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| A hot Asian babe, yesterday |
Quite aside from not going to the beach with a hot Asian babe, things have seemed to be on the wane a little here in Bangkok lately.
If it’s not an absence of cute girls, it’s an absence of cute girls I haven’t already slept with. My inter-continental bedpost-notch contest has clearly taken its toll.
Still, even a dull couple of weeks in Bangkok is far superior to just about anything the West has to offer - unless you’re a multi-millionaire. I’m taking a quick trip back to the UK myself next month, and I’m already having visions of myself wandering around a grim northern town in flip-flops trying to find the non-existent go-go strip, or even a massage parlour. Sigh…
Pizza and Punani on Patpong
Firstly, the pizza at Madrid bar on Patpong is excellent - I shared a meaty 12″ with a friend (oo-er) recently, great value too, for only ฿300. It’s about half-way up Patpong 1 on your left, coming from Silom Rd. It doesn’t look like somewhere you’d find decent pizza from the outside, but we were pleasantly surprised.
Safari on Patpong 1 is still a throwback to the good old days - the girls actually dance, and there’s absolutely no pressure to buy lady-drinks. Unfortunately only 2 or 3 of the 20 or so girls are even worth looking at. Shame. Still a decent place to chill at the start of the evening.
Electric Blue, meanwhile, totally sucks ass. They used to have a couple of cuties, but the last few times I’ve been in, I’ve been hassled no end by pushy service staff and decidedly plain-looking dancers. I had my hair tousled by a mamasan this week when I refused to buy her an unwarranted drink. This is hardly the height of good manners in Thailand, as she well knows. Congratulations on losing another customer.
Copulation and Codgers on Cowboy
Over on Soi Cowboy, Deja Vu as still running through some entertaining shows every five minutes or so, but again there’s a dearth of truly cute girls. Or am I just getting too damn fussy these days?
Shark bar is still pumping out the cuties at an astonishing rate though, and with the barfine still set at a bargain ฿500, they’re rightly very, very busy.
Suzie Wong still has the best lesbian show, but conversely has precisely zero girls I would want to sleep with. Shame. And please, lose the pasties. If the girls forget their knickers half the time anyway, what’s the point?
The Dollhouse, meanwhile, is just appalling. Attitudes from hell, gurning waitresses pushing trays of ฿20 ping-pong balls into my chest but failing to get me a beer, and some truly retarded customers:
To the fat ugly old guy who was dancing on stage with his shirt off last night - you are an oxygen thief. Please cease to exist.
To the staff who encouraged him - this is not what your customers, who are paying more than five times the cost-price of beer, want to see. There are another twenty-nine go-go bars on Cowboy, and I’ll be drinking in one of those instead of the Dollhouse next time.
Ninjas and Nipples at Nana
Okay, no real ninjas. Which is a shame. Ninjas are cool. Dressing as a ninja when you’re a fat white guy with a beard, however, is not cool. You know who you are. Stop it.
The girls upstairs at NEP’s Mandarin bar keep forgetting to put their bikini tops on. Amnesia is a terrible thing. Reminds me of the time when… er… oh.
The Age of Consent
Is the age of consent in Thailand 15 or 18? Many people think it’s 18 for hookers, and 15 for “good girls”. In reality, whilst it’s not technically illegal to have sex with a girl of 15 or over, all she has to do is complain, or decide months later that she’d like a big pile of money please, and you too can be prosecuted. That’s what happened to Dak Big Ass recently, although with a name like that I have no sympathy. Keep it legal, and keep it safe guys - make sure she’s at least 18.
Finally, a text from a Thai lady of my acquaintance. Sometimes I wish they could speak English better. When I get messages like this, I’m glad they can’t. It’s so much more endearing…
Thank for u by dink for me i love u my friend. Good night i happy today.
That’s all for now folks.
Well I’m not lawyer but I think even if the age of majority is less than 18 you can be hauled into court in the US for your dalliance since that is the age of majority there. So really keep it on the up and up to be safe there are plenty of choices out there.
View all comments by dommy
Exactly - plenty of cute 18+ girls, so no point in taking any risks.
