Once you’ve stayed in Thailand for a while, your phone begins to fill up with the numbers of gogo girls, beer bar girls, freelancers, g-club girls, 7-11 girls, coyote dancers and the girl who runs the coffee stand across the street. The cellphone harem, if you will.
Occasionally a girl will move on, settle down, or simply change her phone number - through accident or by design.
Still, a well-maintained stable of harlots will inevitably contain a few girls who, over time, grow to enjoy your company. Some will want to get too close, and need to be pruned away. Others will become that most joyous of companions, the girl who genuinely likes you, enjoys spending time with you, and is making enough money from other customers that she’s more than happy to come over once or twice a week for a discount rate, often even for free.
You’ll usually need to keep her fed and watered, but the cost of doing so is minimal.
Sometimes I call them. Sometimes they call me. Sometimes we bump into each other - literally. But they’re the girls I call when I want something reassuringly familiar, rather than the pot-luck of barfining or otherwise procuring a new girl.
In order of preference…
Number One
My favourite cellphone harem girl for a long time was a former NEP showgirl. She’d gone freelance not long after we met, and had a couple of overseas boyfriends each sending her a monthly stipend in return for her not doing exactly what she was doing with me, as well as each other, as well as presumably others still.
She charged fairly steeply - 2k short time or 3k long time, but was consistently probably the best lay I’d had in Bangkok, so I didn’t mind paying over the odds. She spoke excellent English, was decent company, and had a wonderfully flexible dancer’s body. I used to be impressed if a girl could get her ankles behind her ears. This chick could get her knees behind her ears.
The sex was awesome, but we’d have some fun dates as well. Dinner, a movie, shooting pool, whatever. Guttingly, she disappeared a while back, and none of the three cellphone numbers I have for her work any more.
Number Two
Another favourite was the cleaner. A nice little spinner, very well mannered, and very enthusiastic in bed. She’d call up out of the blue every so often, and ask if she could come over for sex, always for an odd amount. “I need eight hundred and fifty baht”, she’d say. After the dirty deed of darkness was done, she’d clean my apartment from top to bottom, including scrubbing the toilet bowl with loving care and attention to detail. Which was nice. She too disappeared completely after “borrowing” two thousand baht a few months back.
Number Three
Then there’s CLF. I mentioned her a few times on my old site - she was the first freelancer I ever slept with in Bangkok, on my last vacation here. I bumped into her again after the big move, and we had a tumultuous semi-relationship before a spectacular fallout, followed by a fairly regular resumption of rumpy-pumpy.
Currently, however, she is employing a mysterious refusal to even speak to me, because (and I quote) “he is verey bad guy i see now he alway want to fuck me then he can do anything i no want to see him any more he is bad mouth”. That from a text to a pal who bumped uglies with her a while back (with my blessing), and is now receiving regular text messages from her - presumably as an attempt to turn him against me. He chuckles and forwards them on to me instead.
More on her next week, if I can find a way to fit the torrid tale into less than ten thousand words.
So I’m left with a depressingly depleted rota of regulars at the moment:
Number Four
A Soi Cowboy door/hello-girl. A jolly good lay, but inevitably busy during gogo working hours, and frequently barfined by others. Usually happy to come over and make the beast with two backs in the wee small hours, but only on the rare occasions when I’m still up by then, and when she hasn’t already made plans.
Number Five
Five is a skinny but completely insane former Soi Cowboy gogo girl, whose redeeming features are an openness and willingness to try almost anything, often for free.
Number Six
And Six is a chubby beer bar girl, with whom I wouldn’t particularly want to be seen out, but who reliably gives utterly spectacular head.
Inverse Serendipity
Towards the end of a night out, earlier this week, I got a call from Number Five. She wanted to come over for five hundred baht. I figured it was a better bet than picking up a lay of random quality on the Miracle Mile, so agreed.
Walking down Sukhumvit on my way to purchase a burrito the size of my arm from Sunrise Tacos before getting a cab home, who should I bump into but Number Two - who literally jumped on me with delight. Seems I’d forgotten to send her my new phone number a while back, which explained her total disappearance. She didn’t have my two thousand baht, but she was willing to come home and shag me all night and all morning for four hundred.
