Picturesque Pattaya
And so a sequel, I suppose, to One Night In Pattaya - at least in that this is an account of the following trip.
It had started on the internet, as quite a few of my adventures seem to these days. I’d spent a couple of hours checking out one of Thailand’s online dating sites, and came across a girl who, from her photos, was absolutely bloody gorgeous. We’ll call her Noi, because they’re all called Noi, aren’t they? She hadn’t specified where she lived in Thailand, so I figured it would probably be Chiang Mai or Narathiwat, knowing my luck. And that she probably wouldn’t respond to the cheeky message I’d sent her anyway.
A couple of days passed, and I’d forgotten about her completely. I was, instead, entirely focused on planning a weekend in Pattaya with Terry, my co-star from One Night In Pattaya.
This time, we figured we’d get a cab down on the Friday afternoon, and get a couple of nights of hedonism in before returning to Bangkok on the Sunday.
And then, what do you know, Noi replied. She’s a respectable office girl. In Pattaya.
Well this had to be worth pursuing. A good girl in Pattaya? I told her that Terry and I were due in Pattaya that weekend. She said she’d love to meet up. Result.
Going Solo
As the weekend rolled around, Terry was waylaid on a work trip, way out in Bandit Country. He wasn’t going to make Pattaya on Friday, but he’d try to meet me there on Saturday. And so Friday night seemed the ideal time to set up my internet date with Noi.
We agreed to meet at a beer bar (her suggestion) at the end of the soi my hotel was on. I made my way over there early, and sat chatting to a couple of chubby bargirls and supping on very reasonably-priced Heinekens as I waited for her to arrive.
We’d been emailing during the week, and she’d been so keen to convince me that she really was an office girl that she’d sent over several photos of herself in the office. I figured that even Pattaya must have some respectable ladies, right?
And then she finally arrived at the bar, in a dress whose most prominent feature was an even lower cut than circumcision.
“Hello boobs”, I somehow managed not to say. “And bottom”, I didn’t add, as she turned to order her drink. What a body. She looked even better than her photos. I was in love.
A quick drink at the beer bar (Spy for her, Heineken for me), and it was time to hit the town. This was an interesting point, as I’d been wondering where respectable office girls go in Pattaya. I don’t know Pattaya too well, but I’d figured that there must be a refined, up-market, respectable, hi-so and des-res area - one of which I had been previously unaware.
“Do you know Walking Street?”, she asked.
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
Is She Or Isn’t She?
So she goes out to Walking Street with farangs at the weekend, with her tits half-hanging out of her dress, but seems to work in an office. Or at least has posed for a bunch of photos in somebody’s office, wearing office clothes. Which I wouldn’t put past some Thai girls.
It turned out that we didn’t need to take a songthaew to Walking Street, because she was on her bike. And it was a Nice Bike. I know nothing of motorcycles, but this looked expensive. She told me it cost just over forty thousand baht. And that she bought it with a bonus from work.
Well, it’s possible. Right?
So I sat myself astride her chopper, briefly considering that this must be what it feels like to be Young Penfold. We cruised down Beach Road, and I told her I was pretty impressed so far. She has a real job, her own place, her own motorbike, and she’s hot. Not a bad start.
We had drinks in a few of the classier bars (you have to look for them, but they’re there), and a few grimy beer bars. All her choices. No gogos. We talked. We played pool. We got, to be fair, pretty drunk. She offered to pay for drinks a few times - I refused, naturally. But when she got her cash out, I spotted Australian and American dollars amongst the baht. The plot thickens.
Finally, after an abortive attempt at dancing at Marine Disco, it was time to hit the sack. Noi held my hand on the way back to her bike, which was the first real physical contact we’d had all night. She gave me a ride back to my hotel, despite my stern admonishments that she was in no fit state to drive.
Once there, since I have no sense of shame, I decided that I should invite her to stay in my room, on the basis that since we had already been lucky to survive the drive here, and that she would be dicing with death if she tried to drive home. And not because I wanted to shag her fanny off. No Sir-ee Bob. Perhaps that’s where I went wrong. Subtlety can so often be a bridge too far around here…
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll just drive home really fast”, was her logically flawless response. The faster you drive, the less time you have to crash, I suppose.
A sniff-kiss on the cheek, and she was gone.
And so we can surmise either that Pattaya’s good girls don slutwear for first dates and hang out in Marine Disco, or that a Pattaya freelancer wasn’t interested in sleeping with me. I still can’t figure out which it was.
