The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

Greetings and Salutations. It was my birthday this past Monday and what better way for a perv like me to celebrate than to take a trip to Pattaya with some mates. First though, let me say Happy Birthday to Sean Connery who was born on the same day. No, not the same year for you wise asses out there. I once again tried to add my birthday to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/August_25 but the changes didn’t stick. Why do they even put an Edit link on there? What a farce. Anyway, it was off to Pattaya for two days and two nights of excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures (i.e. debauchery). Sorry for the length of the post and if it bores you in any way. These are more notes about a trip to Pattaya than anything else.

Hotel

First up, book a hotel room. Not too much of a challenge to book since it’s low season so it’s more about picking the right one for what you want to do. It was me, sideshowBob (ssB), and Daywalker (DW). The main requirement was to get a room with a Jacuzzi where you can bring back 1-10 girls to party with if the night should go that way. There are two hotels near Walking Street that I know of catering to this type of requirement (if there are more that other’s know about please feel free to leave a comment below). There is the Penthouse Hotel and Galaxy Suites. We’ve done Penthouse a few times and never tried Galaxy so went with Galaxy this time. I called two days before and got their Jacuzzi Suite for 2200/night. We also booked a regular room at 900/night. Each room is allowed two guests, 500/baht per guest over that. Penthouse charges around 1400 baht per extra guest so you can save some serious cash there depending on how many guests you have. Overall, it was a nice suite and the guest policy is reasonable and lenient but for loud, crazy and reckless, Penthouse is the better choice.

Taxi

Gas prices have gone up and so have the taxi fares. Still not too bad though. We booked with the white hair Thai guy who always sits at the head of soi Mango and got a Taxi for 1200 plus tolls. On the way back I booked with a Taxi stand on 2nd road for 1000 inclusive of tolls. Still not sure why coming back is always cheaper but it is. Still, both ways went up 100-200 baht from my last visit six months ago.

Kinnaree Palace (click here for the map)

ssB was all excited to try out a new place he had heard about from the Pattaya Ghost and from a high roller friend of ours so we dumped the bags at the Galaxy and took the first no-passenger Songthaew (Blue pickup truck taxis that circle south to north Pattaya via beach road and second road. Traveling from North to South can run from 10 to 30 baht depending on your distance. You can confirm the destination and price with the driver though before getting on) we could find. ssB was the navigator but was unfortunately given bum directions which is probably why he took the time to map it on Google today. Luckily, our drivers narrowed it down with the help of some area locales. Taking the Songthaew is not the most user-friendly way to get there but it works. It cost the three of us 100 baht and they dropped us right in front.

What is Kinnaree Palace? Well, it’s a semi-luxurious brothel in the middle of a suburban Pattaya neighborhood. Open about ten months now it’s situated in a residential neighborhood about a 10-15 minute ride from Walking Street. Unlike the other houses in the neighborhood, I believe, this one has about twenty hostesses that will take care of all your companionship needs. Kinnaree is open from 1:00pm to 9:00pm.

When you walk through the front door there is a lounge area with about six big leather couches where the hostesses wait to be plucked. This is not the only place the hostesses sit but is the main area so if you see one you like you may want to select her right away. Depending on how busy they get the hot one’s don’t stick around very long.

The place is done out quite nicely. Contemporary, stylish, and very clean. The hostesses wear dresses for the most part but a few of them slut it up with hot pants or slinkwear. We were wearing shorts and overall it was pretty casual but speedos and tank tops would probably not go over well.

We were led through the lounge to a bar area and asked if we wanted to sit in the air conditioned lounge or the open-air lounges. The house has three main areas, the hostess lounge, the aircon’d lounge, and the open-air lounge each with a bar. They also have an outdoor barbecue and some seating. The barbecue, especially the sausages which they say is their speciality, looked pretty good. Lastly, there are three boom-boom rooms (ask for the one upstairs which is the nicest). We chose to sit in the aircon’d lounge.

