Soi 33 Near Miss
The fourth of fifth night I went out for food and drinks with a local expat I met on my last trip. Good guy, Thai wife, three kids, ex US military. We met at another Japanese oriented place on Soi 33. Then we went to a bunch of other places in the same general area, but involving a couple of cab rides and one short BTS trip. We weren’t on Cowboy, I know that. After many, many drinks (all Johnny Walker Black or Chivas + soda, both crap whiskeys in my book, what’s up with that?) along with food and hostesses and whatever else, I mentioned that I’d never taken a working girl out of a bar. My only P4P experience was the massage places. I think I opined that I probably wouldn’t really dig getting a girl from a bar anyway, just not my style. This was taken as a challenge, as we shall see.
The last place we went was in the same general Soi 33 area. The name was only in Japanese and Thai so I can’t tell you how to get there. We were the only round eyes in the joint, and my buddy knew the owner who I think was Thai-Chinese. The customers were Japanese and Thai. The place wasn’t a g-club like the Pent but was a simpler, shrunk down version of it. There was a small stage with a band and twice an hour or so some dancers would do a set. There were hostess girls all over the place, very friendly and easy to talk to, quick with the frozen wet towel when my vicious farang sweat got out of hand. Now then, I’m have pretty high standards with girls. I’ve turned down NYC strippers who were pretty hot because I didn’t like their vibe. I’ve sighted a fair number of models and actresses who I wouldn’t rate higher than an 8 or 8.5. The dancers in this place were, by any rational standards, solid 8.5s. By that I mean anyone who likes women would put them in that range, not just me. Anyone with a taste for the Asian persuasion would rank them as nines at first glance. It was hard to pick between them.
One was tall and willowy, with wavy curls in her hair. One was a cute and tiny with light skin, painfully tight body, and cute smile with bangs. One was an elegant, darker skinned girl who looked a little bit Indian maybe, with her hair tied up. The last girl was ready made for a Thai guy, super thin without looking starved, flawless white teeth, a slightly more urbane air about her with a little less makeup and she seemed to speak pretty solid Japanese.
So, it’s late. I’m drunk. Scratch that, I’m really drunk. The band is shutting down, the staff is cleaning up, and my friend goes and talks to a guy who turns out to be a part owner in the place. They talk briefly. They call the girls over. They talk some more. My friend comes back to my table and says, ‘So, you don’t take girls out of bars, right? 3500 baht, all in, you pick,’ and motions over to the dancer girls. They give me a wave and a smile. I’d been watching these girls for a few hours, trying to figure out which one was hotter. I’m making the most hair-splitting distinctions. They all have stunning bodies, but one has a little cut inside of her hip bones that just frames her belly so perfectly. They all have heartbreakingly beautiful faces but this one has dimples that are just a touch cuter than the others. That girl has two red streaks in her hair that are really nice. Mr. No Bar Girls For Me is confused, overwhelmed, out of his depth. 3500 baht, long time, all in. I know you Mango men think I’m getting fleeced and worse yet queering the pitch for the all of you, but oh my achin Christ, that’s roughly USD 100, which is a good not great bottle of wine in a restaurant in my world. Then my buddy completely screws with my head, already floundering, and says, ‘Take two, they’re small!’
Trying to resist, I tell my friend that I can’t take a girl back to my hotel. No problem, there’s a nice place down the block. He gets out his phone, makes a call, and says I have a reservation for the night, 1100 baht, in a hotel in the neighborhood (clearly this is not my friend’s first time closing this deal). He must know somebody. Decent place too. Finally, I pick the girl with the wavy hair and we’re off.
