I just came back yesterday from another Visa run to the Cambodian border and as usual somebody asked me how it was and as usual I said it sucked but what a great business idea it would be if somebody would…
The … is the point of this post. Is it possible for somebody to offer a Visa run to the border in time for my next visa run with the same basic services covered by existing companies but with SEX added?
First off, if you haven’t experienced a Visa run then let me quickly cover what it is. Number one, it’s a complete waste of time. The fine laws of this country will in certain circumstances require you to physically leave the country every 1-3 months to make your prolonged stay in Thailand not so easy to prolong. Instead of making it possible to handle this at the local embassy you have to leave the country, get your Passport stamped, and then come back in.
This requirement has sprung up a healthy business for Visa border run services with the leader in this field being a company called Jack’s Golf. They basically offer the quickest, easiest, and cheapest way to get your Passport stamped by running buses to the border everyday. In addition, they handhold you through the process and offer lunch at the border.
It all doesn’t sound too bad I guess and I’m thankful that Jack even offers such a service. Sometimes you just don’t have the time to properly leave the country and maybe take a few days holiday so Jack’s service is great to have available. However, it’s still something I somewhat dread, mostly because it seems like such a waste of time and even more so that I have to get up so damned early, usually 4:30am.
The bus itself though is pretty nice. Most of the time it’s a big 30-seater air-conditioned charter bus with a bathroom and TVs for showing movies. On rare occasions it will be a small multi-passenger van which I hear is pretty uncomfortable. On the big bus you will usually not have anybody sitting next to you so you can crunch up and try to get some zzz’s. It takes about 3 hours to get to the border. At the border you are led through the lines like cattle and then escorted to a local casino for the buffet lunch. The lunch btw is absolutely horrible almost scary but I always seem to partake. You then have about 30 minutes to wander about the casino. It’s a pretty shady casino and I always donate around 300 baht via the slots or fake horse races but whatever, it’s amusing. After lunch you are escorted back to the border at which time you can pick up some booze or cigs (you save about 300baht per carton or bottle). You are then efficiently herded through the lines by the Jack’s Golf staff and back onto the bus. I’ve never had a problem and the staff is always friendly and helpful. It’s then back to Bangkok in about three hours and they drop you off at one of five locations. All in all, if you take the 5:00am bus to Poipet you get back around 1:30pm. The 7:00am bus takes a bit longer because of traffic. Total cost: 2200 baht (~$70 US). BTW, your trip can go a little faster if you setup your laptop to use GPRS through your phone. This way you can surf the Internet at anytime during your trip.
Again, doesn’t sound so bad I guess but still it’s a pain in the ass. Getting back to the point of this post finally, how can this be made more fun? With sex of course. Some ideas:
1. Lolita’s: “Our border runs suck more than anybody else’s”
Lolita’s buys a big pink van with the famous lips from the logo painted on the outside. Inside you have four curtained off areas one area for each passenger. Two Lolita’s girls who have also been trained in Visa Services are available for “draw the curtain” services as only the Lolita’s girls can provide. The private areas are big enough to lay out and sleep in-between sessions.
Total Cost: 2000baht for Visa Services, 700baht per BJ (one BJ minimum), 100baht for a box of wetnaps (not optional)
2. Eden Club: “Threesome your way to the border”
Eden Club buys a 1977 Lincoln Town Car with all the windows tinted jet black and the area between the driver and the backseat blocked off for privacy. Two Eden/Visa girls accompany you in the backseat with all their toys.
Total Cost: 6000baht for Eden/Visa Services,
3. Baccara: “Our two-story buses have glass between the floors”
Baccars buys a big two-story charter bus with glass separating the two floors. Baccara/Visa girls dance bottom-less on the second floor while passengers stare up on the first floor. Short time rooms available in the back of the bus.
Total Cost: 2000baht for Visa Services, 2000baht per short time (one short-time minimum)
4. Tulip Massage: “Border Happy Endings”
Tulip buys a van with enough room for four massage beds one for each passenger. Two Tulip/Visa girls accompany the ride offering 2-hour Tulip sessions complete with happy ending.
Total Cost: 2000baht for Visa Service, 2000baht per Tulip Session (one session minimum, second session half price)
5. Nana Parking Lot: “Pick-em Adventure”
Negotiate 2000baht round trip with a Taxi guy but first cruise by the Nana Hotel Parking lot at 5:00am and pick up a girl to accompany you for the trip.
