Stories from a first timer in Bangkok, to all newcomers to Bangkok; aka city of angels; aka sin city; aka the city that never sleeps, I just spent 8 days staying right off of Sukhumvit and Soi 15 at the Royal President Hotel which was a really good stay but later for that. The matter at hand here is the night life and the women; it honestly did not make a difference what quality of hotel you were staying in once a lovely PYT has decided to go with you. Although it did make an impression on the freelance traffic that made its way through my doors; I could tell by the comments “ooh nice room” or “this is expensive” in cute broken English however the fact is that they were already decided on what was going down before we walked in. A few things to watch out for that took me for a ride the first couple of days and had me parting ways with a few thousand fun designated baht. I mean seriously I thought I was pretty street savvy you know? Growing up in the city and all… but these guys and girls on streets of Bangkok have some calculated shit that will have your head spinning.
First: The Hotel Cab Driver, watch out for this guy. He trying to make his money the best way he can and that is by getting you to give him your money. This got me pretty good; it usually starts with “my friend wherever you want to go you tell me; I take you,” In a decent broken English. Leave these guys sitting at the Hotel and find a normal Taxi out on the street with a meter. Let me tell you my first two nights in Bangkok my (personal taxi friend) took me to eat and not only did I absorb the cost of his meal but at the end of the night when I asked him what did I owe him. He hit me with the conscience driven “up to you.” Oh boy did that play draw some baht out of my ass. Since there was no meter to gauge from in my inebriated state I had to figure the value of his services and try to relate it to a job back home. So I gave him 100 baht and you should have seen the look on his face… PRICELESS. I mean he gave me this look like I just kick the shit out of his dog and no matter how drunk you are in any language that look means something aint right? After spending 4 hours driving me to Cupis and enjoying a fat dinner (1100 baht) I paid for I re-evaluated his time spent to $40 bucks as a decent compensation. I ended up giving him 1000 baht. “My friend I wait for you tomorrow, I take you to fun place” yeah whatever.
The next night this dude takes me to this crappy bar way out in the middle of nowhere and parks in this dark ass alley; when we walk in there are like 20 girls in there sitting on bar stools half of them looking like they were waiting for death and the other half just looking. Wouldn’t you know it?… I was the only customer! Ha ha Jokes on me as I start to figure this shit out. Yup you all are probably quicker than me and already know where this is going. Yeah it was his buddy’s bar and I’m guessing that he was getting some kind of kick back for bringing me way out there; not to mention the robust “up to me” cab fare I paid later. “My friend you like 2 girls”? Yeah well who doesn’t? Problem was there was only 1 in the whole freakin bar that could get it. Okay it gets really deep when I order a drink for me, my taxi driver, and this rather aggressive girl that had found her ass a home on the chair next to me. “I take care of you”? “Uh no I’m OK sweetie, but enjoy that drink.” I was cornered as the bar owner kept rousting girls over to sit on my lap and talk to me. OK about a half a Singha later I’m ready to go and call it a night. That’s when he hit me with his platinum proposal “You take two girls 9000 baht.” Yeah I had to say… no thanks. Being that I was trapped behind a couple of girls I had to get them to move so I could pay my 700 baht for 3 drinks. Sorry I didn’t get the name of that bar so I could share it with you all, but they didn’t have a sign on the entrance, errr go figure. All this time I had been under the impression that these guys somehow work for the hotel as drivers for the guest and to use them would be beneficial and save me money. Not the case. I ducked him for 3 days after that and he finally caught up with me and said, “I have great Idea, I take you Pattaya to meet my sister.” Yeah how much is that cab ride? No thanks, “Dude just show me a picture.”
Second: Alright I’ll just lay it right out there and say don’t take a dump where you lay your head. I did and the shit stinks. If you are on your first day or two of a pretty lengthy stay do not, I repeat do not accept invitations to lunch, dinner, dancing, or all the above from cute girls that work on your hotel reception staff. One thing I learned about Thai girls is if you go out with them and they like you then you better not come rolling up in the hotel with some chick you picked up. I was enamored with the beauty of my hotel staff and flirted with the girls from the first minute I walked in the door. The very first morning in Bangkok I made a date to go to the Bed Club with 3 hot professionally educated legit girls. Oh hell was that a mistake : o They picked me up from the hotel at 730pm and we partied until about midnight. The less attractive and older one of the three was all on me and was kinda putting the younger two girls out to the winds. I could feel the tension rising between the girls because the older one who was also their supervisor was getting a little jealous. I tried to defuse all animosity cause in my mind I’m thinking “foursome hell yea,” but I guess they had other thoughts. After a night of cat and mouse I realized it was impossible to get with one without the others knowing nor would I be able to do a package deal so I dismissed them all… but not without going out to lunch with the cutest and youngest (24years old) one first. Did that piss of the supervisor? Oh yeah it sure did. Especially when everyone from the hotel told her that we had gone to lunch out before she came in for her evening shift. To add insult to injury as I’m walking a freelancer out the front door the next morning she comes walking by with a real disgusted look on her face. Nevertheless the following 6 days were uncomfortable as hell when I would have a hottie bargirl come home with me I used the entrance by the restaurant to stay away from the disgruntled staff. Dam I love Thai girls. I’m just glad I didn’t piss off housekeeping since a couple of them were hot too. Maybe next time?… Oh wait.
Third: The girls on the street, in the bar, and all around look so dam fine, all petite soft spoken and innocent. But don’t let that fool you they are working girls with degrees in calculus. I usually don’t go for the lighter Thai women however about my 4th night this one caught my eye that completely changed my perspective on life as I knew it. I don’t know if it was the tightness of the blood restricting painted on blue jeans on these long Jessica Alba like legs or was it that Jet Black Lucy Liu hair draped over this snowy angel face that had me. But working girl or not she was coming home with me that night. I stopped the taxi in the midst of him taking me to Soi Cowboy and gave him 40 baht. As I approached her in a circle of about 5 Thai guys next to their motorcycles I got a few strange looks. After a few minutes of niceties; you know my name is… and you. It turns out that she is a working girl that just hangs out with this group of guys by right on Sukhumvit… Cool just what I’m looking for 15 minutes later and we’re walking back to my hotel. Just about 2 hours later after an hour of amazing fun and an hour of perfect English conversation. I gave her the 1500 baht we had agreed on and then it happened. I swear I must have been under her spell because I did something that I hadn’t done before with a bargirl; I made a date to go have dinner with her the next day. That next night we talked about how she doesn’t have a boyfriend and why she is university educated and still can’t get a job so she works on the streets. Wow my hearts strings were really getting pulled. Why is she so fucking fine and has to settle for this type of life? Uh… WACK! Dumb ass she’s married to a Thai dude that sits on the corner with her (that’s me kicking myself in the nuts). Let me tell you three days later, lots of free drinks, dinner, and entertainment I got the scoop from another girl that is a street vendor selling drinks. As I sit there and try not to be surprised when she tells me, I pick up my jaw and tell myself “what am I thinking this is Bangkok, no holds barred.” I guess her next angle was to milk some payments out of me for her to be the love of my life and we could someday get married. Not sure what would have happened if I didn’t get the tip off… jeez
Loading ...
Hilarious…
Best line ever:
That’s when he hit me with his platinum proposal “You take two girls 9000 baht.”
View all comments by Santana
Xagrin, step inside my office a moment, would you? Uhhh … did you read ANYTHING posted here before you tried clubbing Bangkok to death with your wallet?
View all comments by Quicksilver Messenger Service
All part of lifes rich tapestry.
We’ve all been there.
Thank’s for a great read Xagrin, if I ever meet you, I owe you a beer.
View all comments by jaiyenyen
Excellent report Xagrin.
As you moved out of the hotel, I moved in - it’s a great location isn’t it? Except for the Indian tailor. They are revamping the restaurant now so that shortcut to the lifts is no longer available
View all comments by doctorbond
That’s gotta be a quote of the week.
By the way, where IS the Weekly?
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
Yep, there are a few blogs out there that could have helped you spare a couple hundred bucks…
View all comments by SukPsycho
A couple of you are looking this through the jaded eyes of an experienced Bangkok hand. I’d wager to bet at one time or another everyone on this blog has been ripped off at least once while in Bangkok, or just about anywhere in Thailand. Although perhaps not all are as eager to admit such an incident or similar I’m sure we all have our own tales of being the victims of some sort of degree of thievery in Thailand. Thanks for the read Xagrin.
View all comments by Quagmire
lol funny.
Why do so many newbies always fall for the crap of taxi drivers being your friend and are there to help you?
Why do they always seem to need a taxi driver to get them a girl? If you land in the middle of suk at night with a pocket full of cash and you can not get laid… well there is no hope for you. Take the next plane out of here.
No taxi driver is ever your friend period. Actually no thai person is ever your friend for that matter……
View all comments by MSB
@ Quag: Yeah, we all go through it. I was paying my “first trip” girl 5000/baht a day and honestly, I wanted to give her more.
Some bad experiences but you’re learning like the rest of us X.
@PGhost: Weekly coming today some time. A day late and a baht short but it’s coming…
View all comments by pmmp
As pmmp says we’ve all been there, good report.
@pmmp: “I wanted to give her more” more what? I’m sure you did the best you could.
View all comments by riodon
There’s a difference from not knowing the value of something and being naive. Everybody is going to get stung with the 9000 baht kind of crap sooner or later. That’s the whole learning curve thing.
Now, it’s a completely different story to be amazed . . . I mean amazed that if you walk a freelancer out of your hotel room and you run into the hotel staff you were trying to boink the other night that she might be a little out of sorts. WOW that can only happen in Thailand. In France, you get a ribbon. In the UK they take away a sausage from your English breakfast. But in Thailand . . . they actually get pissy. Unbelievable. What’s next; when you come home drunk with two whores your Thai girlfriend won’t give you a back massage?
And like MSB says, you’re staying on Suk Soi 15 and you need a cab driver to take you out to the middle of nowhere to find girls? That’s not some newbie mistake. It’s amazingly stupid.
I have a herd time believing this is real because the author claims this is a first timer experience yet he says:
“I usually don’t go for the lighter Thai women however about my 4th night this one caught my eye”
Forth night in country and he already has the types he does and doesn’t NORMALLY bang? There are other clues that give me the impression this entire post was someone taking the piss or it was someone who was writing about their first timer experience many years ago.
I mean who is so naive to think you can go out with three girls who work together and not run into jealousy issues? That’s not a Thai thing. It’s a human being thing.
Sorry guys, I think Xagrin is taking the piss.
View all comments by Billy Bangkok
The best way to learn the ropes here is to make the mistakes and learn from them. At least you knocked down a number of mistakes on your first trip so you should have a pretty quick learning curve.
When you start thinking about getting a “girlfriend” let us know so we can save you about 25 million THB. There is a whole new level of scamming, scheming, and steeling that you have not even scratched the surface on and can only comes with a GF.
I started telling all my friends that when they came here just think “would I __________ back home?” before you do anything.
You can fill in the blank with:
-Take a taxi driver to eat
-Take 3 girls I do not know to a disco and pay the bill
-Pay a girls rent who I just met yesterday
-Loan a girl I met at a bar money
-Pay for a girls wrecked motorcycle to be fixed and have her buffaloes leg amputated as it was apparently riding the motorcycle
You are a seasoned pro when you can not possibly get beat by one of the scams and then stop using the “would I ______back home” thought process but rather change it to “I could never get away with ______ back home so I am in”
You can fill that blank in with:
-barfining 13 girls and throwing one into each and every one of them and the ugly one twice
-drinking myself into a blackout and still manage to wake up next to a stunner
-meeting a girl a 10:24 and be banging her and her room mate by 10:28
…..thankfully this list is only limited by your imagination and level of perversion.
View all comments by billybobbkk
Nice report X. You won’t beat me into the Newbie Hall of Shame based on your disclosures here.
View all comments by rootrat
i aint ever been ripped off in thailand. ya gotta have them street smarts. ya either got em or ya dont.
View all comments by dek waan
I was a first timer last month when i arrived in Phuket. On the first night i decided to take it easy to suss the place out, chat to a few people and try and work out what this place is all about. After about 10 Singha’s and few hours later i was back in my hotel with one of those lovely Bg’s, for the price of 2000 Baht for the night and it was well and truely worth it. Lined her up for the next 3 night at 1800 a night and it was great to have someone waking me up by trying to swallow me whole. As it turned out she was great. Took her on a few tours, she did whatever i wanted when i wanted it and never complained. I guess i got lucky. Cann’t stop thinking about it and i hope i get the same treatment when i return next month. One point- straight away i knew not to trust a taxi driver because i’m one back home and if they can make a cheep buck they will. Good luck
View all comments by The mango muncher
Mr Muncher has a good point about cab drivers - it’s not only the Thais who aren’t your best friends in transportation, as anyone who’s used a cab in Rome will tell you. Or Greece. Or France. I have fond memories of London black cabs, but that was between the wars, and we were happier then.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Pmmp; thanks I wish that I had seen your post ‘Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome’ before I got to Bangkok; I just read it. I didn’t do much reading while I was there cause mostly I didn’t get to sleep till about 6am and was right back up and about at 2pm to do it all again.
Billy B; your intuition is absolutely astonishing and has led you astray. Yeah, I was only in Bangkok for 8 days; however, I was on a mission to have as much fun that was humanly possible / allowed within confines of not breaking any Thai laws. And believe you me, after trudging the streets of Cali for years dating Japanese and Korean girls bright as the morning sun, avoiding Phillipinas whenever possible, I do have a type. I came to BKK with an ideal type girl in mind for my nightly escapades Asian, dark skinned, and not freakin super-sized.
Now me getting married to Japanese girl and losing my shirt to her in a divorce two years later would qualify as “amazingly stupid”, I did that too… Ok maybe I do stupid shit; however, trying to push the envelope and have some fun in Bangkok is anything but. Fuck I don’t live there so I mine as well have a blast while I can, Jeez get off it.
MSB; yea, now I know, chalk one up for the orange team, I actually thought he was pretty cool too. Dam… I’ll know next time.
QMS; thanks coach
DB; I don’t know if your still there but that first tailor on the right as you head towards Sukhumvit from the Hotel was way too pushy, but the second one I think he’s Indian, actually did a pretty good job. That location is fantabulous!
View all comments by Xagrin
All taxis driver are wankers in any country …. dek wan so you must be so special never to ripped off in Thailand !!! do you just stay in your hotel room ??? share your tips and let people see if you have or not… i doubt it some how..
View all comments by Fish
fish - i aint special, just happen to have them street smarts is all. like i said, ya either got em or ya dont. . .
View all comments by dek waan
Talk about taxi drivers being wankers. I’ll have to tell you about the best cab ride i’ve had. I was staggering out of the M52 bar (recomended)in HCMC Vietnam when i waved down what i thought was one of those local guys that give you a cheap ride on their scooter back to your hotel. When i hopped on i realised that the rider was a girl, or i hate to say it mabe ladyboy. Too drunk to work it out. Half way through the trip a hand came around and made its way the appropriate area. Talk about skills, riding with one hand and stroking with the other. Well i had to give a bit extra for the fare around 20 000 Dong and hopped that it was a girl after all. Sorry for getting off the subject.
View all comments by The mango muncher
if only every taxi ride was that good…
View all comments by Fish
Those guys that say they’ve never been ripped off are too dumb to notice they’ve been ripped off.
There is no shame in it…
View all comments by daywalker
Ive always had a rocky relationship with taxi drivers. Got a smack in the chops from 1 a few weeks before i flew back to England. In restrospect, suggesting his mother performs acts of love on farm animals for refusing to turn on the meter, probably warranted a slap.
Been scammed with the switching of 1000baht to a 500baht note few times before, and a sneaky tuktuk driver who charged me 300baht to drive me from Dusit Thani Hotel to Patpong on my 2nd night before. Bastd.
View all comments by Young Penfold
Well said Daywalker, part of the fun as long as you learn from it and look back at what a green tit you were at the time..what are street smarts anyway ? sounds like a boiled sweet..
i was chased down a road in Manila by a metal pole waving taxi driver when i noticed we were driving around in cycles at 3am and told him to stop fucking around and take me home.all watched closely be 2 coppers sitting there doing fuck all to safe my arse. lucky i had me run fast shoes on !!
View all comments by Fish
On what street could you possibly consider yourself “street savvy?”
Is this a wind-up?
View all comments by Professor
Sesame Street maybe?
View all comments by daywalker
This was first time a brown gal suck your white cock lah? How you like that?
B.t.w.: Royal President is a good hotel but rather far walking distance from the main road. Besides that it is rather expensive and not worth the extra money. Next time take another hotel closer to the main road and closer to the action.
View all comments by Ato
Xagrin, cool post dude! BTW don’t bother wasting time responding to some guy that writes a blog on BKK yet doesn’t actually live there? I’m an OC. guy and been all over Asia, and just look at it as part of the fun!
Peace man…
View all comments by ron
I got roped into the hotel taxi driver hustle on my first visit to BKK as well.
I think i ended up at that same bar in the middle of nowhere at about 3am. Does anybody actually know where that bar is? The ride was so long i thought i got kidnapped. When you walk through the door there is a tiny bar on the right. There’s booth seating on the left. When they have girls there, they sit in the back along a bench that runs along the back. The guy that runs the place is this shifty old thai guy in a grey suit named Jack. This guy must have all the shady taxi drivers in his pocket.
On the same trip my friend and i made the mistake of checking out the “super pussy” in patpong.(Whaaat? but its THE SUPER PUSSY! uh, hell yeah??) It was so frightening, my friend and i ran directly into the bathroom to regain our composure after the onslaught of scary bitches. We ran out of the bathroom and i actually threw a hefty “hip check” at the mamasaan blocking the exit. I only read blogs after the fact that discuss how unfortunate newbies can be if they actually take a seat in the upstairs patpong bars.
I wish i had come across these fine blogs before i made my first trip, but i had fun and it could have been worse. I know i won’t be seeing Jack anymore..
View all comments by thai'd up
@billybobbkk: Sage advice indeed!
Cool report Xagrin. We all get ripped off, in fact it’s an integral part of the fun, otherwise what would you have to chuckle over later on. I’ve managed to cut the ripoffs to a minimum now, but I’m still encountering the odd new one.
I was caught out by the till scam in the convenience store. This is the one where they pretend the cash register is faulty (invariably occurs late when you are boozed up and not paying attention) and add up your purchases with a pocket calculator, then overcharge you and pocket your money, ripping off both you and the store owner. Nice!
Stayed at the Royal President last trip. The deluxe studios deliver pretty good vfm and the staff will turn a blind eye to any “guests” you bring in. The security guards make a point of checking your BG du jour’s ID which is reassuring. The main downside is that it’s quite far down the (dark) side soi from suk, so some might not feel safe wandering back and forth at night, but that’s what taxis are for. Otherwise I’d certainly recommend it to anyone who’s looking for decent value and quality not too far from the action.
View all comments by hoocher
Patpong Bars: First time I went there I went in Super Pussy and had ping pong balls fired at me from two of the super pussies the minute I sat down. I withdrew to the safety of the toilets but was followed by two Gestapo officers who made sure I didn’t try to get out the back window.
On attempting my escape the mamasan sounded the warning from her machine gun tower and I found myself staring into a spotlight and surrounded by guards. I was held to ransom for 3000 baht but having pre-empted such a situation I had only 500 baht in my wallet. The mamasan reluctantly took it and I was released - never to return to an upstairs bar in Patopng again.
Taxi Drivers: A few months ago I got in a taxi on Petburi road and a friendly old driver started talking to me in Thai and complementing me on my linguistic skills - which is always very flattering. I first realised something was wrong when he repeated the same set of questions again and again - it was if he was a robot and his speech program had become stuck. Then I realised we were lost down some dark, dusty railway siding. I asked what was wrong and he said he couldn’t remember how to get onto the expressway; then he remembered! Then he forgot again. Then he asked someone and we were on our way. Then he forgot. After driving up and down Petburi road for 30 minutes he started waffling on about “azzemer”. What the….? Then I realised he was saying “Alzheimer’s”. Turned out the poor guy had Alzheimer’s disease and really couldn’t remember how to get anywhere. So I took it upon myself to give him directions, but he couldn’t remember those either so in the end we came to a deal; we reset the meter, he sat in the back where he couldn’t do any harm and I drove the taxi home. I live in a Moobahn that takes about 15 turnings off the main road to get into so I have no idea if the old boy ever got out. As far as I know he is still driving around trying to find the main road.
View all comments by Nok Opayop
When staying at the Royal President, it is very easy to avoid the “walk of shame”. Just take a room in the Court Wing - a separate building across Soi 15. The first floor is a parking garage, and the security guard there will give you a thumbs up if your selection was a good one.
Just remember that not having a reception desk to take your girl’s ID card can be a bad thing as well.
View all comments by Dilligaf
There is no shortage of “friendly’ Thais looking to rip off a new tourists.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21533131@N06/
View all comments by Kilgore Trout
Managed to wreak some kind of revenge on a ‘taxi driver’ once back in Manila. There were three of us trying to find a place called Miss Universal (see forthcoming post…) and this guy on the street reassured us he could help. So he borrowed another guys taxi (..!), we all piled in and off we went. Except it was rapidly clear even to us he didn’t actually have any idea where he was going. We asked him to stop, he sped up. We opened the back doors of the taxi to try and force the issue and he kept going - with ensuing comedy scenes of pedestrians, motorbikes, animals etc rushing to get out of the way… Eventually my friend got fed up, reached forward from the back seat and heaved the handbrake on, the car nose dived and came to a very rapid halt accompanied by the acrid smell of burning rubber. And the best part was our Japanese friend - who was literally doubled over crying with laughter and just kept on repeating “Starsky and Hutch” over and over in a heavy accent. Guess that kind of thing doesn’t happen too often in Nagasaki!
View all comments by K1ndofblue