I had chosen wisely. My girl and I walked to the hotel where the front desk staff gave me a slightly shady look, but what the hell, I had a nice buzz on and was feeling great. Who cares? I’m the king of the world! Look at this chick! This is the hottest girl I’ve banged in years! We get to the room and I get a nice flurry of kisses and rubs and and touches and I head off to take a shower. My girl flips on the TV and changes to a Thai channel playing music videos. After my shower I dry off and put on the fancy terry cloth robe you see in every business hotel everywhere in the world. I’m clearly in a Japanese part of town. I’m only 6′3″ but the belt that is supposed to be at my waist ties around the middle of my chest. I go out into the main room and my girl heads in for a shower. She takes a long, long shower, which is fine, I’m in no rush and drink a bottle of water. She walks out wearing the other bathrobe which looks like it was hand tailored for her and climbs under the covers with me. She starts to snuggle a little, which I think is weird and . . .
I fell asleep.
Yes, indeed. Arguably the hottest girl I’ve ever had naked next to me and I took a USD 150 nap. She stuck around for the night, I’m guessing the aircon and (very nice) bed were more comfortable than her place or she was just tired. Woke up at 9.45, poked her awake, she freaked out that she was late, I gave her the cash and pondered just how it had come to this. Must go easy on the Chivas next time I fear.
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Mango guys must be really busy with the bar opening. Submissions from total losers are not very interesting.
View all comments by JimBob
jim - to each his own. we published part 1 a few days back and was quite well received. would not say tosh is a loser but clearly still learning the ropes. I am sure he will take a well deserved lashing for this one but that is life.
View all comments by smitty
The thing is: what is the point in describing the girls for half an hour if you don’t even mention the name of the place you were in. Or at least some indication.
Was it all just a dream???
View all comments by Suk Psycho
I think he was too drunk to remember the name. Tosh will most likely comment here and try to redeem himself. tosh - get in there.
View all comments by smitty
I am a bit put off by all the thinly veiled hints that ‘im loaded’
A bit of sick came up when i read ‘in my world’ comment about the wine costing 100USD. Am i alone?
View all comments by Young Penfold
YP: you are not alone.
However, you have to feel sorry for a guy that pays $100USD for a bottle of wine, ‘in his world’. After all, the vinegar we put on the chips in the Duke tastes better than that.
And as for the “I’ve turned down NYC strippers”…. are we to be impressed? Maybe they were just after a glass of $100 wine?
View all comments by Day Walker
No, you are not alone ……
View all comments by Mike
Day Walker stole the words right outta my mouth about the ‘turning down NYC strippers line’
Save us the monotany (sp?) of post 3 and just tell us how much money you earn, what car you drive and how many houses you have, as we’re all on the edge of our seats here.
View all comments by Young Penfold
BKK is an equilizer… if we are fully loaded or don’t have a pot to piss in… we can all get the same hot chicks.
View all comments by Day Walker
prefer drinking wine straight from the cask myself
View all comments by Mr Carpet
Day Walker: “$100USD for a bottle of wine, ‘in his world’. After all, the vinegar we put on the chips in the Duke tastes better than that.”
Oh, do they use that really expensive Balsamic vinegar there? Cooooool
View all comments by rick
hmmm, I cut the guy a bit of slack. he’d already mentioned in a past post that he works in Finance, that he’s staying at the Sukhothai (break that name down into 3 sylls and it gets pretty interesting), so we can safely presume he’s here on the Company’s dime… On the whole “rich” don’t add up the cost of what they’re doing especially when it comes to fun, they just do it, whereas Tosh here is running a figure in his head all night long - and like a lot of newbies is impressed with the Bang for Buck that LOS offers.
@Tosh - try to get it a little tighter mate, you could have skipped para’s 2, 3, 4, 5, and I think we’d all of got the message. Hope you’re having a great time here and don’t forget to tell all your mates about how expensive, utterly boring, and filled with pension age hookers Bangkok is…
View all comments by psi100th
Poor Tosh, lots of bashing on him. My respect that you wrote the truth that you simply slept beside a hot dancer for 4600 Baht and didn’t have sex. You could have surely made up a nice banging story. And don’t worry, I also had girls staying over night where no sex happended in the end.
And for a place with many Japanese customers maybe 4600 Baht was still a cheap deal, not sure.
