A common thread to many of the submissions or comments to this or any other Bangkok blog seems to be the variance in services levels. One guy can go to a massage joint and get BBBJ’s and FS and the girl is all over him like a rash. Another guy can go to the same joint and post up a complaint that she didn’t even get her bra off !
Experienced Mongers, along with those with some moderate experience and newbies alike all suffer from this to some degree. We focus often on the girls themselves…. Pon is good for this and Da is bad for that and even individual girls themselves can have off days.
Those of us keen to get the best bang for our buck look to those establishments that return consistently good performances. Places like the Eden Club, Annies and Tulip seem to elicit almost consistent rave reviews and quite rightly they become very popular.
However, there is one factor in the equation that is rarely discussed and it is quite an important one…..
YOU
Yes thats right - You! We love of think of these ladies as sex-machines but of course they are human too - if you are 70 years old, overweight, sporting a rare skin disease and your breath smells like the local piggery then you are unlikely to get the same level of service as Brad Pitt.
This factor surely must account for a significant amount of ’service variance’ and will constantly frustrate some people who are obviously not hunk material.
If, however, in their field report, submissions included a personal rating it might be quite useful and help us all understand what we can expect a bit better. TAFKABBB for example once described himself as about 30 and handsome. Obviously I took this with a pinch of salt, but someone answering that description might receive a better service than someone who had clocked up 60+ years and was being chased by the Japanese whaling fleet.
I suggest a simple ranking Y (for youthful 18 - 35), M (for middle aged 36 - 55) and O (for older 56+) Followed by a G (Gold for trim and good looking), S (Silver for presentable) and B (Bronze if you can identify a particular weakness in your presentation - ugly, overweight, missing a limb, collect antique toasters)
Thus - someone matching BBB’s modest description would be a ‘YG’ I (like many I suspect) would be an ‘MS’
I would like to think that I could then better judge those establishments where I could get the service I wanted if a fellow MS (or indeed an OB) had received a good service.
good stuff…
A wise man once told me the difference between hookers in the UK and hookers in Bangkok was that if the hookers in Bangkok didn’t like you, they wouldn’t fuck you, whereas in the UK, they would fuck you no matter what.
View all comments by bo
Interesting perspective but I respectfully disagree with most of it, expecially BBB being a YG
Luckily, Thailand is a wonderfully surreal existence where age and looks don’t carry much real weight so rating them is irrelevant. Your wallet, intelligence, personal health and hygiene, understanding of ‘face’ and respectful behavior, self-discipline, and personality is what should be evaluated and cumulatively rated.
Score high on this rating scale and you will find that your age and looks don’t matter much.
View all comments by pmmp
And, thank Christ for that, say I…….
View all comments by Old Asia Hand
Agreed with pmmp. Shower regulary, wear neat and clean clothes, be “sanuk” and “jai dee” and the girl will be all over you with her lips
What is FS?
View all comments by Phoenix
Full service
View all comments by smitty
Either all you guys disagree with the Doc, or you have compared yourselves to his ratings and don’t like to score!
View all comments by tripper
I wasn’t expecting disagreement - comments like - oh how wise you are doctorbond - thank you for letting us see the light … you know, that sort of thing….
Showering… hadn’t thought of that
View all comments by doctorbond
that should have read ‘don’t like the score’.
View all comments by tripper
Gotta go with pmmp on this one.
Never had a problem in Tulip or Annie’s.
And yes, a quick spray and spritz (l’Occitaine) before heading out to the BJ bar is a must.
Performance scams a possibility? Leave Miss Chiang Mai for the newbies. Take a gal who looks like she likes you and knows that “the play” (in spite of anything she’s heard from her Auntie, the other girls or her boyfriend) is definitely not gonna be you.
If my nice smile, my 180THB Breezer and my “You can take care, mai” are answered by her saweet “How much you give me, Papa?” I cut bait.
View all comments by thongsuk
I take plenty care to shower and smell nice just before turning up - I keep myself well trimmed downstairs so they don’t have to fight through the undergrowth etc etc. I am polite and smile aa lot, engage them in limited conversation & joke with them; and in fact have been quite successful in margin calls - i.e. I have had BBBJ’s & FS in places where it has been blogged as ‘hit or miss’ by others. On a couple occaisions I have not been successful in obtaining everything I wanted. When I read about success and sometimes failure, I always try to picture the person blogging and wonder to what degree his age and looks contributed to the outcome. I appreciate pmmp’s point that politeness, intelligence, cultural awareness, mannerisms and charm etc are just as important.
View all comments by doctorbond
doctorbond: if there’s one thing I’ve learned about the blogging world over the past year, there will always be people who disagree with you and want to tell you so.
