The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

Pattaya Update Archives

Thanks to Ed of Pattaya Rag for another update.

editor’s note: Changed Bamboo to Buffalo. Typo. Sorry folks.

It’s been a strange week by the Bay. The no alcohol rule for Macha Bucha was pretty much respected by one and all but the same can’t be said for the Friday/Saturday closures for pre Senate, (Pattaya Mayor?) elections. On Friday, a number of go-go’s were open with no alcohol and if you wandered into the back sois you could find the real thing, drinks wise. The Naklua end of town (beyond the Dusit Hotel), was pretty much business as usual. Walking Street had more Thai ladies promenading than usual which I assume was the fallout from the bars that actually closed. With a bit of initiative, you could still find many of the vices that make Pattaya so infamous.

We can only hope that the no alcohol clampdown for next Saturday/Sunday is enforced in the same vigorous manner!Now the high season’s over, (what high season?), for sale signs are going up on bars around town. The Shagwell Mansions on Soi Arunatai is on the block as is Secrets if the grapevine is to be believed. Strangest story to appear on the forums is about a modern Cray Gang collecting protection money from Soi Buakhao bar-keeps. The story claimed a long established and well connected London mob was behind it but other bar-keeps on the forum said it was all news to them. I guess nothing should surprise us in this city by the Bay.

Pattaya Walking Tour No 2

This tour starts at 8.00pm at the Buffalo Bar on Third Road. Very popular off strip bar with residents, it has 45 staff, some stunners(*) included and ST rooms. Opens evenings only and a very easy on the eye (and pocket) sort of way to start the evening.

After Buffalo Bar you can have a number of optional stops and the first is just next door, in The Castle. Pattaya’s one and only fetish club as far as I know. I haven’t been in but a pal arranged a stag party there for a group of bankers from Hong Kong and everything was going famously until the groom was hog tied and fisted by one of the dominatrix. The guy was in agony and screaming the house down and when his drunken pals realised it wasn’t an act and tried to untie him, things turned ugly. Apparently, you can’t quit until the dominatrix says so. Anyway, after everything settled down again the stag group were presented with a bill for Bt35,000. Double ouch…. Looks like you can piss and shit on a HK banker but don’t mess with his arse. Dark clothing compulsory.

When you have finished with the Buffalo/Castle go back out to the road and turn right towards X-Zyte. Next is an optional food stop. Just before you reach X-Zyte you should see the Cherry Restaurant, (same side of road as Buffalo Bar). The chef is ex Royal Cliff / Bruno’s so you know the food is gonna be good. Good and competitively priced. If you want some Americana then you can try Donovan’s next door which is a NYC Deli/Wine Bar/Pizzeria.

When you’ve finished troughing in Cherry/Donovan’s cross Third Road and turn left as far as the first soi and turn right. This is Soi Chaiyapoon. Now this soi has always been a bit run down but it has a couple of points of interest. The first half dozen bars you pass are not gay boy bars but p4p bars for ladies. Keep walking would be my recommendation. About two thirds of the way down the soi towards Soi Buakhao you will see Wins Massage on the left side and Eurasia on the right. Wins receives very high marks on Pattaya Forums for ‘happy endings’ and the basic service with oil/cream costs just Bt250. Add Bt400 for one off the wrist. Full service depends on how much she likes you but could run as much as Bt1,500 which is a bit rich for me given only a curtain separates you from the guy in the next bay. I like to scream you see. Looks wise the masseurs seem to vary day by day so it’s pot luck really what you’ll find when/if you go. Eurasia seems out of place in Chaiyapoon. They have a number of girls who look like Walking Street freelancers and who are probably working in Chaiyapoon in the day times to make extra money. The bar has rooms but they wanted to charge me for the room and a bar fine which I baulked at. Worth a look all the same.

Keep walking towards Soi Buakhao and a place to note but not stop now is Canterbury Tales. Does a great value breakfast for next to nothing if you stick with the set menu. When you reach Soi Buakhao, turn right and head down to Club Blu on the other side of Buakhao. Pattaya’s newest ‘in’ place and worth a few beers of your time. Currently employing somewhere between 35 - 45 girls and quality ST rooms available. I’ve posted plenty on Club Blu on Pattaya Rag so I won’t repeat it all here.

When you exit Club Blu, turn right and right again in to LK Metro. As you walk up LK Metro keep a look out on the right for Hell Club, Pattaya’s very own version of Bangkok’s Eden Club. It will probably be closed by the time you get there but at least you know where it is. A pal visited and confirmed it has the requisite yellow line in the bar and tool kits. He said he had a very special ending. Just as he was about to do his load one of the girls jammed a vibrator up his rear entry and he claims the sensation was truly sensational. He’s from Hull so that probably explains everything to Brit readers of FS2M.

Keep walking up LK and follow the dog leg left. On your right will be Lolita’s in case you want a quick knee trembler in the dentist’s chair. I’ve passed by many times but not yet seen a honey with laughing gear worthy of my tadger.

If you passed on the earlier optional food stop, you now have the option for a Bob’s B.B.Q. special. Great burgers.

The next to last stop on the tour is Champagne Go Go, just down LK from Bob’s B.B.Q. If you’ve raced round the tour then you may well be in time for the 2 for the price of 1 drinks promotion which runs till 10.00pm each night. Depending on the night you may also get a free pizza slice. Just what you need after Bob’s B.B.Q. This go-go has some lookers but as always it’s a question of timing. Last time I was in Champagne it was very ordinary cause the lookers were all out. They have a neat show where the girls drip paint down their bodies and then get in a communal shower to clean up. Works for me.

Nearly there. Exit Campagne, turn right on to Soi Diana and left to the car park of the LK Metropole. In the car park there should be a VW Cocktail bus and you just have to try their Long Island Iced Teas. There’s no scrimping on the liqueur and you will get a drink that will have you floating through the rest of the night.

How many walking tours do you think there are that include a range of bars like the Castle, Hell Club and Lolita’s. Not many methinks but at least you should enjoy it. Just don’t over do it.

* stunner is used here in a Pattaya context and should not to be confused with Bangkok stunner. That’s sort of chalk and cheese.

Next week:

• If you are in Pattaya on Tuesday, Feb 26 don’t forget it’s Misty’s Go Go party night in Soi Pattayaland. The last party ever in the current premises. Promises to be a special night.
• Supposed to be no alcohol from 6pm Saturday, March 1 to midnight Sunday, March 2 but hopefully one or ten places can be found bending the rules.