The aircon’d lounge was pretty large with about ten or so comfy leather couches and a square bar in the middle. Great place to hang out with some buds. We didn’t know anything more than what the Ghost wrote about so we asked the hostess that sat us to explain a bit about the place. It’s pretty simple really, you can pick a hostess to hang out with and if you hit it off you can shag in one of their rooms. Prices are about 100 baht for a lady drink of which the girl gets 30, 300 for the room, and you pay the girl 1000 for the sex.

The next step for us was to pick a girl or girls to come hang out. A few tried to land in our laps but we schoo’d them away and walked around the place to see what was available. ssB drew first blood and reeled in probably the youngest and hottest of the bunch, a 20 year-old cutie in a tiny slut skirt. I concentrated on helping Daywalker find one first, it’s just in my nature. I bought an older hostess a drink to get the low-down on the place and asked her to find a big-boobed sex fiend for DW. She brought over a rather old and not-so attractive lady with a pretty large C-cup. DW was put-off but the ole bag hung in there. Her English was impeccable and she was as dirty as you could possibly hope for. She showed us her boobs and then stripped naked in front of us as she changed dresses with a younger friend of hers that she thought would look better in her dress. The verbal foreplay was off the charts which caught up perfectly with the 3rd Jack Coke that DW just shot down. It was all magical and memorable from there.

With ssB and DW hooked up it was now my turn. I had the old hostess still with me and asked her to help me find a girl. She knew I wasn’t interested in her but didn’t mind since I bought her drinks and was very polite about it all. I walked about but wasn’t blown away with their lineup. They are average here at best so I decided to wait a bit. We then met the official mamasan for the first time. I bought her a drink and asked her to join us. She was mid-30’s with a cracking older-broad body and excellent communication skills. She asked me if she could help with a lady. I had been checking out the bartender and asked her if she was available. She wasn’t sure but ordered the bartender over anyway and I bought the bartender a drink.

The bartender was a little cutie. Twenty-three and just started working there. Her previous job was bartender in the Our Place GoGo on Soi Cowboy. Small world. She was cool and had milky white C’s but was a bit dim-witted and pretty uninteresting. She also said that she doesn’t go with customers to the shag room. I could have pursued and probably got her phone number and met her after work but turned my sites on the mamasan and sent the bartender back to the bar. The mamasan was a flirty one and after talking a bit she gave me a tour of the place which was very nice of her. I then popped the question: do you go with customers? I was about four strong drinks in at this point so what the heck. She told me no and then said “but…”. At this point she got called away for a second and I noticed a feisty young Isaan honey with a slit skirt up to her armpit and immediately invited her for a drink. ssB took off at this point with slut skirt to one of the private rooms. Mamasan came back but she could see that I was engaged with slit skirt and left us alone. ssB came back and then I took a turn.

Slitty took me into the main room and pointed at a circular staircase. I walked up and it took me to a cool and rather large bedroom with a shower. pmmp happy.

When I returned it was DW’s turn. He was hitting it off with oldie-but-goodie and they took off. When he came back, about two hours later, you can see he was blown away and was really excited about the extra attention her tongue gave to his little brown ring. Seems he never received such attention. Well, apart from the time he smeared peanut butter on it and got on all four’s in front of his neighbors Springer Spaniel.

We were all wiped and starving at this point. We were there about 3 or 4 hours and had a great time. The staff was extremely friendly and inviting. The total bill minus the girl and room fees was a mere 2600 baht. Highly recommended.

To get back into town they call you a Songthaew but be careful here. The Songthaew guy knows they have you so they quoted us 200 baht. We told him No and started walking towards the main road. He then came down to 150 which we went for but it’s really not that long a walk to the main road where you can get one cheaper. What a great find and I wish them well all the best.

Tequila Reef

We were all starving and in the mood for some good Mexican. We heard of a place right on Soi Diamond that was a dive but with great food but then one of the Kinnaree girls told us about the best Mexican she knew of, Tequila Reef on Beach Road Soi 7. Turns out I had eaten here before. The food and margharita’s are excellent. Certainly a top place for Mexican in Pattaya and Thailand for that matter but would be considered average in let’s say California. Service staff all had big nogs and were very nice so definitely worth the visit.

