A few days back I lost my sunglasses. Some may say this is not big deal or get over it but I knew someone had taken them since they just don’t fly away by themselves. Of course I assumed the staff in the coffee shop but I had the wherewithal to wait for some form of confirmation. Here is how it all played out.
The owner of the coffee shop had called to tell me that it looks like a Farang had grabbed them. She wanted me to come check the tapes and see what I wanted to do. Kick his ass was the first thought but anyway.
Let me state some things upfronts. I am a lover - not a fighter. I don’t like to hurt people so really all I wanted was my shades back. My thought process is this. If you are a good person and you picked up my glasses you should have taken them to the manager and left with them with the manager. Simple reason. Then I come back and ask the manager and she would have given them back to me. No biggie. No - I don’t think the manager would have taken them. Let ’s say the person took them for purposes of giving them back to me. Okay - then the person would need to try and find me or at least give them to me when they see me. However - it would be easier to give them to the coffee shop since most likely that is where I would have looked for them.
So I pop into the coffee shop and walk upstairs. Funny thing is I notice a guy in the corner and realize he was the same guy who was there when I left my glasses. Guess what - he saw me too. I thought nothing of it and went to the office. I talked to the lady and apologized for making her think I was accusing her staff and wanted her to know I was just asking if anyone had seen my glasses.
She goes to show me the video but proceeds to tell me that the guy sitting in the corner is the guy on tape taking the glasses. Shit. Either he is an idiot, really dumb or both? Or maybe he was going to give them back to me but he already saw me so why should I have to ask him for them if he had good intentions of returning them to me. Honestly my first thought is he is a thief and does not have good intentions. So I watched the video showing me leaving the shades upstairs and me going downstairs. You see grandpa watching the shades and eventually waiting until no one was around to pick them up. Then he walks around making sure it looks normal and then puts them in his pocket. That’s it. Later he leaves and says nothing to no one. Sorry - any way I look at it the man looks like he is stealing.
So I go downstairs and ponder my next steps. My first thought is to go and ask him but I have no backup and he looks big. Sure he may have them on him and just hand them over. Then again he may not and claim he never took them. Then I would get pissed but how would I deal with it? So I called for some backup just to have some people around. Then I called our police contact and asked her opinion. She said that if I tried to handle it on my own and it went wrong - the police would be less willing to side with me and deal with it. So she sent a copper down to go in with me. I guess one of the bennies we have being in the biz we are in.
He showed up 10 mins later and I explained it all. Then we walked into the office to look at the video. Keep in mind that the guy saw me, the copper and the owner go int the office. I still stand by my opinion that had he intended to return them to me he would have done so by now. I also noticed him shift around nervously when the cop showed up. The cop looked at the video and was shocked the guy was back in the coffee shop. He told me he was simply going to have the man come and look at the video and then see what he wanted to do. So as he walked over to the man the guy grabbed his bag and pulled out the sunglasses while proceeding to tell me that he had these glasses to give back to me. Yeah right. Asshole.
The guy was pretty quiet after this and frankly I did not know what to do. I thanked the cop and the owner and went on my way. The cop was asking me if I wanted to press charges and I said no mostly because I knew it would mean this guy might get kicked out of Thailand. My police contact and the cop said I needed to teach this guy a lesson. Maybe he does need a lesson but I am not sure this is what I want to do to someone.
Tough call. I hope this dude learns his lesson and realizes I saved his ass since with the tape showing that he took them and left the coffee shop - the cop said for sure they could have done something to him. I hope this dude stays out of my coffee shop because I may decide to let him have an earful or 2.
Maybe I am just too nice.
Anyway. The shades are back. The Thais did not screw but one of my own did. I should have known.
I say we punish him. Maybe cut his ears off so he’ll no longer need sunglasses.
Might need to be careful where you leave your goggles though.
View all comments by Daywalker
Hope you tipped the owner - what is it that they say about Thai customer service?
I think you handled it pretty well, and everyone likes a happy ending.