I always take girls long-time and usually tell them before going to my hotel how long I want them to stay (usually till 12.00 a.m.). Then a girl cannot play that “I am late”-trick on you.
100 USD for a bottle of wine is outrageous. Especially when you give the reader the impression it’s “normal”. I am sure you can get a good bottle of SoCal Chardonnay for much less. But… I also like Black Label… So I guess I am just one of those poor slobs BBK describes in his last thread
View all comments by Phoenix
Hey lads, sorry this one wasn’t as fun. ‘Twas a long night, things got confusing.
I AM a loser, no question about that. Still, USD 100 for a bottle of wine at a good place in NYC is not out of line by an stretch. Markup is usually well over 100% on vino.
View all comments by tosh
Oh, also, this is just some stuff I wrote up for a few friends and then forwarded on to Smitty. Very rough cuts, I realize, apologies for the lack of polish on the prose. Considering Smitty’s word rate it’s the best I could do
View all comments by tosh
Please don’t take this the wrong the way (it was not world class or even close) but, I discovered a Thai produced wine from Pak Chong (near Khao Yai) that although it did not resemble the Shiraz it purported to be, it was non the less palatable and did not remove/dissolve my stomach lining, nor leave me with a blinding headache in the morning.
It’s called Mont Clair (very Thai I know) and retailed for 350 Bht per bottle. This is the first Thai produced wine that I have not fed to the plants!
Give it a go if you come across it.
View all comments by Spyker
Rick:
It’s all true…. you can really taste it after you’ve eaten everything on the menu with a bunch of heavy drinkers.
Try this 3 or 4 times a week. After a few months, if you still can’t taste the ‘richness’ then I’ll pay for a portion of chips.
View all comments by Day Walker
@Spyker - you must have eaten far too much chilli in your life - I reckon it’s an underground experiment in alternative fuels or maybe simply an offshoot from Boonrawd to convince all Thai’s to stay on beer.
View all comments by psi100th
I’ll try any wine in the world. Often wines that seem pretty sketchy on their own can pair up nicely with food from the same region. Can’t imagine what would be considered a ‘mouth of fire’ wine to go with Som Tum, but maybe it’s out there.
View all comments by tosh
psi100th
Like I said seems implausible, did not taste as billed (ie a Shiraz), but no adverse effects and might even go so far as to say I enjoyed it.
I have found that wine that I like in the UK (even down to the label) does not taste the same in LOS.
You may have a point re the chillies though!
View all comments by Spyker
SMITTY & PMMP - by my calculation you guys are kicking butt right now and birthing a Bangkok institution. I wish I could be there but for the time being - congratulations etc. etc.
DocB
View all comments by doctorbond
Tosh,
Good: I for one like your writing style. Quick and punchy with a some interesting observations and angles thrown in.
Bad: While she is taking the long TG shower, for god’s sake keep yourself awake. Put on some music, make a cup of coffee, have a pre-game wank – anything! Soldier – this is war and falling asleep is treason. If they let you write part 3, I am expecting some serious debauchery to make up for your lost time as well as ours.
View all comments by JustinCider
Hey Doc….et all….
How much does it suck knowing the Mango is now open (even without kitchen) and we are not there.
Sucks to be us.
View all comments by Day Walker
Sucks more for me DW - you are probably only a few camels away from getting back there - for me the wait could be excruiating….
Sucks he who sucks more (feck knows what that means but it sounded good)
View all comments by doctorbond
Where did all the haters come from?
Would you rather hear a true story or some self- glorifying semi-fictional account from some legend only is his own mind half literate wanker?
I have a big dick.
I went to a bar full of hot chicks.
I picked the 3 hottest ones.
I got them to agree to fuck me all night for 200 THB each.
I didn’t use a condom and came twice in each available orifice
They went home bowl legged, bleeding, and smiling and begged me to do it to them again tomorrow for free.
Are all the haters happy now?
Is this the kind of post you prefer?