You really don’t want to see the inside of a Thai prison…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Ironically, I got two recommendations today from two different people.
THe first was for Safari, saying it was a bit unique, fun, and a decent place to hang out.
The second was a comment that the pizza at Madrid was quite tasty.
Upon reading your blog tonight, it was like deja vu all over again.
I guess I’ll have to try out Safari & Madrid ~ neither of which I have visited before.
Perhaps its a sign that I should also return to Deja Vu, where I’ve been before, and which always feels eerily familiar.
View all comments by werewolf
Your trip back home will give u a stark reminder of how good u have it.
bkk spoils u quickly.
The other trick is to start trying to date proper thai girls.
That will re-energize u.
Madrid pizza is the bomb!
View all comments by Smitty
Oh, I can believe that. By then time I get back from England I’d be grateful for a soi 7 beergarden 2am special.
I tried the “proper thai girls” - one in particular cost me way more than the regular bargirls, and I didn’t even get to touch her boobies, let alone anything else. Definitely appreciated even the skankiest bars after that…
The third trick, which you didn’t mention, is not to share one’s “to do” list with Issan Cultural Centre bar owners…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Christmas 2006 in the US reminded me just exactly how old, fat and ugly I am….
View all comments by werewolf
Ouch.
I think the first LD was purchased prior to the display of the phone.
View all comments by Smitty
The cute girl from Deja-vu has been with me this month while her mum is in town
The girls in Suzy’s hate those pasties too! The ones they have to wear leave dark patches around their nipples in the shape of a star, and you know how much Thai girls love their sun tans. Might as well just burn brand saying ‘whore’ on their arses. No cute girls in there? Must have different tastes - I have three there, with another two I want but would cause way too many hassles if I barfined. Maybe I was there at the same time and all the cute ones where on my lap
Electric Blue truely needs to do something about some of their staff. I couldn’t finish my drink fast enough.
View all comments by Cabby
So we’re outing Electric Blow?
I just tell those greedy drink beggars to fuck off.
Simple as that.
What follows is an etiquette lecture form the tart.
I tell them that if I was a Thai they wouldn’t DARE speak to me like that.
If they pulled that shit in a Thai joint they’d be slapped around or FIRED without pay.
I could give a shit.
But there’s always a couple of girls who know EXACTLY what you’re on about.
They know who the problem girls and the greedy mamasans are.
They hate them too.
Some of them are delighted to see a customer STAND UP for himself.
Ya think the shit-slinging starts and stops with the customers in a bad bar?
No fucking way.
It’s the momasans.
They can’t control the “sub-mamsans who bring packs of girls into the bar and INSIST on running them.
Hot chicks in Tilac of all places are controlled like this.
Used to be that a gal worked for herself.
Run to shit by greedy lieutenant mamsans.
That scrag service bitch in play school? The one with the braids and the red ballcap on backwards cause she lost her hair in a fight? That bitch? You start to get rapport with a gal and it looks like “red hat” ain’t gonna get her 300-500 cause you sapeak enough Thai to close yourself and the dancer likes you?
Red Hat will push you for an out and if you tell her you are taking care of business yourself? She’ll pull the gal off you and sell her to another punter.
‘
If Peter had any balls he’d take control of that place.
His wife’s family is robbing him blind.
And killing his business.
View all comments by Prufrock
BBB - there seems to be a category of ‘proper’ Thai girls who are not too expensive or difficult to bed. I’ve met a few such girls, regular office jobs, nice families, but who did not take too long (read: a few weeks) to jump in the sack and were not of the budget breaking kind. The trick seems to be, play the friends first, commiserate with them when they express disgust at seeing ‘old fat farangs with young Thai girls’, buy them a couple of cute knick knacks, and soon THEY will be the ones dragging you to bed. Of course it helps knowing that if you do not get to play the beast with two backs with the proper pretty tonight, improper pretties are but a short walk away.
View all comments by Julian
Julian - that’s precisely it.
Artsy-fartsy gifts for the “good girl”, along with Thong Lo lunches and cocktails (in lieu of payment, remember), plus short-time and bar-fine money for the bargirls when I have to rush off to NEP or Cowboy to drain my aching gametes.