Given that we’re presumably not going to get the video of the theft up on Youtube, can we have a video of the new NEP escalator instead? Saw it in all its glory last night, and I don’t mind admitting that it physically aroused me…
View all comments by TAFKABBB
dw - don’t worry. I put a leash on them. Like your monkey.
t - I was trying to ask for the video but she did not want to because she thinks it makes her coffee shop look bad. I may ask again.
May have to get a camera video of it then.
It is running now?
View all comments by smitty
Yup, was up and running last night.
Can we rename the site to ‘The FARANG Speaks 2 Much About Escalators’?
Ta.
View all comments by TAFKABBB
Great read. I like a happy ending to!
Any chance someone could take a photo of the new elevator?
Would love to see it. Or someone do a short video and post on youtube. Full arousal mode!
View all comments by auk
If it was me id of headbutted the thieving fucker in the mouth. Then when it dawns on me that it didnt hurt him in the slightest, id then have to endure him kicking me to pieces.
Seriously if id of been sly enough to rob them, then saw you the next day id have the sack/nouse to give them back. We could always set up a manhunt, I got plenty of time on my hands
View all comments by Young Penfold
A satisfactory conclusion - I am amazed at the guys gall in returning to the scene of the crime - light fingered AND stupid.
There will always be knuckle grazing twats letting the side down.
I saw a guy in three quarter length houndstooth trousers the other day - and he was British - oh the shame!
View all comments by doctorbond
I still say you should have busted him. He is a thief and was probably back there to prey on other innocent victims. Perhaps he was setting his sites higher, like on a laptop. I’ve left my laptop on the 1st floor of that shop before while I went upstairs to the bathroom. Had that thief-piece-of-shite been there I might have lost my laptop. Only one way these criminals will stop, bust em.
View all comments by pmmp
He had the chance to come clean when he saw you.
Bet his bumhole was making buttons when the BiB came over.
Surely when he saw you duck into the office with the old bill he should have had the sense to hightail it. I say give him the lethal injection as you slip a dry finger in his anus. That’ll teach him
View all comments by Young Penfold
What I would have done is … oh, who cares. But the new escalator information is heartening. I’m skying in in a week or so just to enjoy it. No more hookers for Pants - just glide up to the first floor, run back down the steps, and glide on up again, a frosty suds in my mitt and a pair of purloined jazz goggles jammed on a nose like a float from the Rose Bowl Parade. Bliss.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Big Guys still fall down when you kick them in the nutz…
Dude, you are too nice at times. This is what gives Falangs a bad name scum like this guy, So what if he gets kick out of the country he should have not pulled that crap in the first place. If he would have given you back the glasses when he spotted you cool no harm, but he didnt.. nuff said.
ooh yea more importantly… the manager was she cute did you get a number?
We need a video of someone running down the escalator… slow motion style.
GL
View all comments by GoodLife
Smitty: I actually thought about you today on the train… I saw a 20-something Thai guy wearing a pair of Oakleys that looked like they were two sizes to big for him. I almost kicked the shit out of him right there on the BTS but restrained myself. Good thing I guess.
I’m trying to think of something witty to say about the new escalator, just so we can talk about it more and really piss off Cheapolay. It’s inherently just so damned interesting already that it’s hard to think of interesting things to add.
I do, however, think a 9 minute and 12 second video of the escalator in operation at Nana Plaza is just what we need to really get the flavor of things.
By the way, for those outside of Thailand who may not know, the Thai word for escalator is bondi-luam. If it’s going up you add the word keun; if it’s going down you add lohng.
Wikipedia offers about 1,200 words on the topic of escalators. Among them are these fascinating facts about the invention of escalators:
“Nathan Ames, a patent solicitor from Saugus, Massachusetts, is credited with patenting the first “escalator” in 1859, despite the fact that no working model of his design was ever built. His invention, the “revolving stairs,” is largely speculative and the patent specifications indicate that he had no preference for materials or potential use (he noted that steps could be upholstered or made of wood, and suggested that the units might benefit the infirm within a household use), though the mechanization was suggested to run either by manual or hydraulic power.