Total Cost: 2000baht for Taxi, 1000baht for crackho full-in, 10baht for crack pipe, 600baht for Zithromax the next day
6. Casanova’s: “Exploring new borders”
I will let somebody else provide details on this one but you can imagine twice as many condoms being used.
7. Sex services at the border
There’s an hour to kill in Cambodia. They already offer gambling, why not sex? On a related note, I was the victim of a vicious practical joke by smitty on my second Visa run. He told me that there was a small massage place right by the border where you can get full-service massages by exotic Cambodian women. I was psyched. I even took it easy the night before to rest up. I had seen the place on my first run but I thought it couldn’t be a knock-shop because it was a tiny and pretty exposed part of the casino. Anyway, I walk into the place and there are 3 dingy mats on the floor with one of them occupied by a fat sweaty tuk-tuk driver kinda guy receiving a foot massage. My Thai was really weak at the time so I just sat on one of the mats and asked how much. They said 200baht and I waited for other options. At this time, a lady entered from the back room but she was older than the lady who was there already, who was in her 40’s. I got excited for a moment but then it all fell apart as I realized smitty might have been pulling my leg. Indeed he was. I still haven’t gotten him back for that one. I made up some excuse about not having enough time and got the hell out of there.
These are just some ideas that provide the same services as Jack’s but with some extras at a reasonable cost. It’s even possible that guys would take these rides without even needing their passports stamped. So, if you’re looking for a “How to make money in Thailand” business idea feel free to use any of the above, and please put me on your mailing list.
For others, feel free to contribute any ideas you may have so that budding entrepreneurs in Thailand can start a new service that will be ready in time for my next visa run. Thanks.
-pmmp
Question na: Coming back in, do the Thais demand to see a ticket of some kind (plane, bus, camel) out of the country?
Sex on the bus would be way to nauseating for me but do you think they could fit a regulation-length ten pin alley in the aisle. The pin setter could wear something sexy.
View all comments by Mr. Kotter
k - my experience has been if you have the proper visas they do not require the ticket but if you do not they do and it seems most of the border run people can fake some sort of bus ticket for you for a cost.
This goes with my whole tourism theory that Thailand could just make all of this easier and capture all the dollars involved in this process upfront rather than it going into the underground economy.
bowling on the bus would not make u nauseous but sex would?
View all comments by smitty
I have an idea. Let’s have the government pass a rule that 1-year non-immigrant visa holders (without work permit and/or not married to a Thai) do NOT have to make the visa run, and merely have to report at Immigration. For a small fee of say…. YES, 2,000 baht.
Going on a limb here: 500 people every day times 2,000 baht, would be 1,000,000 baht per weekday or roughly 260,000,000 baht per year into the gov’t coffers instead or visa run companies.
A 700 baht BJ would be optional
View all comments by John Brown
jb - thanks. that is my whole point. this I was to get rid of the sex tourist talk does not go well with the yes - but let’s have a massive underground economy that makes no sense at all. bravo. it is so silly.
View all comments by smitty
Can’t go without it for 1 day?
View all comments by Wombat
@smitty, I must have been typing as you posted the second post. Yes, it took me approx. 14 minutes.
Of course, we also have to add all the legitimate funds that get spent on Non-Thai flights, hotels, girls, food etc. that otherwise would have been spent in Thailand. pmmp mentioned only 300 baht in the casino in this particular land based run, but a lot of people, including you Mango guys I’m sure, use visa runs as an excuse to visit neighboring countries and spend quite a bit more money on those sorties…
View all comments by John Brown
I did not know TULIP offers massage …
You learn something every day!
View all comments by Brazoo
“The fine laws of this country will in certain circumstances require you to physically leave the country every 1-3 months to make your prolonged stay in Thailand not so easy to prolong.”
@pmmp - don’t you qualify for the one year extension through the immigration office so you don’t have to leave every 90 days? or is this post about having to do your yearly “new non-immigrant visa” visa run?
View all comments by anon
On Stickman’s website, last week’s column indicated Zithromax wasn’t effective anymore. Think I read somewhere the same for Cipro. What are the new choices for self-prescribers?
View all comments by Hawaii_Life
anon: I believe I need to do it more for the work permit.
HLife: I might check a few more sources. Hadn’t heard about either one not being effective anymore but I ain’t no doctor, maybe doctorbond can pitch in?
View all comments by pmmp
Hhmm Maybe that only relates to the strains of viruses that you might get from reading that site
..( yes a cheap poke but meant as a joke )
Anyway, pmmp I recently heard of a weekly boarder run service/bus that will be doing runs from soi 4, the setup for 1 of them is a party bus that leaves at 1 am or 2 am , serves drinks and plays music so you can keep partying till the boarder,then the breakfast thing at poi pet, and on the return its like a sleeper. I will let you know when i get more info on it.
View all comments by Jboy.bkk
j - that’s what I am talking about.
please have them connect with us so we can HEAVILY promote their service.
way cool…
View all comments by smitty
I spoke with the owner of Lolitas last night about the possibility of him running a BJ border run service. He has considered it before but does not think the border run option is really viable as the girl is essentially working for roughly 6-7 hours which in Lolitas typically means she can get 5-6+ customers. So to make it worth her while on the bus the she would need to charge 5-6 BJ’s. In which case it would just be cheaper to bar fine a girl and take her with you.
He is however interested in doing an Airport - City Center BJ service - any takers
View all comments by beamer
b - on paper that sounds right but let’s be honest, I don’t think most of the girls are getting that many per day most of the time. Having never been there myself but frequently in conversation with the girls, there are days that they are only getting a few customers a day. I am sure this varies but I don’t think with all the girls they have that they are all hitting those averages the owner mentions but I could be wrong.
View all comments by smitty
@Smitty - yeap initially I was skeptical however I also spoke with another friend of mine that has seen their books so knows exactly how much business they do. He agreed that 5-6 would be typical for some of the girls there and for the others they would rather just sit at the bar and get a couple of customers than get up early in the morning to do bus runs every day.
Either way most girls would expect to get at least 3 customers per working day which at 700baht a “shot” is equivalent to most LT rates.
View all comments by beamer
I’d better chose and book the girl before getting in the bus. How about a “chose your girl for your trip” service?
View all comments by Suk Psycho
b - 3 makes more sense to me and I bet is the average since every time I talk to one of the not super hotties they talk about their 1-3 a day. 3 if they are really lucky. Plus how much is the girl getting from the 700 baht since a lot of guys don’t tip much.
suk - yeah. i think if u make it too complicated it won’t work but I like the idea of a party bus and you could bring your own and the bus could provide a few just in case. even a topless girl serving drinks woul be more fun than listening to the jacks golf folks talk about the weather.
View all comments by smitty
Just trying to pitch in here. How about an Orchid van, ‘You Have to Have Balls to Make This Visa Run.’ 850 baht for oil massage and some therapeutic work on your package. Normal rates apply for additional services and maybe a slightly discounted rate on the way back to BKK.
Works for me
View all comments by tosh
I’ve heard good and bad things about Jack Golf’s service. The bad include having to get up at an ungodly early hour of the morning, their tendency to sometimes use a van instead of a VIP bus, and their destination of Poipet, which tends to take longer at the border.
Although there’s no sex involved as yet, I’d prefer to use thaivisarun.com. They leave from the coffee shop next to Ekamai BTS about 9:30 am and get back sometime between 7 and 8 pm. They go instead to Ban Leam, which, while not exciting, is usually quiet and quick, with no lines or hassles there. Never had a bad experience with them.
View all comments by Teddy Bear
tb - good points but most of us like leaving early. Means we get back early. 90% of the time they use the VIP bus and they go to Ban Leam. Rarely have I been to Poipet with jack’s.
Also for us lower suk guys - having to leave from Ekkamai is a pain.
View all comments by smitty
I’m with TB on this one… I prefer to sleep in, and Ekkamai is just a 6 minute train ride away.
View all comments by werewolf
I used Jack’s Golf once to get a tourist visa from Laos.
Ended up stood in the street outside the consulate at Savannakhet in the baking heat for hours on end. Every time I asked the rep what was going on, he miraculously forgot how to speak English, and tried to hide behind himself in that way that Thais so often do when faced with an awkward customer.
The begging for tips by the Jack’s Golf staff as we finally got back to Bangkok would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so rude. Never again.
Never been to Poipet, but Ban Laem is pretty cool if only for the duty-free. 200 cigarettes for 150 baht. That’s less than a ten-pack cost in the UK last time I checked.
Can’t believe pmmp couldn’t find the full-service massage room
View all comments by TAFKABBB
Now this BJ airport run sounds bloody good,, could run both ways too i spose,be a nice way to be sent on your trip,, sign me up
View all comments by Adz