Ease up on the negativity—please!
BigBabyKenny
View all comments by BigBabyKenny
@ BBK - It’s no worries, I have a thick enough skin to take some stick, and I’d much rather people write what they really think than blow smoke at me.
The gist of this one, to me, was I can shank one into the woods in BKK just like I do out here. We can’t all be Penfold!
View all comments by tosh
Well you are only human Tosh
View all comments by Young Penfold
BBK - You continued defending a position that had already been taken by the opposing forces of common sense.
In my first post on FS2M I said something completely twat-like and was roundly corrected by the ‘fuckerati’ in the ‘kokosphere’ (copyright TAFKABBB).
We are all as capable as the next person of running away with an idea we hadn’t thought through properly.
There is decent respect for other peoples views on this site (Daywalker excluded, obviously) and I think it was your lack of respect and your certainty that we were all wrong and you were right that did for you. Even your posting above is sarcastic.
Get over yourself, have a pint and say ‘Feck-it’ - hell, I’ll pay for it.
View all comments by doctorbond
Doc…
If you are gonna buy peoples booze, could you at least offer to buy it in the Duke or Mango Bar?
View all comments by Day Walker
No worries DW - I’ll be there with my wallet - you can count on it
and it was a ‘delayed action’ offer meaning when both BBK and I are in town - how’s it going with dem camels?
View all comments by doctorbond
$100 bottle of wine anywhere (club/resturant/Hotel) in NYC is common, you are really only drinking a bottle worth no more than $30-40, the price is in the mark up.
I would venture to say that if he is in finance, Hedgefund or M&A in Emerging Markets there is a lot of money being thrown around right now, kinda like the 90’s tech days.
On the other side, the whole stripper thing says nothing, I live by 4play in LA, strippers are cheap if that’s what your into. Also there is arrogance in some of the writing and I think that is what people have taken offense to.
I would venture that most of the people that are on this blog are not the poor pots they like to portray (cheap maybe but not poor
), but are doing well financially. People with money do not need to tout our riches we just enjoy life.
I do want to say its good that you submitted, i have no writting style and keep my adventures in my head… both of them.
GL
View all comments by GoodLife
@TOSH, BBK, we are unworthy.
View all comments by hanuman
@ GoodLife - The M&A world is practically shuttered these days with all of the trouble in credit markets, it’s been something to see, to be honest.
As for arrogance, I won’t really argue much, I am sometimes to be sure, but I think I still keep a sense of humor about myself.
View all comments by Tosh
Hs anyone had an update on the Mango opening? I have checked on BBC News 24 - Nothin’, checked CNN Asia news - nothing. Even checked the Construction Porn site for near live pictures - nothing. Did anyone get there who is still awake? Well, off to buy a £50 bottle of wine to drown my sorrows & a couple of crack whores. Congratulations on getting the bar up & running. Hope it was a heavy night?
View all comments by AUK
@Tosh - “In my world”, a decent bottle of wine is a £5 bottle of Blossom Hill! I did like how you described the girls though, “One was tall and willowy, with wavy curls in her hair”. DH Lawrence sprung to mind.
View all comments by AUK
“One was tall and willowy”
She sounds a little wooden to me.
GL,
“I do want to say its good that you submitted, i have no writing style and keep my adventures in my head… both of them”
I agree about the submission, and like you have no writing style… except I am less experienced
Hope all went well for the opening, headaches and Alka Saltza all round.
View all comments by Spyker
I guess everyone zeros in on the wine comment. Anywho.
DH Lawrence?!? Now that’s taking the piss. I have to move to the East Midlands, start supporting Forest, and develop crushes on older male coal miners next I guess
View all comments by Tosh
Tosh,your posts are annoying… please save us from further agony…
we really do not care about credit markets,not fucking girls,feeling uncomfortable in front of hotel reception and prices of wine in NYC(which is by the way the 30% cheaper than europe or god forbid Distil or Vertigo where prices of wine are x 2)
Please don’t take this personally but you are missing a point of this blog
View all comments by Johnny c
Tosh - I still love ya - wanna go gay?
