On-Nutter pretty much sewed up the 1-10’s of all good and evil in Bangers.
But let me take this one step further and go for a 11-20 things that piss me off.
Don’t get me wrong… I love Bangkok …. These may be my little gripes, but I’m just a miserable bastard with time on my hands
11 - Balloon Chasing mother-fuckers. I was at a bar ‘party’ the other week and spied a few of these free-loading, burger eating parasites. Never been to the bar before, and will no doubt ever see them there again. - wankers. Have these got no shame. I’d like to hear from one of these. At least when a hot chick is free-loading… I get to look at a hot chick.
12 - Bar Designers… I’ve noticed that everyone you speak to has an opinion on how the bar could be better. Seriously guys, if you are experts, then maybe you’d be behind a bar of your own instead of spouting off how you’d put the TV 2” to the left.
13 - Lying cows. When you chat to a girl and she gives you the sales pitch of what a dirty little bitch she is, and how many drugs she washes down with neat whisky getting totally off her tits and up for anything, when in reality, she gets to your home and drinks water and eats smelly fruit.
14 - Untidy bitches. – Having hosted many parties…. I find that a girl will, through the course of a night, open a fair few bottles and place the bottle caps on a table, on the floor or even in the ashtray. NEVER IN THE FUCKING BIN that is right next to her?
15 - Wonder bras. These should be banned. I’ve lost count of the times that I’ve got a girls bra off and her tits appear to have been left somewhere else. I think the girls should tell you upfront that they are flatter than an ironing board.
16 - Dumb fucking plastic crash helmets. If you are going to have a law that says you must wear a crash helmet, then enforce it. I am sick of the motorcycle taxis handing me a disease ridden plastic smelly piss-pot of a hard-hat. If I were to fall under a cement lorry, it aint gonna help, so what’s the fuckin point?
17 - DVD sellers that tell you the film is ‘100%’… What gets me is that they tell you that you can return them if they are not 100%. Which I do… So why tell me in the 1st fuckin place that they are 100% instead of truth that is some twat who is suffering from Parkinson’s disease holding a camcorder in a flee-pit cinema.
18 - Fucking idiots at the airport. – We all know what can and can’t go through the metal detector. Why is it some dumb cunt will wait on line for 10 mins, go through the gateway, set off the alarm, and then go back and empty out his keys, coins and mobile. – twat.
19 - Elephants in the road. A few times now I’ve been help up on my travels by a bunch of scruffy kids and a big fuck off elephant. The scruffy bastards offering me bags of food to feed the elephant. It’s your elephant.. You feed the fuckin thing.
20 - Dripping water on the streets. Nine out of ten times, this ‘water’ lands on my bald head. What is this water?.. Educated guess says it’s from the aircon.. but who can be 100% sure. For all I know, I could have someone’s dehumidified farts dripping on my head. Make the overflow pipes 6” longer and let it drip on the road.
#15 is a classic
View all comments by Chris
“These may be my little gripes, but I’m just a miserable bastard with time on my hands”
POOR SOUL
View all comments by 8 ball
#13 is a goodun. In Pattaya recently I got hold of a freelancer who said for 500baht I could do anything I wanted. Wipe my arse on her tits, punch her in the kidneys, stick bamboo shoots up her quim the works.
Got back to my 380baht a night shithole hotel, and she was kicking up a fuss as i had my tongue in her shpincter, calling me ‘rockchit’ (pervert)
Should of asked for a refund
View all comments by Young Penfold
yp - u need to change thai schools.
rockchit is โรคจิต - means psychosis
ta leuang is like pervert
View all comments by smitty
@YP: My stock response to “you can do anything” is now “can I shit in your ear?”.
Not that I’d want to, you understand. Just helps to separate the wheat from the chuff.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Smitty - Im sorry - I bow at your feet. Maybe in your spare time, you can school my uni educated girlfriend and mates, and my thai teacher on thai language as im sure you’d be more then able to teach them there mother tongue?
View all comments by Young Penfold
On the subject of your mother’s tongue, YP …
View all comments by Pants Elk
yp - your gf has been staying with me on the premise that you 2 were broken up. I can’t keep up with you man but clearly that thai chick u rimmed realized your were mentally unstable - hence the comment. I was thinking of picking up some extra cash that way. Good idea. Will start with your GF but she has been paying for my services without the language instruction anyway.