I agree that personal factors influence the experience you get. Being an old, fat, bald guy who would rate low on your proposed scale I should then expect to get accordingly shit service every time out.
I don’t. I usually get great service… especially when I take my time and get to know girls over time and don’t rush it.
I’d rate Sanuk as the #1 criteria for good service, with jai dee coming in a hot #2.
Concern for the girl, personal hygiene and a fat wallet would all rate before I’d start to list age & looks, which are your primary factors. I think you’ve got a reasoned concept, but a faulty rating scale.
In places where the service transaction is a little more rushed (ie. soapie massage where you pick them from the goldfish bowl) your proposed rating scale is more sensible… indeed, it is at these sorts of places where I tend to under-perform, while I generally hit well above my weight-class (figuratively speaking only) in bars where I can spend time showing the girl my ‘charming’ side. (okay, all of you who know me personally… that’s your cue to laugh uproariously)
As you say, the girls aren’t just sex-machines, they are human too, and in the end, Thai girls care about kindness & sanuk more than they care about anything else. If they didn’t, I’d never get laid.
View all comments by werewolf
I do have a good sense of fun (I think) and think I have a good heart too - as I have been told …..
My post seems a bit ’shallow’ now - but I have learnt from the experience - Thanks Chaps
View all comments by doctorbond
Reminds me of a time i was sitting in a bar on soi 20 and was telling a mate about how i had FS for an extra 500baht with a cutie I had some banter with and had had a few foot massages from there @ ’sabai sabai’ massage further down the soi a few days before.
A 110KG, hairy, poorly dressed and brash ozzie guy who was earwigging, butted in and barked “I was talking shyte” as he got quoted 2500 for FS in there that morning
This post isnt a ‘boast’ in anyway if some were to interpret it that way, just highlights how if u connect with a girl and she actually likes you you get better rates and better service, as opposed to dressed and coming across like a turd it will have the opposite effect
View all comments by Penfold
doctorbond, I don’t think your post is at all shallow. Your ratings just aren’t refined enough to be useful. I suggest a much more detailed set of parameters fed into a computer programme, which would result in your official SMR (Shag Monster Rating) serial number. This could then be issued in the form of a discreet enamel badge. I see a scale of 100 being refined enough to be useful, from 001 (technically, medically, and probably legally, unfuckable) to 100 (BBB, by his own modest estimation - a solid platinum photon-powered fanny magnet). I’d like to think that I’d have an SMR of exactly 54 on this scale, for reasons that must remain obscure.
View all comments by Pants Elk
I agree. what i do when i go to thailand, brasil or any place that it is P4P, i treat them, like i would treat any women, with respect. i joke with them, ask them about themselves and make them feel like comfortable. i have a mate who is a total pr*ck with the girls. pretty treats them like meat. and everytime we compare notes, he says i didnt get that kind of service. i wonder why?
i say follow the golden rule with these girls and you will have the best time of your life.
View all comments by Omoroi Koto
I’m in agreement with pmmp, werewolf and Omoroi Koto. Women are women regardless of P4P or not.
For me, the more ways I find to break thru the sex machine/monger facade and create a momentary girlfriend/boyfriend atmosphere, the better times I have had.
The little things like smiling and joking to break the ice (sanuk) holding the ladies chair when seating, looking directly into her eyes when talking, truly listening, sharing from your heart (jai dee), massages, making sure the lady comes first, all combine to show your partner she is valued.
Once value is shown, value is received!
View all comments by mikeyfromcali
@docbond: for me, when I write a blog, i am really happy to get 15 responses of people disagreeing with me and actually discussing my idea than zero response. You’ve written an interesting blog on a relevant topic. No one has said otherwise. I suggest that you should try to enjoy the fact that you sparked a bit of debate, and that people are clearly interested in what you have to say; interested enough to suggest their own ideas on the subject. By my personal standards you have a successful blog! Congratulations!
View all comments by werewolf
db: I agree with ww on this one. Don’t take it personal on whether or not your scale is completely accurate. You brought up an interesting topic and hopefully readers will benefit from the discussion. oh how wise you are doctorbond - thank you for letting us see the light
View all comments by pmmp
You’re right Pants.
Using your somewhat skewed scoring system I was able to push it up to a 61 rating. Then, on the advice of a friend and simply by taking taking a little extra time to get my pubes tinseled I was able to get 500 baht knocked off the Tulip FS chart.
Trouble was each time she swooped down to gobble the goods she’d dissolve into fits of giggling hysterics and was unable to attend to her duties.
Am I doing something wrong?
