so i went there, and hated the place. You have to pay to go on the beach. Not unusual in Italy, I believe.
Like one’s guy’s girl is another guy’s dragon, I guess.
View all comments by Barry
He also finds the UK and its horrible groaning cowlike citizenry charming. He says.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Excellent post. Had me laughing.
View all comments by Billy Bangkok
BBB-It was the barfine ,the girls were 1200 each being the sum total of cash in my wallet the next morning, they seemed happy with that, they even cleaned the apartment before they left.
ssb-Thanks for letting me post,although he was tactless it did point out single, soft spoken and dumb three of my favs.
TAB-Asia markets are a goldmine and the most overlooked.
EP-Back at ya,Thanks
WW-Thanks for the kind words.
X-It certainly is ,a word to the chaplin could get you an early release.
View all comments by Ron
My pal Bodhi is even less subtle than Surat. Once he introduced me to some ugly looking chap when doing some work. As I shake the fella’s hand, Bodhi says ‘This is Pagorn. He fell in khlong as a child and now looks like he has AIDS virus’.
View all comments by john the baptist
Great stuff, and I’m glad to see someone besides me is into the three girls thing. I only did it twice, but got all kinds of shit from friends for it. It was great fun, but it definitely has to be the *right* three girls. In my case they were first cousins…two were a little nuts and one a little unstable, but the third, oldest one quickly assumed the role of mother hen/ringmaster and kept everyone in line. Yeah, pyjama party (with fucking) is a pretty apt description, haha.
View all comments by ratchada
I see clearly 2 distinctive parts in this post: Before Shebas and after Shebas. I like the first one but not the second. It even seems to be written but 2 different persons (I don’t say it is. I only say it seems). Strange…
View all comments by SukPsycho
An enjoyable post.Thanks Ron.
View all comments by Richard
1200 for 3 girls long time!
and you’re still alive ?
View all comments by iamfine
Forget about the girl, what exactly does that say about your Thai friends opinion of YOU that he thinks a girl with a low education who is incapable of getting a boyfriend is suitable for YOU?
He must think you will simply take ANYONE, then….in other words he probably thinks you’re the Thai idea of a typical farang
Hope you disabused him of that notion.
View all comments by Brandon Gerworthy
SukPsycho-Thats what I was trying to pointout, the dual morality thing ,works done then the fun, laceups to loafers,sober to not so.
iamfine-it was 1200 each,mind you I did get them drunk,fed them, did unspeakable things to them ,then let them hang until midday
BG-The Thai psyke isnt that deep,the low ed refered to her not going to uni only business college.Women 25+ are considered unmarriageable in Thai society, she was picked for me because she was young and pretty and the intro was as much said to put her in her place as it was to let me know her level of respectability.
View all comments by Ron
Sounds good, Ron, and you’re probably right, it just sounded funny the way you recounted it in the post above
Cheers!
View all comments by Brandon Gerworthy
Nice post, Ron. Well written and entertaining.
View all comments by gavinmac
Ron: A nicely written account of the glorious absurdity of Bangkok.
I too have well-meaning friends trying to introduce me to “nice” Thai girls but they are always evasive about why the future Mrs On Nutter is unattached at a relatively advanced age.
A farang friend made a priceless comment this week when he was recounting how a colleague was always criticising Thai women. He and the two other people listening to him are either married to or living with Thai women. He said indignantly: “I stay with a Thai woman, you stay with a Thai woman, you stay with a Thai woman…and you (looking at me in disgust) stay with one about three nights out of seven.”
View all comments by On Nutter