View all comments by smitty
Well shes on the rebound, so shes bound to want to ’slum’ it isnt she? After me, the only way is DOWN
View all comments by Young Penfold
yp - agreed. u will never hear me turn down a freebie.
View all comments by smitty
She was paying you a minute ago? Make your mind up for fuck sake. Noone likes a liar. Whats ‘liar’ in thai by the way? i thought it was ‘go hok’ or ‘doh lair’ but please take the floor and correct me oh wise master you. Maybe you can consulate your thai dictionary and copy n paste it
View all comments by Young Penfold
เบา
View all comments by smitty
Woooooooah! o.k fellas…. time out.. get a room… or an Ultimate Fighting Ring.
My money is on YP, as he has youth on his side. (that and he can pull Smitties hair)
View all comments by Daywalker
I know he would win - I am scared of roid rage.
View all comments by smitty
Nice list. Some questions/comments:
12: My favorite suggestion for the Mango was that the TVs in the center of the bar where everyone can see them should be put on the walls where everyone would have to turn around to view, and then the guy got pissed off when I tried to explain why TVs on the wall were a bad idea. Miserable prick. Some suggestions aren’t too bad though so best to just listen and pick out the good one’s.
15: How can you dislike padded bras when you pad your underwear, or at least that’s what Jonas tells me.
16: Wearing a baseball cap keeps the fungus away.
17: Are you talking about the DVD lady between Suk Soi 3 and 5, the one that we love so? She’s running about 99% for me on good copy versus bad.
20: With all the man ass your grabbing, YP saliva, and the legions of germs and bacteria in your apartment from you, your friends, and your ho’s (especially in your bathroom sink) you are worried about a little water dripping from aircons? Geez.
View all comments by pmmp
On the subject of Ultimate Fighting…. Fedor vs Sylvia tonight. Anyone know where I can watch it in Bangers? Id ask to watch it in the mango, but smitty will prob have his Top Gun/Brokeback Mountain DVDs on the big screen.
By the way DW, the sounds systems lowsy, the TVs are rubbish, the beer not cold enough, the KhaoSan reject behind the bar is a fag and the food sucks ass. Apart from that I love the place
View all comments by Young Penfold
No but anyway. Good list, and we all dig a list. I’m giving you fist-bumps on all of them except the Wonderbra thing. I mean, surely you feel the fruit at the market before you buy it? I’m sorry, but I just can’t visualize a situation where your SURPRISED by a 32-A. Let alone disappointed.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Uh … “you’re” … been reading too may YP comments.
View all comments by Pants Elk
I’m so hapy that you’re back in Bangkok with your nice friends after your wekend at the seside, Sonny. Plese frgive any speling mistakes but it a bit hard too tipe as nts Elk is fcking me in the as
View all comments by Young Penfold's Mum
@Panties: Are those “terrorist” fist bumps, or the regular kind?
Small boobs aren’t as disappointing as droopy ones.
Wonderbra-surprise I have learned to cope with.
Gravity-surprise brings a tear to my eye every time.
Nobody can love a boob that looks like a bowling ball in a bin bag.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Pmmp…
Some questions/comments to your questions/comments.
12 – The comment I regularly hear is that the burger buns should be soft. Falls on deaf ears.
15 – Underwear… Commando. Underwear is for the over 40’s. It helps catch the dribbles of piss for the old-timers.
16 – Do you always keep you 50bht patpong cap with you?
17 – Yes.. the little lovely. She gave me one duff copy. I operate a zero tolerance policy though. What % are you operating at?
20 – I actually sleep next door now. The last place I’d want to sleep is on my stained bed. I leave that to my friends. I always get the girls to wipe their soiled boxes on a towel, before folding it back up and placing it on the fresh pile. The towels I use are hidden away. And I love my sink.. I prefer that to the toilet.
View all comments by Daywalker
Hey BBB - I’ll reply to this over in the comments to my own piece as I don’t want to see its enviable 28% number 2 spot compromised by any more comments to Daywalker’s okay-but-not-as-good-as-my-own thing.
View all comments by Young Penfold's Mum
Ooops …
View all comments by Pants Elk
Haha, rumbled.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
PE: From now on, I shall be giving them a good grope.
- It’s just when I get the them ‘brought in’ that’s the problem.
View all comments by Daywalker
On #16? — My little saying for years has been that
“The only thing those helmets save you from is a ticket”
View all comments by The Ghost
Re No:15 - Once took a girl from Soi4 with amazing looking breasts, only to find out when I popped them out that they resembled Cocker Spanial’s tabs! (Ears to the the yanks) I much prefer soft buns.
View all comments by Auk
also Re No. 15: one of the advantages to pulling in Cowboy (as opposed to Nana or Patpong) is that in many of the bars, just by simply asking, a girl will happily pull out her tits for you to inspect in advance.
View all comments by ratchada
I will admit that my ‘pulls’.. (it’s selecting rather than pulling) have been in some seedy back steet club or I’ve got a night-crawling street urchin.
Will certainly inspect tits from now on though.
View all comments by Daywalker
you’re all private practice
and the rest are all tools
please relax or chill
this was written by someone else
View all comments by Mr Carpet
Mr Carpet.. can you ask the person who did write that, what it means?
View all comments by Daywalker
no offence dw… i have been taken over by an alien
View all comments by Mr Carpet
You forgot one:
Western dudes walking the streets with a “don’t-mess-with-me”- and a “the world is ours”- expression on their ugly faces.
View all comments by Ato
Ato: Is that a pop at me?!!
View all comments by Daywalker
Ratch - I’ve never found the girls at the NEP particularly prudish when it comes to a pre-barfine goods inspection. I’ve checked out full inventories many times. This is difficult (though not impossible) when making your selection from the goods on the street, but by then I’m normally a little too far over the line to really care. However, I have encountered stern resistance to close body cavity inspection on the BTS, so care needs to be exercised, obviously. Monks take particular offence, for some reason.
View all comments by Not Pants Elk At All
DW:
12 – The comment I regularly hear is that the burger buns should be soft. Falls on deaf ears.
If you keep getting the same comment day in day out it should tell you something. I ate a burger at Mango the other day and thought, “the fucking bun’s too hard”. Ate a burger (sitting next to smitty) at Duke the next day and asked why the buns were soft (good) at Duke, but hard (bad) at Mango. He said that they should be the same. There must be little DW-gremlins running around making the Mango buns hard just so he can write a blog. terrible.
15 – Underwear… Commando. Underwear is for the over 40’s. It helps catch the dribbles of piss for the old-timers.
If you have the time to listen to a very long story, I can give you at least one more reason for NOT going commando….
View all comments by werewolf
ww - on the buns issue. I am assuming you are just taking the piss but help me understand the falls on deaf ears or the keep getting the same comment day after day? Frankly it has never, ever come up until DW decided to make it his mission. Which is cool.
There is even a forum thread on it with people discussing it but I guess those are the deaf ears. Don’t worry - I got your soft buns. Let me know when u want to check them out.
We plan on amending the menu so people can make a choice. Choice is not always good with Thai cooks, leaves more room for failure but we do listen to our customers and value feedback. thanks.
View all comments by smitty
Just so everyone knows… I was only fucking with Smitty on the Buns. It’s just a little banter we have. I like ’softies’, he likes ‘toasties.’ He likes Uni -girls, I like cheap street meat.
I like F1, he likes Nascar… etc…
Any constructive comments ARE listened to.
The over 40’s comment was a pop at pmmp. It’s lame I know, but that’s all I can pull the bastard up on.
View all comments by Daywalker
dw - fucking hate nascar. jesus.
I did not even know pmmp was actually aging. news to me.
View all comments by smitty
DW: That sounds like you’re UNDER 40… having seen you, that’s amazingly difficult to believe!
View all comments by werewolf
Smitty - You love it. And Country Music.
WW - I suggest you check those eyes old fella. I’ve another 7 years before I start wearing piss-stained Y-Fronts.
pmmp is only 103…. still a young man.
View all comments by Daywalker
DW - you got those yellowing baggies I sent you, then. They’ll have matured nicely in seven years. Unlike you.
View all comments by Pants Elk