Except I’d already agreed to Number Five for five hundred, and she was already on the way to my apartment. Curses. I gave my new cellphone number to Two, who told me she doesn’t actually have a phone right now, and left her behind - practically begging me to reconsider. I briefly considered calling Five and telling her to turn the cab round and go home, but decided I’d prefer to remain alive.
Friday night, I got a call from Number Six. Could she come and fellate me all night and all morning for the usual fee? Sure.
And wouldn’t you know it, five minutes after she left on Saturday afternoon, my testes spent and shrivelled like tiny raisins, the phone rings. Number Two from a payphone. She was just around the corner. Could I possibly shag her for four hundred baht.
No. I really, honestly, couldn’t possibly. Physically incapable. Sorry.
What’s the point?
I’m not really sure. I didn’t set out to write a Werewolf-style post, but I think I’ve accidentally done so. It’s more of a recap of events with an explanation of background than a witty tale or thoughtful appraisal of elements of Bangkok life. Not that WW isn’t witty or thoughtful, but this feels more his “style” than mine.
But if I have to reach conclusions, I think it’s telling that a disappointing night in Bangkok is merely having to pay an extra hundred baht for a night of rutting with your 5th-favourite regular shagpiece rather than your 2nd-favourite.
And perhaps I’m looking forward to the tuts and shaking of heads at the revelation that BBB regularly and enthusiastically paid three thousand for long-time.
Mostly I suppose I’m revealing that my cellphone harem is looking decidedly bare at the moment. Clearly, new procurements are required. Hopefully that adventure will provide some rather more amusing material than the past few days have managed…
nb. This article was originally published at Werewolf’s Lair.
Funny stuff (again).
I used to keep a long list of numbers in the phone and had even set up a SMS mailing list I could use to send out late night booty call messages with the first one responding getting the prize.
But over the past year I’ve pretty much stopped getting numbers off P4P girls. Can’t say exactly why except that I’d often look at the entry in the phonebook, weigh that against either a) the odds of finding something better in one of Pattaya’s 74 gogo, or b) the enjoyment of just drinking myself silliy with the boys and getting a good night’s sleep and end up not calling.
After a while I look through the phone and start deleting numbers because I hadn’t called them in so long or, usually, because I couldn’t remember which was was Lek 1 and which was Lek 2.
The girls, like you say, also tend to get attached and, despite the fact they still want your handout, they go on and on about “i miss you” and “why you butterfly.” The illogic that she is both selling a service (and therefore shouldn’t be demanding) and wants to be your sorta-maybe-girlfriend (and can be demanding) never seems to dawn on them.
So, as of now, I have just three numbers in my phone:
1) the 24-year-old teerak who I admitted on the blog that I bought the new dress & shoes last week only to have her get stupid drunk on B-52s. She called tonight actually and I turned it down in favor of BLOGGING!
2) a 18-year-old Peppermint newbie who I actually gave 3,000 LT without her even asking for that much (she’s in the blog if you want details), She’s so happy with the thought she’ll get that much next time she’s called twice today. I didn’t answer either time, and
3) A lovely thing from Insomnia Gentlemen’s club who I’ve shagged silly on a half-dozen or more occassions but refused to give me her phone number until last week. She called today to inform me Wednesday was her day off., whatever that means.
Again, like you, not sure the point here, except that back in The World, I can’t possibly imagine turning down sex, even for money, from an 18 and 24 year old the same day so that I could simply puty pretty pictures on my website and write comments to you.
2)
View all comments by pattayaghost
‘My favorite go go dancer’ has called me seeking a liason twice in the fifteen days that I’ve been upcountry. I had a huge dent put into my cellphone harem when I lost my mobile phone a couple of months back. It’s a phenomenon that I suspect may be difficult to fathom for those who don’t live in Thailand, but which seems perfectly natural when you live here.
Great blog… even if it was a ‘Werewolf-style post’
Only about 12 hours of civilization left before I head back out into the boondocks! I’m glad I got to read this entertaining blog before I took off for another ten days.
View all comments by Werewolf
B/3: Harem management includes owning multiple SIMM cards to dodge the crazy (and broke) ones!
“…but she was willing to come home and shag me all night and all morning for four hundred…” That’s special…
Lots of desperate “working” women in BKK right now. With the rain, and a particularly sparse “low season,” I think there’s a lot of women either out on the prowl for whatever (”walking ATM”) they can find, or heading back to upcountry to plant rice!
WW: I’m looking forward to your “Tales From the Other Side.” There’s got to be 101 stories kicking around in your head.
View all comments by fontok69
A very WW-style blog indeed. This rota-system you guys have got going over there has got to be it’s greatest selling point. I cannot imagine this kind of system being countenanced in any way, shape or form in the western world. The ladies here simply won’t put up with it. Some guys may get away with it here on the premise that “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her”. In Thailand it works just fine on the slightly different premise that “what she doesn’t SAY won’t hurt her.” It sounds like a subtle difference, but in reality it’s a world apart.
View all comments by swampthing
I now make it a policy never to give my cellphone numbers to bar girls; the sheer volume of calls/sms begging me for free sex (normally they pay, of course) was slowing down the entire 1-2-Call network. The CEO of 1-2-Call offered me my own transmitter to alleviate the problem, but I felt it was about time I let the rest of you have a chance, so I have “retired” from the BKK scene. You may notice an upswing (so to speak) in the number of shaggable Thai babes in the clubs and on the streets (many weeping openly) now they’re not fighting each other to get into my luxury suite at the Dysentry Inn. Of course, they’ll be disappoined with your equipment and performance, but at least *you’ll* be paying *them*.
View all comments by Pants Elk
@ghost: I think your point’s even more telling than mine. Turning down sex with 18-24yo hotties in favour of typing words into a box.
@WW: Haha, I don’t think I explained that very well. I think it was more of a diary-piece, which is more your style than mine. No offense meant, as you well know.
@fontok69: Yes, whisper it but we’re in a bit of an economic crisis here. Rising prices should mean that girls charge more money for their services. In reality, they seem a little more desperate, and willing to accept less. Does that make me a moral monster for taking advantage? Answers on a postcard…
@swampthing: Absolutely spot on.
@Panties: How’s the weather? It rained here last night.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
OK lets check my phone……..
Family member…
Ex Akane massage girl…
Current Akane massage girl…
Office girl…
Tulip girl…
Chemist (girl)…
Factory worker (girl)…
Wordsmith blogger…
Hawaiian shirt wearer…
Half man half wolf…
Not exactly overflowing is it?
View all comments by doctorbond
You shagged your CLEANER?
Hang your head in shame young man. Would you ever have sex with a cleaner in Blighty? Methinks not. And don’t give me any crap about it not being the same because no cleaners in England look like that. That’s not the point. Surely you’ve lived here long enough to grasp some understanding of how Thai society works.
You must be the laughing stock of your apartment. And trust me, all the security guards will know.
View all comments by 2monocles
@2monocles:
She wasn’t the cleaner, at least in the traditional sense. That was just her nickname - she was a bargirl who would clean my apartment as a bonus. I thought I made that obvious, but perhaps not.
I am not the laughing stock of Bad Boy Towers. I am its hero. There is a statue of me on the roof. Cast in the tears and envy of my cohabitants.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
what’s wrong with the cleaner? The one on the 6th floor of The Montien c’est magnifique!
View all comments by swampthing
@2monocles - I shouldnt think the security guards have a place to judge and mock as they are pulling in a paultry 6k baht a month. Regarding the cleaner doesnt have a hammer jaw or some form of physical deformity
I once nailed a 18year old cleaner that worked in my office in England, She was a blonde spinner with the face of an angel and gravity defying titties. EVery guy in the office wanted a piece. Happy days
View all comments by Young Penfold
Well i would have to disagree (but in a friendly sort of way). The last thing i would want is some emotionally unstable drunk horny bar girl calling me in the middle of the night!
However when i was first here i did, like you said, collect many numbers. But over time the attraction fades. One of the cool features on the iPhone is you can create a “black list” of numbers that will always ring as engaged when they call you.
Some guys have the old problem with their gf/wife of checking their phone and contact list. Thus they end up using code names for various girls and end up getting “i luv u long time” messages from “Mike”.
View all comments by MSB
One of the cool features of pretty much any phone manufactured in the past ten years is a “silent” mode
That said, I think that drunk horny hotties calling in the middle of the night is a problem I would have rather enjoyed having back in the UK.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
last time i was in the uk mobile phones were the size of a brick and nobody called cos it was too expensive!
View all comments by msb
When you rain into number two on your way home to see number five, why didn’t you see if you could wind up with seven?
View all comments by tosh
@BBB: Until I found this website ..I used to think that Thailand must be a dream come true far ALL the out of shape europeans that could not find girls elsewhere without paying for them.
But know after reading this blog site for the pass month.. I have been inspired to travel and see what all the conversation is about .. I just finish booking a trip (NOT SEX TOUR) Hehe … Just a trip to BKK to see it for myself .. I also read some of WW archive blogs really interesting…
Will travel to Thailand for first time in Oct 2008 by myself so I will continue reading the site until it is time for me to travel..
Funny stuff .. I am guess I should visit Big Mango / Soi Cowboy.. will I get discount if I mention, I was regard my WW/BBB? just kidding….
View all comments by OutSider Looking IN
oh lord… please stop writing this drivel. you are just worsening thailand’s already embarassing reputation and encouraging more pervy ‘out of shape Europeans that could not find girls elsewhere’ like Outsider to come here.
View all comments by fespian
@fespian: Actually I am in great shape mid 20’s workout daily..
I am NOT from Europe …if you read what I wrote clearly … I do not plan to just visit Thailand for sex .. I plan to travel to see this great country..
As stated: “I used to think that Thailand must be a dream come true far ALL the out of shape europeans that could not find girls elsewhere without paying for them.”
My phone has girls that I do not need to pay for to sleep with if they all me anytime day are night.
Since you seem not to understand sarcastic humor .. I will write my respond at a second grade reading level .. so I am not misunderstood…
NOTE THIS IS ALL SARCASM: “Funny stuff .. I am guess I should visit Big Mango / Soi Cowboy.. will I get discount if I mention, I was regard my WW/BBB? just kidding….”
Just like viewing the blog site … interesting to see what individuals write ..
Thanks for your defense of the Thais reputation ..
View all comments by OutSider Looking IN
@tosh: Would have likely ended up with zero, sadly.
@Outsider: No discount. The Mango boys may in fact charge you extra if they find out you’ve been reading this site instead of theirs
@fespian: Thanks for your fascinating and compelling contribution to the site.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
“No. I really, honestly, couldn’t possibly. Physically incapable. Sorry.”
I think you must be losing your mojo chap. Surely not the same BBB who once blogged about emptying his spuds nine times in a single sitting?
View all comments by Combover
@outsider - I should be around in September and October so happy to buy you a BM beer (just the one mind) to welcome you.
Thailand has some lovely countryside, great food, interesting temples (so I am advised) and errrr lots and lot of HOT women
View all comments by doctorbond
@Combover: That was over a few days, I think, or an overnight at least. #2 wanted me to make it three times in one morning. Well, afternoon, but Saturday afternoon *is* Saturday morning, to all intents and purposes. I might have got there in the end, but I got the impression that she wanted a quickie.
@doctorbond: Don’t forget the markets. Markets and temples. That’s why we’re here. Don’t deviate from the official line, they might find us out…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
ah ha!! Just thought I’d pop my head in and check this site out. Interesting read.
My phone is filled with Mango owners numbers and some Mango girls. Fucked the lot of them.
I have fallen foul of adding all my short-term wives on MSN (I was drunk), which can be confusing when they all call themselves the same sooding name. Nid..and god knows how many ‘immies’ there are.
View all comments by Day Walker
Daywalker: nice to see you visiting the cool blue instead of the hot orange.
I find it fascinating to learn that you have fucked ALL of the owners of the Big Mango! I must have missed a memo somewhere.
My phone is filled with Mango owners numbers and some Mango girls. Fucked the lot of them.
View all comments by Werewolf
WW: That WASN’T a typo! I certainly have not fucked the Mango girls though.
And if I’m honest, The Mango guys mostly fuck me
However, they can’t slag me for that comment and visiting the ‘cool blue side’, as they’d have to admit they were here too!!
(I hear Smitty even has a WW t-shirt)
Much Love.
View all comments by Day Walker
Doctorbond,
Just out of interest, what are the names of the Akane girl and the Tulip girl? And yes, I will understand if you are suitably coy and decline to name names.
View all comments by BanginginBangers
Yes, it is all about the Holodex!
ThkGd that is one part that hasn’t really changed from back in the day up till now.
View all comments by bkkris