In 1889, Leamon Souder successfully patented the “stairway,” an escalator-type device that featured a “series of steps and links jointed to each other.” No model was ever built. This was the first of at least four escalator-style patents issued to Souder, including two for spiral designs (U. S. Patent Nos. 723,325 and 792,623).
Jesse Wilford Reno, George A. Wheeler, and Charles Seeberger
In 1892, Jesse W. Reno, son of American Civil War notable Jesse L. Reno, and an 1883 engineering graduate of Lehigh University, patented the “Endless Conveyor or Elevator.” A few months after Reno’s patent was approved, George A. Wheeler patented his ideas for a more recognizable moving staircase, though it was never built. Wheeler’s patents were bought by Charles Seeberger; some features of Wheeler’s designs were incorporated in Seeberger’s prototype built by the Otis Elevator Company in 1899.
Reno produced the first working escalator (he actually called it the “inclined elevator”) and installed it alongside the Old Iron Pier at Coney Island, New York in 1896. This particular device was little more than an inclined belt with cast-iron slats or cleats on the surface for traction, and traveled along a 25° incline. A few months later, the same prototype was used for a month-long trial period on the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn Bridge. Reno eventually joined forces with Otis Elevator Company, and retired once his patents were purchased outright.”
I was pleased to learn from the Wiki entry that the width of escalators can vary from very small (400 mm) to the more standard 1000 mm found in most airports and train stations.
For those who would like to know more, the Wiki URL is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escalators#Inventors_and_model_development
I’m sure everyone will be interested, but TAFKABBB in particular will probably be absolutely excited to hear that there is a fantastic photo at the top of the Wiki page which shows the triple set of escalators at Canary Wharf in London in all their glory.
View all comments by werewolf
Option 1: Tell the cops you want to press charges. Let the asshole sweat in lockup or whatever they put them. Maybe the guy will have to make a payment to the “widows and orphans fund”. So that makes the cops happy. You’re happy since you got the shades back and the cops have a charitable contribution.
Option 2: Press charges. Go to the cop shop and tell the guy you feel sorry for him since he’s so fucking stupid. Take B2000 as a release fee to drop the charges (he thinks he’s contributing to The Big Mango “pension fund”).
Give the B2000 to the aforementioned “widows and orphans fund” as “thank you” for a job well-done by the local cops.
Either way, everyone’s happy and the asshole’s had to sweat it out for awhile in the local penal system with no harm done other than soiled clothing.
Ah well….glad you got the shades back.
View all comments by The Asian Badger
Seriously dude, and I like this blog, but if you really wanted to make a point about it you would have given the sunglasses back to the guy and said, no, you found them, I lost them…that’s just the way it goes sometimes.
I just think there is so much more to worry about and to concentrate on than a stupid pair of (replaceable)sunglasses, and despite your best intentions of wanting to share your life in Bangkok with all of us (and thank you for that), and despite your angst at losing your favorite pair of sunglasses, you are possibly starting to look a little bit silly for concentrating on something so minor. The guy pocketed a pair of unattended sunglasses, he didn’t pull a gun and take your wallet.
So, please, if possible, could we return to the previously-interrupted program (a good one, by the way) that was helping us learners find our way through the dangerous and exciting Bangkok nightlife?
I’ve only been here 5 years, keep teaching me stuff. And buy a reserve pair of sunglasses so you are covered for the next time!
Cheers, Powers
View all comments by Powers
I liked the sunglasses story. Keep ‘em coming.
View all comments by werewolf
5 years n u still need a helping hand?
View all comments by limmy
From Werewolf:
“I do, however, think a 9 minute and 12 second video of the escalator in operation at Nana Plaza is just what we need to really get the flavor of things.”
Why stop there. Let’s have an Andy Worhol-type movie, filming the Stairway to Heaven for 24 hours. Jeez, there’d be some stuff to see on that, and it could be played endlessly by those poor souls marooned back home in Farangland longing for their return to LOS. Could be a best seller.
View all comments by Bangkok Barry
I wonder how many specs of semen were spilt on the old escalator over its lifetime
Guesses anyone?
