The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

Well this is my first submission and I hope you find some of it informative. I have been meaning to send something in but I wanted it to be original. I have left Thailand for a while to spend the summer in the Mediterranean and then winter in St. Barth’s. I know what your thinking - hard life but it’s still not easy to leave. There’s no where I really get excited about leaving except maybe the Philippines but Thailand is still number one for me. Anyway back to my topic, I have just been looking through the contents of my phone and thought it was a funny mix of things I wanted to remember that I have picked up in Thailand over the past four/five months. I bought a phone with Thai characters so that I could start sending some basic texts in Thai and ended up storing some odd phrase’s too.

I think others might be like me and like to try texting too, so here’s a starter for you.

• Call me back:
  • ทรทลับดัวยครับ
• I want to meet you now:
  • ผมอยากพบคุณเดี๋ยวนี้
• What do you want to do today?:
  • อยากจะทำอะไรวันนี้
• I miss you so much my love:
  • คิดถึงจังเลยที่รัก
  • Kid tueng jang loi terak
• Variation of above:
  • ที่รักคิดถึงจังเลย

Just like to say I received the last two, as I never say the 3 magic words to any Thai girl.

• Trust makes love work:
  • ความใว้ใจซี่งกันและกัน จะทำให้ความรักของเรามั่นคงยิ่งขึ้น
  • I thought this was a good one to try to convince my girl to stop checking on me.. Didn’t work.

• A true friend walks in when others walk out:
  • เพื่อนแท้จะอยู่เคียงข้างเธอเสมอ

• I have a hangover:
  • ผมปว
• Kiss kiss:
  • จุบ.. จุ๊บ..
  • Joop-joop
• Never mind:
  • ไม่เป็นไร
  • Mai ben rai
• Calm down:
  • ใจเย็ๆ
  • Jai yen yen
• Your lying:
  • โกหก
  • Go hok
• I don’t believe you:
  • ไม่เชื่อ
• Who asked?:
  • ใครถาม
  • Krai tam

And here are some of my personal favorites……

• You’ve got it coming to you (funny):
  • เดี๋วจะโดนไม่ไช่นัมอย
  • Dio ja dorn mai chi noi

I’m gonna give you a slap and not just a little bit (This is good and always taken as funny):

• Dio ja ma dop salop salai duey. Jak dorn mai chai nit noi.

You could have a Buddhist amulet in your mouth and I still wouldn’t believe you:

• อมพระมาพูดก็ไม่เขื่อ
• pra mah put gaw mai cheua (from some old song I think, also funny)

I’m young, hot, full of fire and you wouldn’t be able to control me:

• ผมเป็้นหนุ่มไฟแรง คุฌเอาผมไม่อยู่หรอก

I also found some strange stuff in the notepad with you might find interesting. Tam pua wang phon-bra(k)-ought (which is all correct apart from ought, couldn’t get the right sound but very close), which literally translates as “Follow for hope return” but it actually means exactly the same sort of thing as the English phrase “Feathering her nest” only in Thai it is very bad. It means the girl will do anything to get everything out of you. We all heard the phrases “if a girl wants no money it means she wants it all”

Here’s an interesting one but I warn you its very bad. There is a nickname Tee-hit (hard d/t sound on tee) and it only makes sense if you swap the first letters round (like cunning stunt / stunning c*nt). It becomes Hee Dit which means you have eyes for pussy (a huge butterfly). Wonder how I learnt this one ha ha.. A little more info to explain. We say Japanese have almond shaped eyes but Thai’s say (bearing in mind these are very bad words so they actually rarely say them) “Dit” is the beautiful shape of Japanese gentlemens eyes and “Muoe” (not public hair, different tone) is the beautiful shape of Japanese ladies eyes.

I don’t want to make this post to long but there’s a lot more buried in my phone somewhere and if people like this sort of stuff I would be happy to post more. But I would love to see some more from other people. I like the informative posts as there’s always something to learn from. Of course people if there’s a spelling mistake or something I have wrong let me know. I also found that by having a phone with Thai character as well it became really easy to pick up the letters quicker. The first few messages I got back in Thai daunted me (never occurred they would reply in Thai), but when you actually decipher your first one correctly like when I did, you’ll be over the moon your getting somewhere. I would recommend anyone to buy one. I would love to see more of this kind of learning shared.

Few Notes:

Still catching up just started August, “Banging like a stone” new one to me I thought they were closing their eyes and thinking of Isaan. After a couple of “stones” - I tend to specify that if I have to screw them and not the other way round they only get half. Cold I know but I only say it to the ones with poor attitude that are so fit that I still fancy banging them.

Also about the girls who you buy a ladies drink and they just leave. Well I will only buy them alcoholic drinks then if they jump off to another customer I can drink it myself. (the look on their faces is always priceless “Chok dee kap”).