GoGo Crawl

I was pretty wiped at this point and decided to take a nap. It’s tough turning 23 again. DW and ssB checked out Happy-A-GoGo which they said was awesome and then I met them later at Super Girl on Soi Diamond. Super Girl had quite a lineup and also a hot tub where two girls just stand there naked. Super Baby across the soi is very similar to this place minus the hot tub. Like Super Baby, they have girls with the most beautiful breasts you can imagine. They could feature this place on the Nature channel. I would love to be a fly on the interview room wall for these bars.

We then ventured over to soi 15. Peeked into Angelwitch and it was about half full and looked like it did last time. Moved right along to check out the new GoGo, Club Misty’s. Very new and totally decked out but no customers and by far the worst lineup we ran into during this trip. The music was too loud and the GoGo outfits and big boots looked horrible on the old saggy dancers. They have fully naked girls slide down poles and dance in front of you which sounds good but the girls were chubby and not attractive so we were one drink and out.

We peeked into Beach Club and it was too crowded so we moved on to What’s Up?. This is the one GoGo DW insisted on visiting because he had such a great time there during his last visit. It’s an extremely fun GoGo with a unique layout. The seats are low and so are the stages. The theme is playful S&M with audience participation. It’s a bit chaotic at times but never boring. However, I was sitting in the wrong seat and was being involved a bit more than I like. There was a naked girl dancing above me and trying to sit on my head with her naked beaver. She then took an ice cube out of my drink rubbed it everywhere and then wanted to put it in my mouth and then in my drink again. I blocked her and continued to fend off others as they basically kept attacking us. Finally had to check bin out of there. I will be back though but will sit in a less vulnerable seat and watch other Punters get harassed. A fun and lively place for sure.

Back on to Walking Street and over to Peppermint GoGo. This place has always been too packed in the past but this is low season so we had plenty of room and found a place near the stage. So much nudity and some stunners. A fun place and the girls are playful. ssB wasn’t too happy though when the really hot girl he wanted to buy a drink for came off stage and went into the arms of a very old man so we took off.

Next up was Coyotees GoGo which is off Walking Street over by Insomnia, the After Hours club. We met the Pattaya Ghost here and he introduced us to the Owner. Both the Ghost and Owner were gracious and bought a few rounds. Hard for me to write about this place though. I will say that the lesbian shows are quite good, and if you like them younger looking then this is the place for you.

At Coyotees I received a call from an old friend who was working at Happy A GoGo now so we headed over there for a few. Always a fun time here and a good lineup. ssB hung out with the Ghost and Coyotees owner and then proceeded to Insomnia after hours. Will let him comment on Insomnia as I didn’t make it there this trip but hear it’s getting pretty good these days.

It was around 2:00am at this point. DW and I decided to try Heaven’s Above before it closed. Heaven’s Above is right below the Galaxy Suites Hotel. They are affiliated in some way and similar to Penthouse and Kitten Club, you don’t have to pay a barfine for the girls if you take them to your room. We figured we would see if we can find a few Heaven’s girls to party with before they closed. Well, we found five of them and the party was on. Upstairs to the room and into the Jacuzzi we went. Fun girls, good times.

ssB rolled in later and then had to take off back to Bangkok as the sun rolled up. Good first day.

Day Two - Start your day the Soi 6 way

Met DW for breakfast around 5:00pm at Molly Malones on Walking Street. The sandwich and soup for 199 baht was weak. A tiny half sandwich and a bowl of bland vegetable soup. Rather unsatisfying. We decided to then take a grotty trip to soi 6 which I try to make at least once every trip.

I just love taking the walk down soi 6 during low season. Hundreds of the hardest and roughest bargirls on the planet, me, DW, and about ten other Punters. Fun stuff. Our first mating call was the best. A 140 decibel screech from a 40+ year-old scag with more makeup than Bozo the Clown: “Hey, I want to fuck you, you fuck me, fuck me up the ass, you can fuck my ass. Where you go? Come back and fuck me in the ass for free.”. You have to chuckle when you hear this shit.

We continued to stroll down soi 6. My MO for this soi is to walk down slowly until you see one you like. Being that there were two of us we had to find two we like which is not an easy task on soi 6.

The girls stand outside the bar so the lineups are out there to see. We continued down the soi and didn’t see one we liked, let alone two. We reached Beach Road and then turned around for a trip back. We peeked into Kiss Kool a soi 6 GoGo that we’ve had a good time at in the past, but the lineup was pretty week so we braved on. I then spotted a big boobed one, DW’s spec, so I asked him if she fit the bill and he nodded approvingly. I figured we should take one if we can get it and then the other guy can either take an uggo for the team or just hang. Well, DW’s babe was cracking. Killer bod. I was joined by a hippo girl but before she could sit down I popped outside to look for something better. They were all eating but I saw a girl that looked nice enough but about twice the weight I normally go for, making her about 50 or so Kilos.

Sitting in the dingy soi 6 foreplay den we were both pretty wiped. The soi 6 trip was really just to get our rocks off quick, cheap, dirty and easy so we wouldn’t be too wound up later on. No french kissing or GFE here. My little chubby thai soccer mom was romancing me just like I wanted and DW’s gal already had her hand down his pants. Soccer mom said all the right things. “You don’t have to do anything. Just lay there and I will suck you off good”. I paid the 300 baht for the room and agreed to the 700 baht soccer blowie. DW soon followed with his. I have to admit that it was kind of fun seeing a bigger girl all naked and giving a blowie. You get tired of young girls with hot bodies so this was a nice change of pace. Mission accomplished, although DW was a bit bruised after his session.

Wifi and the ex-Gik

Took a little nap and used the Galaxy’s free wifi to catch up on email. I then received a call from an old Bangkok Gik who sounded all flustered crying about how her friend abandoned her or something of the sorts. She then went on to ask me for 4500 baht because she had no money and was stuck in a hotel in Pattaya. What a coincidence that I happened to be in Pattaya. She obviously saw me and took the opportunity to hit me up for some cash. Blew her off obviously but saw her later on Walking Street all strung out with a friend.

The Unknown Steakhouse (thanks to the Ghost we now know the name of this place is Cowboy Steak)

In need of some protein and energy given the previous 24 hours we stumbled upon a Steakhouse on the way to Club Boesche, Catz, and X-Zone. Also, ran into this place along the way:

The blonde sitting on the corner was pretty creepy. As for the Steakhouse, I unfortunately forgot the name of the place and haven’t been able to locate it online so any help would be appreciated from one of the Pattaya folks out there (it’s across the street from the pic below). It also has a big light blue oval sign with “Steakhouse” in big letters and about 10 tables inside.

We were the only one’s in the joint so the service was great. The steaks were brought out sizzling by the Chef and were extremely tasty. For entertainment while dining, there is an open-air lounge across the street to watch. Smashed out of their minds Russian tourists dancing, or rather jerking, to international pop tunes played by a mediocre-at-best Thai lounge band is entertainment you just can’t buy. Combine that with seeing these guys:

along with seeing a couple of Arabs negotiating with a Ladyboy, a guy beating up his girlfriend, a 50+ year-old Farang lady dancing on the street while her flab tried escaping from her body, and seeing a depressed dude stuck with his old fat wife while his buddy was with a hot young thai chick, made this a great dining experience.

GoGo and Club Crawl

After the Steakhouse we came upon a street of clubs that were all dead. One of them was the Absolut Club but can’t remember the rest. They were all brand new and all dead. I guess they were hoping the area would grow when Boesche was at it’s high point. With the decreased traffic down that way the future is probably not looking too bright for these bars.

If you haven’t read the Ghost’s post on Pattaya North vs South it’s here. It’s a good read and will explain in more detail the current trend away from Boesche and over to Soi 15. This all happened within a year’s timeframe, pretty fast and pretty surprising.

We then curled around to Club Boesche, Catz, and X-Zone. Catz was dead. This was always a boring GoGo to me so no reason to go in. Lineup looked bored and weak.

We were given a buy-1-get-1-free drink card to X-Zone which shows they are pretty desperate. Passed on it and went to Club Boesche instead. It was only a year ago or less that Club Boesche was one of the hottest GoGo’s in town. My last trip to Pattays about 6 months ago I was shocked to see Club Boesche empty and the lineup seriously degraded. Upstairs used to be going strong with lesbian water shows, and you couldn’t even get a glimpse of the hot tub area on the first floor.

Well, upstairs is now empty and you can easily get a seat by the Jacuzzi. It was however better this time than six months ago so maybe they will hit it again just in time for high season. They had a very hot young couple doing fun lesbian stuff in the hot tub and a few cute dancers. The girls were plentiful and desperate for customers. I noticed the low season hunger here more than anywhere else this trip. We ran up a nice tab buying a few of them drinks and the other’s looked on like the weaker lions of the pack being left out to watch the stronger lions devour the latest kill. Now that I think about it, this is the best time I’ve ever had at Club Boesche so good time to enjoy it in case it ever gets busy again.

We then headed out to Happy again and met with two hot GoGo girls from the night before. They were up for partying so we barfined them and rolled into Lucifer’s for some dancing.

Lucifer’s

I’ve been here in the past and wasn’t crazy about it because the crowd was pretty lame. This time was way better. We took the girls to the back room and it was rammed with freelancers. There were swarms of them. DW had a little buyer’s remorse as a very hot short-haired FL goddess stared him down. At this point though, the shots we were buying for the girls earlier at Happy finally caught up to them. One even fell off her chair. We decided to take it back to the Galaxy and throw them into the jacuzzi to sober them up. It worked.

Back to Bangkok

The next morning we bid farewell to the girls and took a taxi back to Bangkok. These two-day Pattaya trips are great fun and taking them during low season is even better. There seem to be more women than ever in Pattaya so even if it’s not your birthday grab a few mates and head down. You’ll be glad you did.

(Thanks to everyone for the kind birthday wishes, to DW and ssB for another great trip, and for the Mango staff for the surprise party this year)

Check out the latest bar bits for this week here.

Other Bar Bits:
- Closing times: NEP/Soi4-2:00am, SC-2:00am, Patpong-2:00am

Visit any bars, clubs or gogo’s this week? If so, please feel free to leave a Comment below and share your experience.

Only update is that Spice is closing at 3am.

Have any updates on braving the After Hours Scene? If so, please feel free to leave a Comment below and share your experience.

- Breakfast is now served. Free Wifi meet the Mango McMUFFin. No need to ever work in the Office again. Ask about our special Fax, Copy, and Long Distance rates as well
- We lost again this week in the Bar Pool League. We are now 0-3. We suck.
- Next Party: September 5th tenatively, more info. to come…
- Map

Quotes:
#1. “No have lady inside” - What the lady said at the bar outside Red Lips GoGo in Nana Plaza when we tried to go in this past week.
#2. “I was so bored I did a Google search for the letter D” - What a geek friend of mine IM’d me this week.

Tale:
#1. A bar patron told me about how his wife of twelve years finally admitting that she has a son. A year after that she told him that the father was her step-father. Ouch and Ouch!

Definition:
#1. The rectum is about eight inches long and serves, basically, as a warehouse for poop (definition from http://coloncancer.about.com/od/faqs/f/Rectum.htm) - Yuck!

Have any Quotes, Photos, Jokes, or Tales you would like to share? If so, please leave a Comment below with your Quote, Joke or Tale or send them along with any Photos via email for possible inclusion in the next Weekly.

We strongly encourage participation with the Weekly. Ask a question or comment about anything by leaving a Comment below or send us information via email. The more folks participate the more useful this Weekly becomes. Cheers.

Weekly Contributors: BBB: Bangkok Bad Boy, ssB: sideshowBob, and pmmp: pii mai mii pom