View all comments by Young Penfold
powers - no offense but I just hit the ignore button.
Let me know if it worked. Thanks.
I think this escalator video sounds great.
Powers - make yourself useful and film yp coming down the new machine while it is running - like an action shot. use the sepia tone on your camera for extra kicks and send it in to the blog.
ab - it probably might have been a little funny to let the cops have the dude but I just could not bring myself to do it.
yp - pmmp and I have always thought about getting one of those infrared cameras but it just might be a little too much information.
View all comments by smitty
I have found things in coffee shops before that I assumed were forever lost to the owner and took them as my own without feeling like I stole something. How was this guy supposed to know whomever left the glasses wasn’t just a tourist never to return to Thailand again. Maybe he didn’t even know they were yours? I think you overreacted but it’s good you didn’t press charges.
View all comments by sanook sanook
ss - I have to completely disagree.
So what u are saying is someone goes to the bathroom and forgets, sometimes it happens, and you can just grab their shit and take it. Like it was yours?
I call that stealing but maybe I was raised different than u.
I did not study the videos enough but my sense was that I was downstairs when the guy took my glasses.
I call that thieving.
So had a been a tourist and just forgot them it would have been okay for the dude to steal? But since I am a local its not?
pretty wacked theory if u ask me.
View all comments by smitty
smitty, i suppose this situation depends on what angle you look at it from.
in the first post, it was mentioned that the dude came out of the bathroom, noticed the glasses on the table and casually put them in his pocket/bag.
in this post, after reviewing the security tape yourself…it sounds like he was on a reconnaissance mission, staked out your glasses as the mission objective, and high tailed it outta there when the coast was clear.
in the first post, he found a misplaced/lost item. the second post, he was waiting to steal from you.
View all comments by anon
What nationality was the thief? I would like to use the information to further refine my ethnic stereotypes.
View all comments by gavinmac
anon - your comment is correct. The first post was how the lady explained it to me. It was not until I saw all the video that I noticed it all. I think she was just saying someone had picked them up but it was clear he had watched them, picked them up when no one was looking and then waited around to be sure no one saw him. So I was telling it as it played out.
g - he was white and from the accent I guess of UK descent but I can’t be for sure on this.
View all comments by smitty
In Newcastle there’s a tunnel under the river Tyne. It has two wooden escalators each 60 metres long. Built 1967. Original models 1951.
Funniest thing about this story is imagining pmmp nipping off to the toilet with a laptop under his arm. I’m sure anyone would think the worst. No offense pmmp.
View all comments by Young Royal
Is it just me or do you get the feeling one of the posters might be the culprit..hmm…
Good to see he coughed them up at the final moment.You can see already he had no intention on giving them back , had a few chances and let it go.
You just never know what will happen next around here.:)
View all comments by Jboy.bkk
@ Gavinmac that has to be one of the funniest comments iv ever read. And FYI i was secretly hoping he was French with a panchent for speaking thai as loud as he can at the top of his cuntish annoying little voice like the guy in my thai school - that would of been the icing on the cake
I once saw a guys wallet unattended in his pocket, so i hacked him in the back with an icepick took his wallet, mobile and carkeys, but that doesnt make me a thief
View all comments by Young Penfold
Bangkok Barry: a lot of water under the bridge since 9:06 a.m. but the reason for my arbitrary time limit was that I believe u-tube has a 10 minute limit on individual videos.
Perhaps we could set up a video and put it on an endless loop, or better yet, install a live cam and a special website which anyone can log into 24 hours a day to check out the live action on the escalator.
In the perverse nature of the world of the internet (where I seem to be an insignificant force, flying in the face of all logic) such a website would probably become a worldwide phenomenon for the same reason that Sally Jesse Rapael became a millionaire.