View all comments by thongsuk
Dear thongsuk
Your problem is nowhere near as unusual as you think. I receive many letters from pube-tinselers who have elicited inappropriate jocularity from kneepadded sexworkers, and my advice is always the same: less is more! Too much tinsel (which I suspect is at the heart of your problem) gives your sperm-thirsty rug bunny the impression of sucking on Don King’s nose. Keep it simple - a few strands artfully intertwined in a well-trimmed bush (and avoiding other Yulish decorations such as baubles, miniature Santas etc) are always appreciated, and boost the SMR noticeably.
Yours helpfully
Uncle Pants Elk
View all comments by Pants Elk
Tinsel !!!! Jeeze, it’s easy when you know how isn’t it? - I had been using fairy lights and spray snow. Carting around the generator in 35 degree heat was an absolute bastard and taking a shower almost took me to a different city of angels.
Thanks for your compliments about the value of the posting - I wasn’t cutting myself up there - just being self-efacing and I am glad it was a successful post. I shall scratch my head and start thinking about my next topic
View all comments by doctorbond
tinsel?? that’s sooo 2007!!
View all comments by anon
Doctor, I wished I had received so many comments with my posts. There are many posts here, but if you look at the list of the reader submissions, only relatively view writers. So keep on posting!
About your future topic I am sure your handle “Doctorbond” means that there are plenty of stories you can tell us, which probably mostly start in a Go-Go with these words:
“Hello sweetie, how are you?… Yes, I am a doctor, how did you know?… Oh, because of my mask, smart girl. Hey, take a look in my bag with those amazing instruments - all designed for a full body inspection of female patients. But that’s our secret ok? I am on an undercover mission to show you what I do with my Goldfinger in your pubic region. Wanna come with me to my private clinic on that island near Phuket after I finish this Martini? You can call me James.”
View all comments by Phoenix
Certainly my ‘bed-top’ manner has been commented on in the past - but hey… what’s so bad about being struck off by the General Medical Council? As for my ‘bag of tricks’ I just have the regulation two bags (my Thunderballs), which admittedly do get a bit full when I am back in Blighty (It’s miserably windy and has been raining for days on end by the way should you wish to sympathise). As for instruments, I have generally relied upon just the one and I must say it has put in some sterling service over the years. Only a matter of weeks before it gets a good workout again - as we doctors say….. use it or lose it.
Incidentally, I was quite genuinely asked (on another site) about my thoughts on STD transmission during BJ by another poster. I mustered up something pompous and medical sounding - by now I suspect he is dosed up on anti-biotics in some cottage hospital with his wife demanding an explanation
View all comments by doctorbond
doctorbond: I’ve found that they get all excited and giggly when you tell them you’re a doctor? Why do you suppose that is?
View all comments by thongsuk
this tinsel thing is killing me…
View all comments by smitty
FYI folks
ever heard of the game where u try to find a search term in google that returns one and only one result?
try this:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=wto&q=pube-tinselers&btnG=Search
View all comments by smitty
And who ever said Bangkok wasn’t a poet’s city?
View all comments by thongsuk
Pube-tinsel is one thing, but I’m regretting adding tinsel to my arse hair, big time. Not only does it cut your hand when you wipe your ringpiece, it makes any activity which moves one butt-cheek against the other (walking, sitting …) acutely painful. It has, however, the benefit of shredding your hemmorrho … your haemorroh … your piles.
(Are we off-topic yet? Is this the farang-woman-posing-as-gruff-voiced-heretic-stoner thread?)
View all comments by Pants Elk
Pants: Assuage that discomfort and those unsightly swellings in sensitive, hard-to-reach, personal crevices where the sun refuses to shine. For years and in hushed tones, Bangkok’s expat cognoscenti have been whispering about the famous “Bangkok-Brazilian” (balmic topicals and soothing unguents extra) available at the better spas.
Just before the Russion Embassy
(soi Sap, back to back with Scoozi off Surawong)
(only 600 baht - called a “wedding course” -dontcha just luv it
)
What’s the use of having a hierarchy if you can’t get your arse waxed for the price of a Rum’nCoke at the Conroy, eh?
View all comments by thongsuk
“ever heard of the game where u try to find a search term in google that returns one and only one result?”
@smitty - believe the game is called “google whacking”
View all comments by anon
I would think most girls would place a high priority on the personal appearance and behaviour of a potential customer.
However, I have seen some rough characters (sporting flip-flops, wife beater shirt with a forest extending from under their arms, tacky tatts, and off-the-table rude demeanor) get priority attention in gogo bars. My guesses are the girls see these guys as tourists who can be plucked, or the girls like rough action. Keep in mind many of these girls have been with rough Thai guys during their young lives, and may sometimes seek similar traits in their farang customers.
View all comments by DJ
Omoroi Koto, what Golden Rule? He who has the gold makes the rules?
Sanuk, jai dee following golden rule #1 and the ability to implement golden rule #2 is recipe for success in Thailand.
View all comments by zingy