View all comments by doctorbond
@ Tosh
DH Lawrence is quoted as saying, “I believe the nearest I’ve come to perfect love was with a young coal-miner when I was about 16.”
Cool eh?
I like the East Midlands!
View all comments by AUK
@ Johnny c - I sent in a copy of something I wrote for a few friends to Smitty. It’s his/their blog, not mine, but I’m sure he’ll note your request. And of course I don’t take anything on the internet personally.
@ doctor - I’ll think about it.
I’m on the road for the next few days so you’ll be rid of me for a while for sure.
View all comments by Tosh
Day Walker I have to disagree with you on this one :
“However, you have to feel sorry for a guy that pays $100USD for a bottle of wine, ‘in his world’.”
I really don’t care wether someone drinks 10$ or 3000$ a bottle it’s his choice(I would always pay extra for the wine I like),but the problem is in the arrogant way he wrote it (and ambiguous reason he wrote it for)
View all comments by Johnny c
Johnny C… I was just having a little joke. It was more of a shameless plug for the Duke pub.
It seems to me that all posts get a ‘bashing’ from all of us.
These really should be taken light-heartedly…
I’m sure we are all nice people, just having a little fun.
Apart from DocBond… he’s a real meanie.
View all comments by Day Walker
and proud of it….
View all comments by doctorbond
“Tall and willowy.”
I may know that guy.
.
View all comments by jack dawson
wow, I once said a guy sounded self righteous and that he liked to use big words and I was scolded and pointed out as a prime example of a bad poster……I like the new negativity!
View all comments by RonBaltimore
well folks. still a well read post and commented - even if the comments is for bashing poor tosh. I still say it is worth it. He is being a good sport about it and hanging in there - that only deserves part 3.
Despite what everyone thinks - I like seeing people learn about the place through the blog and then share it back with us. How is that bad? I remember my early trips here and hooking up with girls and paying without getting laid. That has happened to many people. Not just Tosh. Most people are just afraid to admit that it happens.
anyways. all good stuff.
Tosh - u r a good sport about it all.
View all comments by smitty
Judging from the writing, I believe BKK and Tosh are the same person
View all comments by Zdan2005
zdan - I think u mean bbk? he was in the mango last night. tosh is back in the real world. So pretty impossible but nice try.
View all comments by smitty
Yes, fair play to tosh for hanging in. As he says, it does read like a piece written for a few mates.
And the falling asleep without a shag thing I’m sure is something most of us have done from time to time, by design or by acident.
View all comments by Combover
Price is irrelevant… A good wine is one you enjoy.
The owner of the Rainbow group has a vineyard up country.
JD - Good Form.
Smitty - Never did thank you for not posting my part 2 and saving me from a battering. I will get it right in the end.
Tosh had a go, give him a break.
View all comments by Young Royal
What? No shot in the morning either? That what LT is for…
View all comments by John Brown
I quite enjoyed both parts 1 and 2 FWIW.
Don’t see how the wine comment could be construed as arrogant. If I allude to the fact things are a lot more expensive in my country does that also make me arrogant.
A lot of haters on here. You guys should chill
View all comments by james
Tosh: Good post homie.
No matter the prose or perceptions you have about the person writing it, if it keeps you from clicking the back button or going to a random porn site then it’s all good. We can’t all be midnight supermen going around destroying crotches of every lady in bangkok.
A nice unusual story of a guy passing out is rather humorous in my book. I just hope you learned your lesson.
And everyone knows the best wine is Thunderbird or Night train kept nice and warm by a paper bag. nothing like hobo wine to really fuck your head up and make you wake up with a tattoo you’d rather not have or next to a woman you’d rather not have explored.
View all comments by UnoWetbackConGung
Wow tough crowd!
Tosh: I enjoyed the post, I can relate, hey living is learning and learning is living so thanks for sharing.