Either way, I reckon I was the only holidaying farang in Pattaya who slept alone on that Friday night. A state of affairs I would be looking to rectify in Part Two, which is a funny one and has Young Penfold in it.
It’s hard to believe that any beach in Pattaya ever looked as good as the one in your photograph does. Damn, man, you show significant promise of a wildly successful career in (misleading) advertising.
View all comments by Old Asia Hand
The only thing missing was her smiling and waving to farangs as you sashayed down walking street (’my fen me’). She’s got hooer written all over her.
Did she talk about her job? Roles and responsibilities, boss, colleagues etc.
View all comments by Combover
Can’t wait to hear how you rectified with Young Penfold the next night. I’m sure he didn’t turn down the invite at the end of the night like Ms. hooer for surer, but please, no details.
View all comments by pmmp
“Did she talk about her job? Roles and responsibilities, boss, colleagues etc.” Thais never talk about their jobs unless it’s too complain or gossip to their colleagues or friends. If you work with Thais in an office you soon find it’s difficult enough to get them to focus on work at all.
When office girls go out they like to have a good time - and in Pattaya there’s a lot of good looking competition - so they will dress accordingly. It’s got nothing to do with sex.
Similarly, a real Thai office girl would never have sex with anyone (especially a foreigner) on the first date. If she likes you it will take a few months to get anywhere, and you’ll also have to endure a few dates when her close girlfriends attend - so she can get a second opinion. She would also offer to pay, or go “American share.”
In your situation, the cash thing, the bike and the clothes indicate she’s very foreigner friendly, which is the exception, not the rule.
View all comments by Mark Lamerton
@OAH: I wanted a photo of Pattaya without bargirls or neon, since I didn’t want to give the wrong impression. That photo came up in a search, and amused me for precisely the reasons you state. If anyone reading hasn’t been to Pattaya, the beach does NOT look like that in real life
@Combover: I was thinking she’s an office girl who doesn’t mind putting it about on the side for “shopping” money, but the very idea that I was rejected as customer material by a Pattaya freelancer hardly bears thinking about.
I try to steer clear of writing identifiable details, but yes - she spoke enough about her job for me to believe that she definitely worked there at some point. When prompted, of course. Whether she still does, who knows?
@pmmp: You appear to have misinterpreted my remarks, with hilarious consequences!
@Mark: All good points, but there’s dressing “accordingly” and then dressing in a way that leaves little to the imagination. Short skirt, belly top, sure. Tits out? Not in Bangkok, or indeed most of Thailand. But then, I guess Pattaya is different…
I’m thinking ‘tweener, for what it’s worth. Guess I need to take her shopping next.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
No doubt this is a “good” girl. She speaks good english, dresses more than sexy, hangs out in walking street, plays pool, holds hands, kisses, exchanges foreign currencies…
How can you even have a doubt???
Sounds like your average mainstream girl. I bet she’s virgin, that’s why she turned you down.
View all comments by Suk Psycho
She’s sees you as a future honeypot. Turning you down is all part of a grand plan (what you can’t have you only want more, right?). The reason she wanted to drive home really fast was due to her anticipation of being the Thai meat in an American-Aussie sandwich.
After a couple hours of methodical role playing, she will collect the outstanding balance and meet her Thai boyfriend at the local lounge where he will proceed to empty her pocketbook by spending 1/2 drinking Johnny Walker Red with his mates and losing the other 1/2 at pool.
At that point the topic of conversation between the young hussy and her young Thai Tarzan will be you and how best to leverage her T&A and a few sick mother stories to relieve you of the remaining funds in your savings account.
To that they toast the anticipated bon appetit.
View all comments by Bubba
I think more research by experienced Pattaya hands are needed. Send me her TLL number and I’ll investigate on your behalf.
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
bbb - I bet PG will even check into for free. seems like the way forward. PG send some photos too. Hell - what is her TLL number BTW - just want to check something…
View all comments by sideshowBOB
@Suk Psycho:
Because she wouldn’t go to bed with me
@Bubba: I’ve been played enough times to have already opened my own sanctuary for malingering members of the genus Bubalus bubalis. I normally get a shag from the girl though. Or at least frottage.
@PG: I may consider auctioning it - once I’ve had my best shot, of course
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=frottage
loving the frottage
is this the same term one would use for dry humping ladyboys?
yp - can we get a consult here?
View all comments by sideshowBOB
“which is a funny one and has Young Penfold in it”
redundant
View all comments by werewolf
BBB, I’m really starting to worry about you.
First, you get turned down for a Cocktail Bar Kharzi Blow Job, and now this!!!!!!
Things can only get better, chin up.
View all comments by Jaiyenyen
The scariest detail about part 2 which i fear will be left out, was when i followed BBB back to his hotel, and he removed his shirt in front of me.
Whilst i was reeling in a state of discust at his groteaque bitch-tits and LP nipples, the ever opportunist BBB winked at me and said “what about it bigboy?” while theatrically pointing at his less them impressive chubby in his un-nervingly tight cream chinos. He then peeled off his velcro sandals, and threw his lime green visa/cap contraption out the window, and ordered “come to daddy” with a leg perched on the bed. As he removed his belt and began to swing it round his head, I took this ask my cue to get the fuck out of there, and flee back to the hetrosexual safety of Jenny Star Bar
True Story. Jing jing
View all comments by Young Penfold
BBB
The saddest part is you have to sleep alone , like you say, on a Friday night in Pattaya.
Surely after Ms Heavenly left, you can descend back into Hell and pick the dozens of denizens that are there queuing to be farang fodder
View all comments by einstein
I think Noi is a ladyboy and a virgin, just waiting for Mr Right (ie you, fatboy) to treat her like a lady - flowers, French violinist, chili-flavoured gel. She’s shy, and naturally nervous as a kitten about giving her Brown Cherry to someone who doesn’t love her for what she is - a woman with feelings, with urges and juices (especially juices) and needs like any other woman. Well, like any other womn with a dick.
Take this courtship period slowly, BBB, and enter into the romance!! Our warmest wishes for you and “Noi”!!
View all comments by Pants Elk
@yp: I was all psyched for a big breakfast this morning. I begged for no details and now I won’t be eating for a while after that way too descriptive account.
View all comments by pmmp
I’m sure once this little problem I seem to be having with immigration is resolved I’ll be down at the Big Mango and the drinks are on me!
(PS great post!)
View all comments by Gary Glitter
I won a mixture of Aussie and US dollars playing golf Friday so when my missus wanted to go out drinking with her pals that night I gave her the job lot of dollars. I couldn’t be arsed to get them changed.
She was dressed to kill when she jumped on her moto-cyke and I didn’t think much of it until I read the post above.
BBB - to prevent a messy hit job can you please confirm if ‘your’ Noi had a freckle next to her right nipple. That’s the one your left hand would have been going for!
I think it’s a coincidence cause when my Noi came home she said she’d been pestered all night by a brain dead farang and I’m sure that description doesn’t fit you.
She was in the office Saturday morning like a good un, working away on her computer so nah, couldn’t have been my missus.
View all comments by Ed
bbb: i sitting on the edge of my seat for a confirmation about Ed’s query….
View all comments by bkk22
me too - (no Ed…. two cartridges will do, you’re not that bad a shot are you?)
View all comments by doctorbond
@ Gary - come down to the mango and ill buy you a pint. When your done ill smash the glass in your face
View all comments by Young Penfold
Good girls dressing as freelancers? Well I have seen it with my own eyes, I went out with some girls who I worked with last time in Bangkok. By day they wore conservative office type clothes but when we went out on my last night I was shocked, amazed and nursing a semi for most of the evening.
Or maybe your lady is playing the long game and is, in fact on the game? Looking forward to part 2.
View all comments by Smiler
Actually, I use a cross-handed technique.
And sadly her nipples were just about obscured by the impression of a dress she was wearing.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
I’m still trying to unread Penfold’s indelibly accurate portrait of BBB. My flesh crawled so much I had to crawl after it. Please, YP, work up the theme into a blog piece? You are Boswell to his Dr Johnson. (Look it up).
View all comments by Pants Elk
1. The girl is almost certainly on the game.
2. I think the pic is from the beach at the beginning of Jomtiem beach road. Walking towards Pattaya park it is by far the nicest stretch of beach in Pattaya. It does look that nice in real life and I take a stroll down there every time I go to Pattaya because I go to Pattaya for the beaches.
3. When you total man whores date “normal” Thai women, what do you say about your whore fucking habits.? I have been lieing about it but I dont really know if I should be? I figure it would be a turn off. Really need some advice on this one.
View all comments by Mr Right