View all comments by werewolf
Okay, what I’d have done is sat down opposite him and smiled at him for a while. Just when he’s beginning to look uncomfortable, I say, “keep the sunglasses”. He says something like, “what?” pretending he doesn’t understand, and I say, smile still in place, “keep the fucking sunglasses.” By this time, he’s fidgeting. I say, “put them on. Let me see how they look,” and he gets them out of his pocket and pushes them over the table, he just wants to get away by this point, saying “I didn’t know, man, whatever”. And I pick the sunglasses up and reach across the table and mash them onto his face, and his hands are up and he’s twisting back and away, but I’m above him now and I can feel the sunglasses snap as they break on his face, and one of the lenses pops out and I’m pushing it into his eye with my thumb and he’s doing this kind of high-pitched whine, saying “fuck, man, fuck, what’s your fucking problem?” and I turn away and leave him picking slivers of plastic out of his face, and on the way out I tip the manager massively, with a respectful little wai. That’s what I would have done. Either that or nothing at all.
View all comments by Pants Elk
too many Dirty Harry movies….
View all comments by werewolf
All this worry, stress, and fuss over a pair of sunglasses? Well, all of a sudden those posts about escalators and shady taxi drivers.
Did it ever even occur though he might need them more than you and maybe whey he picked them up in the first place?
You also have to question his so called “intention to steal them”. After all, he returned to the scene of the crime with the evidence in his bag.
I actually give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he planned to give them back and only realized they belonged to you when you started approaching with the police man.
If it was me I wouldn’t give it much thought at all. I have lost so many pairs of sun glasses over the years i simply stopped wearing them. And that really fixed the problem all together.
View all comments by Cheapolay
Cheapolay id love to meet you and give you a medal
Your a saint! Perhaps we could meet at the Nana escalator and i can throw thousand baht notes up your anus?
View all comments by Young Penfold
A meet at the Nana Escalator! When?
View all comments by AUK
YP, sounds good, but I go 1,500 for ST and 3,000 LT. Better to get that out of the way up front. I hate those squabbles over rates post mortem.
By the way, I almost got hit with a 50 Baht service charge by a taxi driver the other day as I was going up the Nana escalator. Barely escaped that one without losing an extra 50 Baht. Its a dangerous world out there in the streets of BKK. Those expats living in places like Karachi, Dhaka, Abuja, Kabul, Nyrobi or Beirut surely must have it better than us here when it comes to thugs and con artists in the land of vertical smiles.
View all comments by Cheapolay
funny stuff CL
View all comments by werewolf
yp - sounds like the wallet was fair game since the guy was a tourist and could use the wallet more than the rightful owner. clean.
ww - funny u mention sally jesse. the theif was wearing this huge sally like glasses as thick as coke bottles so he had very little need of my sunglasses.
ch - no drama. I have to have my sunglasses and I hate stealing. Ever had your apartment busted into it? I have in SF. U feel violated and you want to do what pants elk describes. The dude stole my shades. I felt violated. So I wrote about with greater than 90% of the commenters enjoying the read. Plus with guys like pants elk commenting - I have to write posts like this.
c - decent rates. I am impressed that inflation has not gotten to them yet.
View all comments by smitty
“Too many Dirty Harry movies …” Right. In the sense of too many bottles of hors d’age Armagnac, or too many Havana cigars, or too many short-time spinners from R4 … I was thinking more Joe Pesci, anyway. Because I wear legally-blind grade glasses like sawnoff Tiger bottle-bottoms, the whole issue of sunglasses has remained one of life’s unknowable pleasures for me, like Aerosmith, or quilting. One thing I’ve learned is never to trust any guy who pushes his sunglasses up into his hair, although this is maybe just bitterness on my part, having neither the eyewear nor the thatch to hold them aloft. This theft thing - just how wretched have you got to be to to finesse someone else’s shades into your pocket? It’s not like they’re a pair of, oh, I don’t know, lacy panties, fragrant with the Dew of Love. I’ve done some bad and stupid things in my life, like flying Air France, funding TAFKABBB’s burger tab since 1988, and getting married more times than is strictly necessary (once counts, if you’re counting), but I’ve never stooped so low as to as to take something someone left behind in a restaurant. Unless that drunk girl in Chateau Marmont counts. That was pretty low and wretched of me, come to think of it. But she felt (and possibly looked, although I was in no position to see) better on my face than sunglasses, anyway. And had the same harmful ray filtration factor.
Key search term for Cambodian girls: clumsy.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Yes, I agree Pants Elk’s approach is certainly another good possible option. And the tipping of the manager on the way out is a clever, little important detail, especially in Thailand. It visually reminds me of the scene in Blade Runner where Roy stuffs his fingers down his maker’s (Tyrell’s) eyeball sockets. A novel idea for sure.
But since the guy seems to frequent the coffee shop, he certainly may go back there again. And since you go there a lot too (it kind of sounds like a little romance could develop here from it, but we can save that one for another post), you could always see if the once-a-clepto, always-a-clepto theory holds true.
Here’s the plan: Tie your wallet onto a long piece of transparent fishing line. Then sit down at the table next to him. Give him a big wink and guzzle down your triple latte in one swig. Then wipe the frothy foam of the milk from your mouth off and onto your new Sukhumvit special combo Red Bull/Mooay Thai t-shirt. Stand up, fart, and wiggle your butt a bit so the wallet falls gently out of your pocket and onto the floor. Go downstairs, give the manager a kiss on the cheek, and then ask him to show you the live video screen of the camera upstairs. When you see our handy friend make a go for the wallet then just give the fishing lure a little tug, then as he lunges for it again, give it another tug so that eventually he is lunging and scurrying around the room in hot pursuit of the wallet.
Keep this activity going until you get tuggers cramp or he gives up on the wallet and stops to have a wank. Then post the video on here and see how many people rather watch this coffee shop fiasco video rather than that pathetic, waste-of-bandwidth, feeble attempt at humor video you just posted of the escalator. In fact, I have one of paint drying which might give that one a good god damn run for the money!
View all comments by Cheapolay
Sorry Cheapo were you saying something? I fell asleep after the first 2 sentences
View all comments by Young Penfold
Best comment string in two years!
I recommend you immediately stop posting about threesomes with your bisexual girlfriend and devote the blog entirely to petty theft and escalators.
View all comments by werewolf
All you lot looking and taking pictures of the escalators watch out.
- You could be accused of ’staking’ them out with the intention to steal them.
View all comments by Daywalker
hey cheap. On the beach in baan krut. Tried to read this thread on my phone. Got truncated for some reason. However the escalator worked fine. Strange.
View all comments by smitty
escalator video i meant to say. Hard to type on my phone.
View all comments by smitty
I felt the one thing that Baaaaan Grooooot lacked was hot escalator action. That and any kind of action at all. Except for my bungalow, of course, which throbbed with the gratitude of this year’s lucky winner of the Pants Elk Take A Whore On Holiday Sweepstakes. You rented a car? Class, Sheer class. Me, I anted up for Special Deluxe Diesel Class, with free styrofoamed-up in-flight meals and enraging seat-reclining Thai Sleeping Olympiads in the seats in front. What is it with these snoozing fucking rugwrapped gnus? Pummeling the seatbacks with the knees seems to just deepen their infuriating ability to slumber with their hair in your face. However, there are much better sandcastle facilities at Baaaaan Groooot than Soi 4.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Smitty you crack me up.
View all comments by Young Royal
According to Cheapolay, Smitty has to donate all his earthly belongings to some scumbag because he might need them more. You might as well offer the thief a job at the new Big Mango.
View all comments by hanuman
H - If I could get all of my earthly possessions down to just 1 pair of sunglasses and an old empty wallet on a string, then it would sure make things easier for the people who are going to have to clear out my hovel when I go. Well, I am not too far away anyway.
Incidentally, me thinks Smitty might have just a wee bit more than that, possibly a cell phone with web capabilities, as evidenced by the fact he was blogging from the beach.
View all comments by Cheapolay
let’s be honest - the dude, old or not, was a fucking thief.
my 3 days on the beach lead me to that conclusion.
I had to drive cause there were no seats on the train or bus.
plus I took 2 girls with me…
View all comments by smitty
Theres a immigration officer at Hanoi airport wearing my Adidas sunnies and expensive solar diving watch, but he has a gun. Anyone got the time?
View all comments by Sticky