Cheapest girlfriend I ever had in Thailand was a Sukhumvit freelancer who stayed for three months and wouldn’t take a single baht.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
For sure u can bed some down - but as I like to say - what is the head to overhead ratio? For the proper girls the overhead to head ratio is generally not as good as the bargirls. Just that simple.
I say play them both - that is the beauty of Thailand. That is why I never barfine and take girls out. I short-time. That is all I am looking for. I am nice to them, pay well and love repeats. Good for the girls. But it aint a dating scene.
But when I go to RCA, BED or a Coyote Club - I go with the boys looking to pull and not too worried about shagging. If it happens cool. If not - Lolitas will get me right back on track.
Work it boys.
View all comments by Smitty
I recently bed down with a non-working girl and it reminded me how much I appreciate a 2am BG gal for sure. I had to do all the work for one. She had a muff like Albert Einstein. No BJ. Finally, she was crying like CoCo in the movie Fame doing her first nude shoot. Sure, it didn’t cost me anything but it does make you appreciate the LBFMs (little brown f’in machines). Going back to England and bedding a girl there as we know will be similar. Only they will weigh alot more and think they should be treated like Princess Di. Have fun.
View all comments by pmmp
I like Safari for it’s low-keyed environment. The girls are also nice and friendly. Never push for drinks. Music is a little loud for the small room and acoustics but nonetheless decent music. Can get crowded at times since it is a small place.
As far as the inside of BKK Hilton, I’ve never seen it, nor do I wish to. But, here’s a BBC’s camera view.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy880cLxRvw
View all comments by dingdongrb
Moving right on back to the vexed Madrid Pizza Question, I feel I have to call BOLLOCKS on this one, from personal experience. I fell for the framed PR puffs in the bar, best pizza in Bangkok, all that, and ordered their Dog Testicle Special (I think it was that) while fending off an elderly Spanish bargirl’s demands for a lady drink (miming dying of thirst - go ahead and die, bitch). The pizza arrived, nicely warmed through after ten minutes spent rolled up inside the snatch of the burly dinnerlady who “does the cooking”. Foolishly driven by hunger, I ate the whole wretched thing, dried scrotums and ground-up fecal matter topping and everything, even the pizza base which - possibly uniquely - had printing on it and a couple of staples in the crease down the middle.
Next day, the entire mess made an unwelcome reappearance in my toilet bowl, visually identical to the way it entered my system, only several degrees hotter.
Anyone who likes seeing a meal twice should definitely swing by the Madrid, where they can also belly up to the bar with a comely collection of fat old bearded Americans living out lives of sad “foreign correspondent” self-delusion, and buy the bovine Spanish bar “girl” a lifesaving beverage.
Did you pick up my Cialis, by the way?
View all comments by Pants Elk
I was in a Sukhumvit office once and started talking to the one employee to pass the time and explore oportunities. Early 20’s, nice smile, super thin, but by BKK standards not a knock out. From where we were we could see the noon time scene around Asok, and she started complaining bitterly about ‘farangs with Thai girls’. I completely, totally agreed with her, (while thinking: I’m so NOT getting anywhere here), and after some more talk, when I was ready to leave, I mentioned something about ‘friends’ and ‘getting together sometime’ in a token attempt to hook. Next thing I know she slips me her cellphone number, and says ‘yay! I have farang friend now’.
Knowing her salary though (4 figures), I am not surprised she would cherish both the chance to hang out with a ‘nice’ farang (if only she knew!) AND have a few status items purchased by mentioned farang. Actually, later on she bought me a couple of small gifts (wooden box?!? Thailand guidebook??). I thought that was cute - useless, but cute. In fairness, we would have to know what are the material expectations from a Thai guy in a similar situation; it seems there ARE in fact some, and that even locals have to spill the dough.
Of course, doing the proper dating and the naughty not-dating gets to be expensive, so one has to choose one’s expenses.
View all comments by Julian
Pants: I obviously got the good stuff - perhaps they didn’t like you. Oh, and stop writing better than I can.
Julian: Precisely. I’d rather spend less, with guaranteed results - which means bargirls. Lovely, lovely bargirls. Mmm…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy