Mango Game Show - Part 2 - Is she a he?
Imagine it’s Thursday evening, prime time television, you turn on Thai Channel 3 and low and behold it’s a live feed from the Big Mango Bar Studios and another week of the new game show sweeping the nation, “Pay Me 10,000!”. Let’s check out this week’s show:
The Two Contestants
Contestant #1: Representing Freelancers everywhere, in the pink corner, contestant number one is DuckILikeToFuck. Duck, for short, is a 25 year-old dark-hair dark-eyed beauty from the wrong side of the Korat tracks. She started out in the bar business the day after exiting her mother’s spicy womb at the Sabai Dee Mai Clinic, the one behind the motorcycle repair shop not the one next to the food stand that serves great end trails som tam. She was Service and Bartender in her early years but then broke the abstinence in her late teens working various beer bars and massage joints in her home town. Striving for bigger and better things and wanting to make sure her family had land to farm, buffaloes to keep healthy, and proper transportation for her alcoholic brother, Duck set out for Bangkok. At 19 years of age she landed a job through a friend at a Nana Plaza Gogo as a Service girl making a small salary plus tips. She was later given number 43 and promoted to Gogo girl. Several years on the pole were good to Duck and her family thrived off her accomplishments. She made more than most Doctors in Thailand and enjoyed a stable of out-of-town regulars who sent her small but regular chunks of baht to keep her “on the beach” for when they return. At 23, the golden years of a GoGo dancer, she decided to move into the Freelance Market. Her regular income streams allowed her to pick and choose her clients, the hours she worked, and the office (ie. bar/disco) she worked. She likes to fuck and she likes to get paid, in that order, so it’s certainly not a sure thing with Duck. Duck speaks Thai, Lao, and Thai/English. She is 5.0 feet tall (152cm), weighs 88 pounds (40kg), and has a lovely B-Cup (C-Cup with wonder bra). Duck has never had a baby, or at least that’s what she told us, and has only 3 motorci scars, two on the right leg and one on her left shoulder blade.
Contestant #2: In the blue corner is JoePunter. Fresh off his third divorce, two Farangkwai’s and an ex-Bargirl, Joe is now teaching English at a prominent international school satellite office located on Phra Ram 4. Well, it’s actually off Phra Ram 4 on a yet-to-be-named sub-soi. Joe pulls down about 50,000 baht a month and lives in an urban-retro studio apartment above the school’s library/cafeteria. Joe has had a pretty rough life but feels that’s all behind him now. He’s learned from his mistakes and is still young enough, 48, to enjoy the beauty of Thailand (cheap booze, living, and women). His 50k per month and fuck-all savings make Joe a scum-soi-savvy-bargain-hunter, and he really thrives in the Freelancer marker where there is no barfine to dilute the deal. His prime strike location is between Suk Soi 3 and Suk Soi 5 at around 5:30am, the bargain basement of lower Suk. A place where “two apples will get you laid” (fyi: quote borrowed from MorningGuyLarry about how easy it was to get laid in Isaan around 1968) with even better bargains than the much hyped Nana Hotel Parking Lot or as Joe likes to call it “The Luxury Lot”. Joe has roughly estimated that the average short-time price he’s paid is 318 baht over the 50+ girls/LBs he’s taken from there before. According to him, his greatest personal accomplishment. Joe’s second greatest personal accomplishment is creating the chant: “Ex-Wives, Evil, Killed, EEK!, Ex-Wives, Evil, Killed, EEK!…” for the “Ex-Wives are Evil so they should all be Killed (EEK)” non-profit organization of which he is an active member. He is 6.0 feet tall (183cm) and has a beer belly (kg’s unknown).
The Rules
Rule #1: A player wins by collecting more points than the other in the following Events:
Event 1: Is she a he? (100 Points)
Event 2: After Hours Trivia (100 Points)
Event 3: The WW BBB toss (10 Points)
Event 4: Guess the Stain (15 Points)
Event 5: Endurance Challenge (150 Points)
Event 6: ‘Street Math’ Challenge (200 Points)
Rule #2: If the Freelancer wins she receives 10,000 baht from the Punter. She still has to have sex with the guy but it’s only ’short-time’. At the end of the session she can yell “Pay me 10,000!”. If the Punter wins he gets a ‘long-time’ for free. Maximum three pokes but choice of hole for each poke. “Pay me 10,000!” is not yelled at the end of the session. Room, lube (if needed), a bottle of water, and rubbers are provided for free by the lovely “Drive Up and Fuck” PB Hotel.
The Game Show Crew
Host: The “handsome in his own mind which is the only place that matters” ex-Pimp, pmmp
The Lovely Assistant: pmmp’s ‘Lucky Bar’ pull from earlier that morning
Sideshow Bob Equivalent: smitty
Studio Audience Pep Squad: Young Penfold and the Ladyboy Gangbangers
‘Is she a he?’ Research Team: Daywalker
Grumpy Lingiere-Wearing Uncle: Pants Elk
Let the Games begin in Part 2…
-pmmp
“Is she a he” - Daywalker….
oh dear… gone too far now.
View all comments by Daywalker
- what kind of salary can I expect?
View all comments by Daywalker
for future reference ,please don’t let the mullet fool you…
View all comments by Jboy.bkk
Just to clarify for the morons out there who mis-read your post: a “lingiere” is a kind of bigger, re-inforced cod-piece, worn by the dandies of the French court in the late 17th century. It was awarded to those whose penis was just too cumbersome and vigorous for the standard cod-piece. “Lingerie”, of course, is something else entirely, and something even the illiterate fucks who make up your readership can understand, because they’ve been round Robinsons.
I refuse to share a dressing room with Daywalker. Never again.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Awesome post, dude! I’m laughing so hard the electrodes fell off.
View all comments by Radovan Karadzic
Lets just say this did not end well
I think it was fixed.. fixed i tell you.. she used Som-tom power!
View all comments by JoePunter
P.E… that’s the last time I let you barfine me.
Y.P was right. You are mean.
View all comments by Daywalker
@ PE “worn by the dandies”
you said, not me…..
View all comments by doctorbond
… and I can assure you, it’s pronounced ‘Lobinsons’
View all comments by doctorbond
Hmmm, “Guess the Stain” isn’t worth many points, so it must be an easy category. I assume that means that smelling and tasting the stain is allowed?
Maybe they should make it more difficult and raise the points, by forcing the contestants to guess the stain by visual cues only?
View all comments by Twice Shy
dw: the salary for head of ‘is she or a he?’ research is half a bottle of expired Smirnoff Ice Black and you get to sleep with all the models you photograph.
twiceshy: smelling and tasting of the stain is allowed which accounts for the lower reward
View all comments by pmmp
pmmp: can I start with your ‘ex’?
As for expired Smirnoff Black… nah. leave that for the customers.
View all comments by Daywalker
I note that the WW BBB toss awards the lowest points of all. I trust there will be a full explanation of this event forthcoming along with the reason why it is so poorly rewarded. Does it involve smelling and tasting as well?
Does WW toss BBB? Does BBB toss WW? Or are the contestants required to toss WW and BBB? Presumably tossing WW would award a much higher number of points than tossing BBB, unless by ‘toss’ you mean ‘toss off’ in which case the number of points awarded would make total sense.
Are we having fun yet?
View all comments by werewolf
WW: Please respect the hiarachy. Know your place… Act accordingly.
Now.. which one of you is a ’she’?
I have my camera ready.
View all comments by Daywalker
umm, i work with dudes from channel 3 and have never heard of this show. what time is it on?
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
My guess is the WW and BBB toss can only work one way.
I think we need to do this show for real - maybe as an online video. I am calling my Indian tailor to get working on my SSB outfit.
Anxiously awaiting part 2 in case it influences my outfit at all.
View all comments by smitty
Those bloody Belgian-Brasilians bought Budweiser. The king of beers.
What about that? Does nobody care?
View all comments by hanuman
Let them have budweiser. they’ll probably improve the taste from a piss flavored water to something more palatable.
Can i wear my mariachi getup and be the houseband for this show? i do a mean cover of “play that funky music white boy” on the accordion while mi primo plays the maracas.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
h - i could not give a rats ass. seems to me american companies are getting bought out left right and center because of the poor economy and lots of mis-management. Bud sucks ass anyway.
howwetisyourbacktoday - pmmp obviously controls the show. I am simply SSB but I love the idea. How sick is the getup and will u use a small, malnourished soi dog as a pretend chihuahua?
View all comments by smitty
Smitty, I hope you don’t use the same Indian taylor you were renting from. I’m sure they would screw you any way they could and it won’t be nice. I wonder what you would look like in drag?
View all comments by The Man
the man - never used them even when i was a tenant. I aint that dumb.
View all comments by smitty
i come decked out in the huge mariachi hat with ostrich cowboy boots. rhinestone studded belt with rodeo buckle. the outfit is neon green with mother of pearl and faux ruby studs throughout the seams. my accordion has streamers, the kind you had on your bike when you were six. i think it’s a badass getup. i got lots of immigrant ass wearing it around san francisco’s mission district on the sabbath. i’ll even grow the chalino sanchez or vicente fernandes facial hair.
fuck A soi dog. i bring my own gang of dogs dressed up in ponchos and i get them drunk off some 1800 silver so you don’t have to worry about them acting up unless one of them happens to be an angry drunk.
