The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

It is called Visakha Bucha Day or Big Buddha Day but what it means is bars are suppose to be closed and there should not be a drop of booze available anywhere. Please folks - this is Thailand. Ever know of a holiday u did not see a Thai drink on? I haven’t. Ever seen an opportunity for the Thai Police to make money that they passed up on? I haven’t. Anyway. A lot of things were closed yesterday, as a bar owner it was a mess but we managed to have a fun day none the less.

You would think that on days like Big Buddha Day a bar owner would know if they could open their bar, if they can serve booze or not. Problem is, Thailand is one big gray area with a lack of rules and this can make it easy or make it hard depending on what you are trying to accomplish. Our bar in one part of town was told to close. Then there was some talk of opening but only during the day as long as we paid the police. It is slow season folks and the Police are essentially clueless to the current economic environment so when they are asking for a special opening payment commiserate with high season then you just have to close since it does not make economic sense to open and lose money. Most people assume you will be closed so you will not get as many people as usual. So in that region, we remained closed and it looked like the right call. The Soi was dead all night and nothing opened up for the most part.

Meanwhile in the other part town…

The word was the bars and clubs would be shut but pubs could stay open. Cool. Then maybe it was pub should close. Not cool. Then pubs could open but not serve booze. Wait - some pubs could open but depending on the type of license you had you may or not serve booze. U get my drift? You can’t get a straight answer if you wanted one. The problem with this is one could just stay open and serve but if a particular cop came by who would be upset by this then a manager or owner could end up in jail. Not fun folks.

First step was to take the pragmatic approach. Open. Serve cold tea. Ever been to Chicago? Ever partied past bar and club serving times? Then u know the drill. Go to Chinatown and order cold tea. Feed the monster. Keep the buzz alive. BTW - nothing funnier than watching a FOB digest why he was drinking cold beer out of a tea cup being refilled by a proper teapot. Priceless.

This worked for a while but business was slow. So we went next door to the deli and were mortified to see that they were selling bottled beer. Tea pots be damned. So we made a few more phone calls to get some better information. Yes - you can open but we prefer that you close. Can’t get any grayer than that. Which license do you have? Hmmmm. I can’t get into details folks but let me summarize. The Police had no clue or definitive answers. So you go with your gut. No customers. Chance of getting in trouble. You close. Y? Rarely do bar owners get a chance to drink together so the executive decision was to close and go get messed up. And we did.

Search engine term of the day: chicken watering nipples

First stop was across the street from Silom Soi 3. Little side soi mexican joint called Gordos I think. They have a 700 baht pitcher of margaritas that will leave u on the floor. Couple that with some mexican snacks and we were good to go. The trick with getting booze on non-booze days is to go to less obvious places. One pitcher down and off to Patpong.

We found a few of the smaller side soi bars open. No lights and not too many girls so after one drink in the tavern we moved on. We flagged a taxi down and told him to cruise Petchburi road. We were going to look out for any small bars or massage parlors that might be open. As we have stated before on the blog we like cruising the fish bowls and having a drinks along the way. The booze is a decent price and the fish bowls give u something to look at. The problem is Bkk taxi drivers don’t like open ended fares. They need a destination so after getting asked where we were headed for like the 10th time he finally shut up and cruised Petchburi.

We popped into a few of the massage jonts but everything indeed looked closed. So we kept cruising. Then word started to pour in that a few of the pubs in the Thong Lor police area were serving. That got us to thinking that maybe cowboy was open? Weirder things have happened folks.

So we cruised up Asoke to find out. Taxis were loitering outside the soi and u could make out the faint glow of neon. Sure enough - Cowboy was open. There was less neon and a few joints were shut but the soi was mostly open and full of people. We cruised a few bars and had a nice time of it.

Spice bar was lame.

Afterskool was closed so we went to another small bar - I think it was Dundees. Same story as afterskool but the girls were tame so we moved on.

Tried midnite bar but all the hotties were gone for the night.

Suzie wongs just to see some nudity. Then home. Had to get up early.

This is the funny thing about the bar closings. In my mind, and for the betterment of tourism, I think on these days the bars should all be closed. All across town with no exceptions. If it is Big Buddha Day then respect it and enforce it. When it is a normal day all things should be open, they should all be allowed to do the same things and they should all close at the same time. It would be better for tourism, better for business and better for the low-wage Thai employees. Enough said.

Given that this is not the case the holidays are like one big game of chicken. First everyone is told to close. Then each police station determines who is really closing and who might be willing to pay extra to stay open. Then they put out the feelers waiting to see who might pay and which police station may stand to make the most money. Then they wait until the last minute and make sure that only one station wins the game. Last night it was Thong Lor. So cowboy opened. Lumpini lost.

I would say that yesterday was a little more sensitive than last year due to the TRT decision since they were worried there might be some unrest. I personally think the court made the right move. TRT from day one was created to enrich Thasksin and his party via a scale of corruption unlike Thailand has ever seen. Granted though, read the book, Thaskin was allowed to rise to power providing he shared his wealth with the CPB but Thaskin wanted to share the spotlight and wanted to be the figurehead for the people of Thailand. Big mistake. He was just a lowly Prime Minister - not a deity. So years of a fledgling democracy have been thwarted due to the elected(with bribes) leader’s pension for enriching himsef through his elected powers. It is all rather sad really since now there will be, once again, a power struggle between democracy and well - u know.

Back to normal folks. Today beer will be served in pint glasses, the neon will be on in full force and I will be in search of the next party.