I understand being well-done and not remembering names of places. Any chance of getting the name of the place from your expat friend? On second thought, maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to post it here, based on so many negative responses. I’ll continue to have fun always looking for it and finding it several times over and over.
Next time at least get that piece in the morning, even if you have break off a little extra to pay for her being “late”, avoid arguing and being able to get the digits, only applies to dime pieces as you seemed to describe.
View all comments by bkkris
I thought Tosh did quite well with the post. He responded to negative comments, told us he’ll be away a few days & we can all await Part 3. I am sure he has thick skin like the rest of us here.
View all comments by AUK
Well maybe we felt sorry for the Tosh basing in the previous post that we did. Check out by clicking below. But after this latest post we reckon his new blog name should be Tosh-er!
Great Australian wine can be bought for $US40. Also great Chile, French and Italian. Buying a wine for $US100 and he doesn’t even mention what that wine is??? Tosh-er!
Nevertheless as a Newbie.. Enjoy the BKK in the 5 star hotels while we enjoy it at the Nana Hotel!
Cheers
View all comments by 3amigos
Why do people keep complaining about the length of articles? I’d rather have a good read than a quick scan of a p4p telegram.
View all comments by Milo
@Tosh-er… M&A is dead stateside but I said EMERGING Markets M&A, which has been busy. (I have been in the financial scene too since 1994… Im a the lead janitor at a bank)
Keep writing though… I still think that you have a good style. Just keep out the wine, strippers, & the i dont touch soi 4 girls… tude.
GL.
View all comments by GoodLife
BBK : ” some legend only is his own mind ”
I am a legend in my own lunchtime, and many of them have been spent in Yates’s, where you can still get a decent Aussie red for less than £10 a bottle.
Tosh will no doubt soon be moving downmarket in terms of wine as the shake-out in the W … sorry Banking industry will catch first those who spend 65% of a trip paid for by their employer sleeping on the job.
View all comments by redstar
I’ve been (literally) in the jungle and absent from internet connections for a couple of weeks now, so I only read this blog today.
Tosh: I liked it… you write clearly, with an easy to read style.
Personally I’ve never understood why readers of Bangkok blogs insist that every story end with a successful conquest of one or more hot Thai women. The fact is that some nights are great and others aren’t.
Johnny c says you are missing the point of this blog, but in fact I think it’s he who misses the point.
My take on this weblog site is that smitty and pmmp are all about the experience — the process of getting to know Bangkok. They have always been open with the highs and lows of mixing sex and business in the Land of Smiles… sharing experiences that can make all of us a little wiser.
Who can forget the stories of rainbow covered puke in pmmp’s bedroom?
I’ve had nights like the one described above, where my girl got away with a few thousand of my baht for taking a nap with me. I’ve had nights where the girl just got away. I’ve had nights where things were glorious.
This blog (the Big Mango Blog) has never been a substitute for the Penthouse Forum where reader letters tell of amazing sexual exploits with amazing women so that everyone can be… well… amazed.
smitty writes an opinion piece on Thai politics or the economy and people leap into the comments section to tell him that this isn’t why they read his blog… get back to telling us about the threesomes.
tosh writes a well-structured piece with the surprise (but true) ending, and he gets lashed for being too drunk to know exactly where he was or to perform the deed.
IMO *THAT* is the point of this blog… to tell the stories that explain Bangkok one small piece at a time.
It ain’t my blog, so maybe I’m the one who misses the point, but I enjoyed parts 1 & 2. I reckon they’ve both been useful reads. After I press the submit button I’ll check out part 3.
Cheers,
WW
View all comments by werewolf
ww - i would say u hit the nail on the head. better than i could.
what I never get is people with one line comments, who never actually write anything are so quick to say they don’t like a post or the writer. no one forces anyone to read anything so what is the deal?
anyway. i hope tosh writes more and I think all in all the blog works for many people for various different reasons.
View all comments by smitty