i also do a nice medley of journey songs including “don’t stop believin” all in spanish of course with my backing band, LOS COCHINOS HUEROS
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
In a private email, BBB writes to me: “I’ve done a spot of thinking while I’ve been here in Pattya having my ringpiece reamed by a towering Russian ladyman called Florence. I realise I’ve been a bit of a cad when it comes to loosening the old purse-strings when it’s my round. Yes, I have been financially embarrassed of late, but that’s no excuse for meanness, and I’ve decide to make it up to you chaps in fine style. You’ve stood me drinks and pizzas and been absolute bricks for years, and I’ve responded with what can only be called parsimony, stinginess, excessive thrift, and avoidance of pecuniary obligations. To this end, on this Wednesday (number 30), I shall be hosting the first of what I fervently hope will be many Open Wallet nights, at the Big Mango. Please do circulate this invitation to the regulars at the blog, and tell then I’ll see them at the BMB this Wednesday night (number 30), at the Big Mango Bar! I look forward to banging that bell as hard as Florence is banging my butt right now! As ever, Pants, thank you for everything, especially opening my eyes (and wallet!!) as to what a tightfisted fuckwad I’ve been! Your pal, Bangkok Bad Boy.”
I think it’s the least we can do to take him up on his offer. I shall be flying in from Mukdahan especially, as I’d hate the evening to be a damp squib, him sitting alone at the bar with nothing but a wad of 1000 baht notes to dry his eyes.
I’ll be recognisable from my mullet/dread combo, full MANCHESTER UDT kit, and face piercing jewelry. I do hope you can make it!
View all comments by Pants Elk
@cochino: Vicente is the man. They just don’t make manly dudes like him anymore in this day and age. Viva la presencia de Don Vicente Fernandes! Ay!
View all comments by Julian
Pants.. Will BBB be covering travel expenses?
The G2 is on the airstrip waiting.
View all comments by Daywalker
DW - alas, no; so if you’re stuck in the Winersh Triangle right now, you don’t get to be showered with BBB coinage Wednesday. I’ll be severely out of pocket myself, but I’m not doing it for profit. I’ll be there to help the tow-headed lad redeem himself in the eyes of his peers.
Not sure if you’re in the UK or not, DW - shall we see you at the Big Mango? Monocle and all?
View all comments by Pants Elk
I’m stuck in the desert. Doh.
However, I nominate Nid and Oh to represent the DW when BBB is chucking his money around.
View all comments by Daywalker
@ pmmp - can i recommend a quick bit of tinkering with this game show. Surely Bangkok is all about the girls ??? We sorta started off with one girl at the beginning of this, but her birth gender is now in doubt. Add to that the spectacle of two of the Kokospheres (copyright BBB) famous bloggers jerking each other off and some bloke with a wet back turning up in camp cowboy gear and I’m beginning to think that the UK is not such a bad place to be at the moment…
Obviously the BBB wallet thing would be somewhat of an event, but unless he intends to buy me some women with this dosh I’m not sure it will be the clincher that some seem to believe…
View all comments by doctorbond
“I am beginning to think that the UK is not such a bad place to be at the moment”
How’s that UK tax system going at the moment?
View all comments by Daywalker
………..and how taxing would it be to watch WW & BBB jerk each other off?
I think I’ll just pay my 40% until the kleenex has come out, trousers have been zipped up and the girls are let back into the bar
View all comments by doctorbond
P.S. … “Lion Bar” … I laughed till I puked
View all comments by doctorbond
wow! BBB open wallet night, cool. Will be there for sure and I’ll make sure to have some outrageously expensive booze on hand.
drbond: Point well taken but you have to remember that it’s on prime time, channel 3. Have to keep it pg-13. Well, maybe the rules got bent a bit during the endurance event.
View all comments by pmmp
I was going to suggest a game called “Get A Drink Out Of BBB” (2000 points), but in the light of his change of heart it seems a bit callous. pmmp - is Green Label more expensive than Blue Label, or is it the other way around? No matter - rack up a bottle of each!
View all comments by Pants Elk
pe: Blue Label is the nuts so will have a few dozen bottles available. I’m also adding a few items to the bar’s menu as well:
1. Pint o Money - 20,100 baht
(Pint glass with 20,000 baht in it)
2. Green Burger - 20,100 baht
(20,000 baht between two ’soft’ burger buns)
3. Barfine for me - 20,000 baht
(trip with me to Lolita’s where we both get blowies and split the remaining 18,000)
Feel free to send me any other items you would like added.
View all comments by pmmp
woops, forgot about the color of money here. Let’s change the burger name to the ‘Baht Burger’.
View all comments by pmmp
pmmp - what brilliant ideas! You should open a bar or a restaurant!
View all comments by Pants Elk
“trip with me to Lolita’s where we both get blowies and split the remaining 18,000″
- Please tell me you are talking of getting blown by a Lolitas girl and not just using Lolitas as a venue to pleasure each other?
View all comments by Daywalker
BBB should throw a party every month to redeem himself.
View all comments by hanuman
pmmp,
You must have a sick mind to think of all of this, as must the rest of the bloggers to add ideas.
I love it!!
View all comments by Not in Paradise