After living here in Phuket for the better part of 3 years, I am at the ‘been there done that’ phase and while the P4P scene is perfect when I don’t have the time or patience to play around, I have been searching for a way to practice my ‘game’, or what there is left of it. I have always thought there was something highly erotic about a sauna; scantily clad, hot and wet women in a dark steamy room. Mix in a few dark, smooth skinned hotties and we have ourselves something that could potentially be a lot of fun. While it may not work for everyone, this does it for me. With a sometimes on/off relationship with my Thai GF, my opportunities have been limited at best lately, and while she tends to frown upon the massages, there is nothing wrong with a sauna, right?So, I set out to see what I could find.

There are probably about 10 or so saunas here in Phuket, and unlike in the US, a sauna here generally means steam room. Dry saunas are not that common except maybe in some high-end gyms. After a bit of research I found 3 or 4 good saunas near where I live and have been frequenting all of them lately. All of which are nice and had a decent variety of Thai girls along with the usual farang and every once in a while a couple of Thai dudes. Some of these saunas offer standard massages and body-scrubs as well. For the last 5 weeks or so I have been going to these saunas pretty regularly, usually 4 to 5 times a week. These are all legit saunas and nothing like the one that has been posted here.

In one of my favorite saunas, I find the selection of steady woman who frequent the sauna to be quite good. While some days there may be only a few, other days I may see a steady stream of talent come and go. The Thai girls have figured out that these saunas, along with scrubs, yogurt and a bevy of other ointments and lotions, keeps their skin quite smooth. By their appearance and clothes most of them do not appear like they are there solely to meet or hook-up with farang. Although many Thai girls can be quite shy about their bodies in public, many of the girls who frequent these establishments seem to have gone against this grain. While the men are all given shorts to be worn in the sauna, I see a wide variety of attire for the women here. This can range from bathing suits, bras and underwear, to tight shorts and tank tops, but most common is the sarong, with nothing or just underwear underneath. While there are changing rooms many woman will elect to change outside using their carefully placed towel or sarong, often holding it in their teeth, while they strip down below. (not that I was looking or anything). Sometimes they will bring their lotions & oils in the sauna with them and apply them right there, or sometimes they apply it on each other. A hot and wet barely clothed Thai woman rubbing oil on herself or friends is an incredibly erotic site and should not be missed. On several occasions girls have opened their sarongs to allow the steam in, and while not directly in front of me I still got quite an eyeful of the goods, however this is still quite rare. The girls who come in groups or with friends are definitely more adventurous then those who come alone. Now that we have the basics covered and set the mood, let’s get on to the good stuff.

The following stories are true, however names have been changed and places have been omitted to allow the guilty to continue to commit their crimes. After about a week or so of visiting one of the saunas I meet an attractive woman, probably in her early 30’s with a considerable rack, dressed in a small bikini and we start chatting it up with the standard conversation. In and out of the sauna we travel, sitting close each time. On one trip into the sauna the steam is quite thick and we take our respective seats, with just two other people at the other end of the sauna who could not see us. This time she lies down on the tiled bench and stretches her arms overhead to where I’m sitting, as her hands fall against my lap. This is the only sign I needed. The gates were now open, and being the perfect gentleman I slide closer to her so her arms would not have to stretch that far. A touch here, a caress there and things were moving along nicely just as the other two occupants leave the sauna. I take this opportunity to push the envelope and explore what was lurking under that overstretched bikini top. No objection from my new friend as my hands massaged and pulled to their hearts content. Now things were really heating up, and a family of 10 could have easily lived in the tent that I have just pitched in my sauna-provided shorts. After a bit of this were both hot, and the sauna was now sweltering, but neither of us really wanted to leave. I finally found the energy to get up when she grabs my pole and pulls me close to her. I take this opportunity to explore a bit further south as my hands circumvent the bikini bottoms I find a sauna hotter than the one we were in. After about a minute of this play, and like a rush of cold air, another patron enters the sauna, stopping both of us dead in our tracks. With the amount of steam that was there, I doubt we had revealed any of our activities. Thoroughly cooked now, we both take this opportunity to exit the sauna, but not before I strategically place my sauna-provided towel over the obvious growth in my shorts. On leaving the sauna premises she handed me a small paper with her phone number on it, and with a warm smile, she said, “Call Me”

About 4 weeks ago I met another beauty on a late Friday afternoon. This one, 29, had an incredibly firm body, and an ass that nearly had spilling my wad. She wore a tight fitting bathing suit top with short-like bathing suit bottoms. I’ll call her “Friday”. After a bit of talking I found out she comes to the sauna ever Friday, as her job at the bank closes early. We talk a lot both in and out of the sauna, and get to know each other just a bit. One trip into the sauna I see her massaging her shoulders, and of course, being a concerned non-citizen I ask her “Jeb Mai” (do you have pain). She nods her head, as I reach for her shoulders to give her a nice warm neck, back and shoulder massage. Her eyes are closed and she leans back, apparently enjoying the massage. After the massage we both get up and leave without much more happening. On subsequent visits into the sauna, there is just a bit of flirting, but really not much. After that I said goodbye and hope to see her next week. So the next week rolls around and sure enough “Friday” sees me and flashes a wide smile. We chat and flirt just a bit, but nothing happens much, and the same on the next Friday.

So now the 4^th week arrives, and I see Friday once again. At this point I was wondering if this is really going anywhere since I did not seem to be progressing anywhere with this girl, other than some nice conversations and a cheap feel here and there. So in and out of the sauna we travel together, and on each trip out, she will head into a shower to cool down, while I often jump in the small pool to cool down. On this trip she gives me a bright smile as she heads over to the large water tubs where people often dump pales of water over themselves to cool down. I follow her over there this time to cool down as well, when as soon as I arrive, she gives me this wicked smile and heads over to another shower room, which is in the back, and not the usual one she goes to. My eyes follow her as she opens the door to the shower, and just before entering she shoots me this look with that same wicked grin again.

Well this is all I need, and I soon follow in her footsteps as I open the partially closed shower door and ask “aab nam duai” (can I shower with you). She replies with a sweet “Ka” (yes) and I quickly enter into the small shower room, however this door has no lock on it, so I drop my sauna towel at the foot of the door to keep it closed. Here in the shower, and out of the public view, things progress very fast and soon that cool shower had us both hot and bothered. Well one thing led to another and our wet attire quickly found a nice place all bunched up in the corner of the shower floor. Now with a door that did not lock, we had to be quite careful, and so she artfully had one hand on the door hand on the floor while I took care of business. A marathon session it was not, as I lived up to my name and left my load circling the shower drain, and headed straight back into the sauna for a cool down. At this point we both stared at each other, not really believing what just happened, and yes even in Thailand, I still get surprised once in a while.

So, based on these, and a few other, smaller incidents, I am now shamefully addicted to the sauna. Sure I have to drink 20 liters of water a day just to function, but it’s all worth it. From a pervert’s perspective, this is my little slice of heaven. Well that’s all the time I have today, and seeing how it’s Friday, I have a ‘meeting’ to attend to.

Big fan of youporn but hat tip to the man for showing me tube8.

Starting off light here folks.

Article with some quotes from the head of the Thai travel agents is stating the number of arrivals since the airport fiasco is way down. As I have stated I think Thailand was slowing down prior to this anyway. Probably back in Sept/Oct time frame. The world was slowing down and Thailand was not immune. I think one is going to have to look at the numbers over a longer period of time to gauge the true impact but either way things are down. What I have noticed is the mongers and the lovers of all things Thailand are still coming but the normal package tourist and the newbies to Thailand are clearly missing from this so called high season.

During Thailand’s peak travel season, which begins in November, the country typically hosts 8,000 to 12,000 visitors a day, Apichart Sankary, president of the Association of Thai Travel Agents, told Reuters. Following the country’s airport closures, that number has dropped to 5,400 a day.

Heads will roll. No doubt about it but it will be interesting to see who is going to get it and how. The Santika tragedy is horrible. Any way you look at it but who do you point blame to and how do you hold them accountable? One could easily say you go after the owners. Fair enough. Problem is these are rich, connected people and they may not take it lying down. What I mean is at the end of the day these people will try to get out of this. This is Thailand. Remember the scandals with Chuwit and the massage joints? When they tried to nail him he rolled over onto the police and suddenly he got away with it all.

My take is something similar to this will happen here. If the owners paid large amounts of money to the police to get around permits, underage club goers and so on then they will move to expose this racket as a way of deflecting blame. Not saying any of this is right but I think it is possible. Already some of the charges filed over underage club goers look like desperate moves by the police to pretend to look busy. With the amount of people killed and if some of those families have money - my guess is the civil suits will prove to be more important than the criminal ones.

Supposedly the land owner is hanging in HK while all this all goes down. BBC has some coverage here and BP is also weighing in on some of this. I hope those who are hospitalized and in need are getting the best care. That is the important thing but clearly this whole drama is going to get played out in the political arena given this is Thailand.

The mess in the South continues. I have no idea how you deal with it but the current administration is going to have to take a stance on it since they need the votes from that part of Thailand. I learned from someone who knows that this situation ( สถานการณ์) is referred to by the Thais and the fire in the south (ไฟใต้ ). Will be interesting to see what happens.

Well - it is the New Year folks. I am trying to drink a little less, shag a little more and step up my productivity a bit. Let’s see how it goes.

Peace.

Seems really lame to me. Never liked the Bangkok Recorder much and for sure I won’t be visiting the site again given this bout of insensitive stupidity.

I am not linking to the site here. Don’t want to help their lame traffic numbers out any.

Here is a photo of the front page:

The initiation – well this was an innocent trip with another fellow BKK virgin and we were flying in from KL after 4 relaxed days there not much P4P action, just a few massage happy endings in our hotel suite, with girls oooops nay, mamasans I mean massage girls in KL look like mamasans if u compare them with their rivals here in krungthep. Anyways , the trip was slightly luxurious by standards of later strips so hired an airport limo and straight to sukhumvit, the tourist hub. Checked i , took the acclimatization walk through different SOI’s and ended up in the middle of happy hours at Soi Cowboy.

Man this was like vegas only better and minus the downside of gambling. Hell we did all the bars and finally took a liking to one which had two floors getting the best views of the eager beavers. Bought the first lady drink and had this petite girl who said she was 20 but now I know better. But she had some of the most amazing tits I ever fondled so I know I will remember her for a long time. She asked me to bar fine her, I thought if it is a fine than it must not be the rite thing to do. WOW !!! how smart.

Anyways, my fellow shlort (as in schlong-schlort) was a non drinker and got bored so we took another walk down sukhumvit, never made it to Nana – went to our uppity hotel, called in some hookers, banged some hookers and off we went to sleep. I remember paying 1000bht a head which was not bad considering we had paid double that in KL for a happy ending no more.

Middle of the night I was woken up by some loud weird noises and to cut the long story shor , my friend a victim of food poisoning of the severe kind was wheeled to Bumrungrad which I must say is a med center of the highest possible credential, can recommend it highly not to mention the sexiest — I mean the fucking sexiest nurses the world has ever seen. Let alone the patient - me and a friend were taken to an eatery next door by one of the prettiest nurses ever to have touched me and fed and she won’t even lemme pay the bill as we were guests of Thailand. So I got my first mobile number and gave her mine (an international roaming number).

Well on learning that my short friend was gonna be in good hands for the next two days was probably one of the better things I had heard in a while. So off I went in search of the perfect massage therapist. I talk of a time when the lot in front of Ambassador hotel used to be empty and lined with makeshift massage parlours. I walked into one of the nicer establishments there and just as I was thinking on what massage to choose down from the staircase walked the reason why this is the city of angels. It had to be a 2 hour oil – no cant be oil or ill spill mine in 20 mins, so thai for 2 hours it was, only because of the lack of a 3 hour massage on the menu. I changed into my first pyjamas which were more like longpants. Even though Indian by birth I am around 6ft tall. And an open shirt which was well Open. The curtained stall with a mirror on one side as I lay waiting and then she came in.

WHAM!!!! The biggest boner I have ever had just looking at someone, she had changed into a pair of shorts showing off the most amazing pair of legs I had ever seen so close. And then …. It was two hours of horny bliss, just trying not to loose my load just by being in the same room or because a girl was massaging my shoulders. Well again sparing the details I had the biggest bagful of load I ever had but never shot. She didn’t mention any endings, happy or otherwise and just quietly slid out at the end of the massage. Who the fuck says massages are relaxing? I went down paid up and swear to god am still looking for her in each of my trips only to be heartbroken.

I went to nana for the first time but heck I was in love, drowned my sorrows with a few beers at sundry gogos and went to the hotel. This time I wanted to try something different. So I got myself the directory and called what turned out to be one of the most accommodating escort services ever. Well I told them I was 21 which I was at the time and that I was looking for some one younger than myself. And oh shit I had not Baht left. So I would be paying USD. 40 was the magic number and one hour later I had dozed off waiting when suddenly there was a huge banging on my door. Sleeping with a sackful isn’t the best of moodmakers so I ran to the door expecting something bad ,and sure enough there was this huge security guy in uniform no less – “Do you call friend??” I was like heck no my friend is in the hospital. The suddenly from behind him peered this petite girl no more than 20 again = braces still in place and then I realized oh the Girl is the Friend. Yes I said and slipped the guard a 20bth note( kinda cheap).

Anyways, she came in black jeans black singlet little make up, pretty petite ummmm, icing on the cake. She proceeded to strip and give me a precarious BJ ( she had braces on remember) . I must have come in 5 mins flat. I had been saving it for some time. And then started my most amazing GFE with a P4P girl. She kissed my entire body like it was a shrine, gave me a hot towel bath, rimmed me, stroked my member to a shLONG, then she came under me and I entered a pussy so tight in India I would have thought her to be an automatic virgin. However this was happening and before long she was moaning and groaning. She was dripping all over the bed, luckily this was a twin room and I had the other bed when we went to sleep. But before that she sat on top of me with me facing her ass. Damn this was new, this was exciting and and at a fair exchange rate this was bang for my buck. I came 3 times, she kept cummmmming non stop the entire time. I passed out on the bed only to be woken up by her sluring my cock, it was light outside so it must have been morning and I remember thinking that with all my cash n stuff I must not let any hooker stay the night, but this was out of control and had already happened. I proceeded to let her go on doing what I though was not part of the deal. I mean 40 bucks for a 3 times and nite with a morning session thrown in, talk about the great Bkk sale. Well after I came to attention I took her doggy style and rammed it up her smaller hole too, god I wish I had not wasted so much time in KL,as today was the last day in BKK. So after a pleasurable morning romp, sweet goodbyes and kisses I went back to the hospital checked my friend out for two nights and drips and docs…. Blah blah all we paid was around 2000bht. I mean no wonder this is the land of smile. Even back home in new delhi this would have set us back 10000bht.

We had a prearranged van and hotel to be taken to in pattaya. So off we went in the fastest mini van in the world. I cant figure out why he got a 12 seater van for the 2 of us. Anyways it was a fast journey and a decent check in, good hotel on beach road. And then my friend who has just come out of the sack wants a massage, so off to the hotel grounds with a massage shop which had lots of ladies sitting outside in cute pink t shirts with smiles. 200 for a 1 hr oil we both chose and got a happy ending to boot, dished another 200. I must say this lady was one of the best smelling propositions I have had in a massage parlour I mean was it Gucci or chanel no 5 I don’t know but it was good. And so was the happy ending. The entire evening was spent catching up on sleep, a good sea food dinner and then Walking Street.

Damn this holiday was getting better. One go go after another, since it was the last two days of holiday It was going to be used to exhaust the holiday budgets. We were the fave at angel dolls that nite blowing a lil over 5000bht on lady drinks alone. Well smashed having fondles a hundred racks and the schlong at its longest we were accosted by two mototaxi guys promising to take us to heaven. Well lil did we know that we were about to experience our first soapies.

Well the ride was short, the room was bright and the fish tank was full, we were the only guys in the scout zone. I chose a premium model look like papas an said, for all of 1500bht and her lil red number was making me forget my own number. The room had a heart shape bed and the tub was filling and I was fucking confused, what the hell is she doing. Why is the a rubber craft and a bed in the same room, I mean I didn’t sign up for any rafting deal. Then the red hot number came off with a snap and I was ushered into the hot tub. She washed herself like it was the last bath she was having, then joined me proceeded to rub all around the areas that mattered, then to the raft – damn why is she making bubbles in a small wash vessel. And why is she throwing the soapy water all over me. And then came the fist slide. I could feel her sliver hair lined pussy from my shoulders to my calves as she maneuvered – no out maneuvered on top of me. The sensation was unbelievable - like sunrise – like your first shot of tequila – like a first virgin getting popped. The erection almost tore open the raft but I guess it was made to order so it held. After the slithering goddess had done her deed, we went to the bed for a slam bam thank you maam satisfying of junior.

It was well worth the bhts spent. I think we were ready to go home. Here I am the one that you love – I had a message on my phone from the nurse from bumrungrad. This called for a parting shot so while my friend took a taxi to the airport hotel I took one into town – sathorn , the nurse was their, waiting for me looking even more glamorous out of her uniform in a single piece gown like we were going for a ball. Well at least I was, and what a ball I had, she had the perfect body with ample – not big but ample tits. Wow, missionary, her on top, doggy, back to missionary, come once. Take a shower, saying goodbyes, my flight is in 4 hrs, damn, cant leave just now….. another session this time on the carpet of her sitting room in her one bedroom flat – I bet the neighbours heard it all.

So I said I will go now, she said she would drop me. Well I said ok not wanting to part so soon. Was I falling for her — thought again – nope I don’t think so, its just that I wanted something and she had more than enuf for me. So that’s what it was. Than the biggest shock of my trip, we go down to the parking lot and she has the keys to the big shiny new accord, now I am truly shocked. How does a nurse afford this – maybe she is a whore on the side too – should I ask, no I think not. But curiosity killed the cat so I asked – “Sweetheart how much do nurses make in Thailand??” She asks – “ Why, y u want to know?” uuummmm well because I mean how can you afford so much luxury, nice big house, a new Honda accord – I mean back home nurses are fairly modest wage earners.

She laughed – laughed till she cried and I didn’t know where to look or what to make from this. “BABY I am not a nurse, I am a Doctor!!!!!” Damn I wanted to die, I mean I never figured, than I saw the + sign on her car and something of what lukd like doc on her name board outside. Shit this was embarrassing, I know how those 20 mins in the car went by, kissed her and off I went into the airport hotel. I love you my angels. And will be back – soon. But alas it was not to be and it was a full 2 years before I would make my next trip.

But the next 2 trips are on the next post. And as I finish writing this I get a call that my ticket for feb2009 just got confirmed so hope to finish the posts before that and meet up at the big mango.

Lao jer gun , chok dee

The idea that this may create a witch hunt over safety standards seems somewhat ludicrous given that I bet half of the bars, clubs, restaurants, go-gos and massage parlours don’t quite meet the grade. There are many places here because it is cheap to start businesses and the regulatory environment is somewhat laxed. This has pluses and minuses. Clearly the Santika fire is a huge minus. I don’t want to boast about the pluses but the varied and cheap nightlife is a result of this. Ultimately the owner should be held responsible since he allowed the event that caused the fire - if that is what happened. In my opinion the talk should focus on flammable buildings, flammable materials, exit lighting, emergency lighting, overcrowding and the amateurish nature of the fire/emergency care in Thailand. Interesting how that is never discussed.

The other idea that there is a conspiracy here due to the club closing and insurance money is insane to me. If it turns out the insurance was not adequate anyway how would this benefit anyone? There may not have even been any insurance. Either way I think this is a case of blind stupidity that resulted in a massive tragedy.

Obviously these are my opinions and it is early to speculate.

I will not tolerate any insensitive comments to this post but feel free to discuss. However show some respect please. I have already deleted some comments on other posts that are just out of line.

Moving on. Life does go on and it will. It is part of the healing process.

Politics. Here is one of the best articles in some time to highlight what I have always said when people harp on and on about Thaksin and Thai Rak Thai being a democratically elected government - bunch of horseshit really:

In Thailand’s case so-called democratic parliamentary elections were undermined when rampant vote-buying and mindless allegiance to Thaksin’s political monolith forced the country’s minority parties to boycott the election. Thaksin went ahead anyhow, claiming a landslide. It was Team Yellow who finally saved the day by calling the elections non-democratic – which they were since they were won by a single party and artificial spin-offs. But the boycott was not the reason cited by Thai courts for declaring the elections null and void – rather it was placement of voting booths which gave pro-Thaksin officials an easy view of how voters cast their votes. That is, they were being monitored to ensure that they voted for Thaksin as they were either paid to do or had indicated they would do.

Thailand is a country full of promises and potential, but much more full of illusion and deception, and nearly devoid of transparency. International election observers can stand by and witness something they think resembles democracy, but miss all the local nuances that undermine independent thought and create greed and disparity. These are some of the faults in the Thai political system. They are not faults of the country having experienced a silent coups so much as they are the faults of a society that has not been given the tools that will allow it to create a genuine democratic electoral process.

The irony in all of this, as it was in Algeria, is that it took a military takeover to expose the illusion. Or, the illusion should have been exposed.

Now Team Red is having a turn at the protesting thing - much in the same way Thaksin was elected through vote buying the protesters are only protesting due to money as well. Seems the numbers are dwindling a bit because the pay is not so great:

Its numbers have decreased in recent days and some participants grumbled that organizers were not paying them enough or providing free food and entertainment during rallies.

It is common practice in Thailand by all sides to beef up their demonstrations by paying anyone willing to join in. Free food and live music are also often offered.

My feeling is Team Red is not going to have the same long leash afforded to them like the PAD did - notice they are already getting accused of things:

The United Front of Democracy against Dictatorship (UDD) has been condemned for placing a picture of Team Yellow alongside an offensive slogan.

Its leaders could be charged with lese majeste.

The picture was placed next to a slogan reading “Privileged People … Thief” in the background on the UDD’s rally stage outside parliament yesterday.However, it was later removed from the stage.

The lack of a REAL high season is started to take its toll. Let me be clear on what I mean. Usually the high season brings in the extra dough so that places can survive the low season or so that new bars can get ahead of the game. Yes people are coming to Thailand but nothing close to a normal high season.

Lower Suk is starting to see some places close. The dim sum joint is done and that pizza joint next door is hurting. The new Champagne Charlies is supposedly already for sale. My take was it is on the wrong side of the street and it is a concept looking for a customer base. I also never hear anyone talking about it. Has anyone checked it out? I don’t say any of this to poke at anyone - obviously we are all feeling this. Just keeping track.

One has to assume that if Singapore is going through this - that Thailand will go negative:

Singapore predicted on Friday that its economy could contract by up to 2 per cent this year, threatening the city state with its worst downturn in nearly 50 years and placing it near the bottom of Asian economic performance in 2009.

I don’t plan on covering any entertainment news or personal exploits at this stage. I did hit the new Narz and will write that up soon. Will overview the rise and fall of the makeup counter girl. Phuket revelations soon and well - other things.

Word is BBB will have a massive post coming about his trip outside of Bkk. Bravo.

Unfortunately, I dropped my camera during the night and wasn’t able to take pictures later in the evening or during the countdown. D’oh!

Our next parties will be end of January and possibly our first Superbowl Bash the morning of February 2nd. Details coming soon…

Best of luck to all in 2009.

Team Mango

What a nightmare at Santika on New Year’s Eve. Condolences to all affected by this tragedy. If you haven’t heard about the fire at the Santika Club that killed around 60 people last night, you can read the latest on The Nation’s Web Site.

I’ve decided to pass on talking about mongering this week. I’m just not in the mood. I may put up an update in a few days but right now it seems very disrespectful to talk about bar ratings, mongering, parties, etc.

I do want to wish everyone the best this year. It was a tough one last year for many folks capped off with another horrible event. More interesting times I guess.

Thanks to all that came by the Mango last night. I will cover the past two weeks events in the next update.

The BP is an amateurish rag and the writer’s thoughtfulness struck me: he said he considered prostitution to be work an individual found distasteful but would do for compensation (and of course, motivation for compensation can range from neurotic avarice to essential care of self/family, or any shade in between). So, he posited, a lawyer defending a corporate client rightly accused of industrial pollution would be engaging in prostitution, while a lovely young woman enjoying sexual congress resulting in compensation (dinner, flowers, candy, and yes even cold cash) would not. I’m paraphrasing here but I find the concept interesting.

By this reckoning, my day-job is more prostitution than not. I frequently engage in acts which I find boring to mildly distasteful, for compensation. On the other hand, the freelancer I picked up at the Thermae (of all places) enjoyed sex so much that…

I’m getting ahead of myself here. My fellow-traveler Rico and I had met in Bangkok years ago and become friends. Although we now live in different Asian locations, we stay in touch and sought an excuse to meet up in Bangkok. The chance came when those valiant protesters left their plastic-hand-clappers at Bangkok’s Cobra Swamp Errport (it’s called Suwannapoom although there is another official spelling, something like Sublimebarmysalami or similar nonsense, ignore that and just say “Suwannapoom”). I rocked up at the taxi queue to find one other tourist was in line while the taxi DRIVERS, for a change, queued up hoping for a fare. Irony can be as sweet as revenge when served cold.

I was glad to be cruising into Bangkok, because as a whore monger, I find it an agreeable destination. Some who know me would be dismayed to hear me self-describe as a monger, but if I’m honest about myself, it’s accurate. I’ve done the whole long term-relationship thing, with wonderful women from different countries and cultures, and I respect and admire femalekind. I haven’t left any kids behind, I’m middle-aged, and I know what I like.

One thing I don’t much care for is Xmas. I’m not an Xian, and while I have clinical admiration for the early Xians who co-opted a pagan festival of midwinter-light which now means horrid tunes and fun Santa hats, it doesn’t mean I have to cleave to any of the rituals. My idea of a “white Xmas” is clean sheets in a Southeast Asian hotel. My mistletoe and tinsel: soft dusky skin and straight black hair that smells like heaven. Lever my farang nose a centimeter from her neck and inhale sharply: hom maak!, oh yeah, try it, mes amis de mongere.

I’m sympathetic with anyone trying to run a tourist business in Thailand nowadays: the airport-occupation smacking into a global economic meltdown, combined with a baht that remains relatively stable while other currencies tumble, means that visitors are off anywhere from 50-70% as far as I can tell. I’ve never seen sparser crowds.

But you don’t want to hear about that, you want me to tell you my first port-of-call in Mongertown. I’ve written before of my fondness for Lolita’s, and since Rico wanted to gear up, get some dinner and hit some strip-clubs, it seemed a good place to take the edge off. The sun had set and I’d washed the road dust from my body and put on a clean set of boxer shorts. They’ve got a repeating-pattern of a goofy cartoon-red devil bending slightly and poking forward with a pitchfork, on a black background. Perfect.

I selected a lovely large-breasted lass from the lineup,Santa hats and fake-Catholic-schoolgirl uniforms reminding me once again that despite its faults, Thailand is still amusing as hell, and parked my butt on (a towel covering) the sleazo black sofas as she knelt on the round black genuflection mat and got to work.

Who trains these girls anyway? Competent specialization is a fine thing. I blew my load and had to vacate the cubicle relatively quickly as a gal was waiting in the antechamber with her date: yes folks, at that moment Lolita’s was FULL. Seems I’m not the only one who enjoys a pre-prandial skulljob.

Rico and I had dinner at our favorite Middle Eastern joint and headed for NEP, straight upstairs to Mandarin, the UP-upstairs, where things are, shall we say, funner and more au naturel, sort of like…Mandarin a few years back. One cutie caught my eye and vice versa. I bought her a drink and chit-chatted. Fresh and cute is the vibe here, and though cigs were fumed by other patrons, ventilation seems to have improved.

Onward, to Erotica, a formerly amusing bar which now seems to have become semi-deranged. It’s always been a bit more voodoo than other bars, but now they’re burning incense to pictures of Ganesh and whatnot. A coupla lookers in the lineup, music too loud, we split.

Just had to see what was happening in Angelwitch, and while the shows seem much the same as always (the gals must be bored senseless by now), I hadn’t been in years. Saw a couple of old pals and my lap was leapt into more than once, that was fun. But when I saw the show-tartlets trying to coach a bunch of patrons into appearing onstage for an audience-participation number (”come on, you go,” “no no buddy, YOU go”), something went sprroooooIIIIIIIng in my brain.

I am very much NOT an audience-participation guy, but I just thought: these girls do this every night, the place isn’t even full, the mamasan was whingeing to Rico that there were no tourists and these were all local guys, so I stood up and let a ‘Witch lead me onto stage…

…where they lashed me to the mizzenmast, face-up, unbuttoned my shirt and proceeded to abuse me. You’ve seen this show, but if you haven’t been up there, trust me: you are TIED hand and foot. You can’t move, they tweak your nipples, sit on your face, and anytime I tried to say anything I’d have a hand clamped over my mouth and a shout of “PHUT MAAK MAAK!!!. The farang speaks too much! Ah ha ha!

This ends with some dramatic blows from the Head Witch for that skit, who Rico described as exceptionally hot. Saw here in a later skit and concur. Whatever she was hitting me with was loud and not painful, but it gets your attention.

Soon after it was time to call it an evening, I didn’t need Round Two, but had a great time.

Next day we hit Soi Cowboy, starting at Baccara (one thin gal with big tits played Queen Bee in the upstairs-bar, we stayed one drink), then KISS, which was eccentric. Hard rock morphed to twisted disco, gals wore bikinis with Army-surplus utility-belts, gals bombed us with drink-requests. Some odd lookers at KISS: one tiny dark minx with cartoon-character lips, another a half-Eastern Euro dame for you Eurasian fans. At one point a few gals were onstage shuffling while a bunch more sat on the stage’s edge, staring at the (sparse) audience. Dunno what was going on…we paid up for our one drink each and left.

Thermae was suggested. Last time I was there, years ago, it was smoke-choked and I picked up a gal who was so clueless I literally threw her out of my hotel room, something I’ve never done before or since. She was simply not interested in having sex and attempted to micro-manage the process, rendering it pointless. I was patient, until it became pointless. Then I threw her out. She cursed “all European people.” I did not care. I jerked off and went to sleep.

So here I am again and my wingman says check out that one in the red top. I wave her over for a lively chat. She had that sparkle: quick laugh and silly-yet-fun palaver…I liked her. I said let’s go to my hotel. She said OK. Blame it on Rico

Personality counts. Because often when a freelancer gets her kit off there’s a moment of…disappointment. This one took her bra off and a pair of KILLER tits appeared. Large, pendulous, jutting out straight…what I call WWII 250-pound bomb tits. First-class Michelin-guide-four-star jubblies. Narly hooters. Ripper norks. Mind-bending gazongas. The rest of the bod was equally fine.

We had a very, very good time. I got her phone number and filed it in my iPhone.

Then we flew to Krabi and spent a week at an excellent operation on Ko Lanta: comfy bungalows of dark wood and bamboo, good food, lots of relaxing interspersed with scuba, motorbike-rippin’ around, jungle/beachwalking, longtail-boat trips to interesting snorkeling destinations, and more relaxing. But you wanna hear about more mongering so we’ll pick it up again a week later with another flight into Cobra Swamp…

Trip to the Big Mango to hang with SSB and snarf some burgers, then another visit to NEP. Mandarin: the up-upstairs was closed. Not enough mongers.

Into Playskool, which has some fond memories for both Rico and myself, and as AC/DC, Metallica and ZZ Top rumbled, a 167-cm wench grabbed pole and started doing the snake-butt, sliding all the way down the floor with it, then bumping bethonged buns with her pal who was nailing the slut-act. This tall one had a goofy face, but a good one…I can’t describe the look but I know it when I see it. She of course detected my interest and was at my side right after the shift-change.

Bought 167 a drink and got her story: she was visibly shocked when I greeted her in Thai, had worked there three months after working a straight job which she either quit or abandoned for more lucrative pastures. She said she was from Bangkok, which seemed plausible. In-training and far from tempered in the bargirl-forge. She may yet learn how to dissemble, fabricate and juggle guys like zombie-puppies, but right now it’s still Bargirl 101.

I bought her another drink, watched her dance some more, and explored her pierced tongue with my unpierced tongue. She was interesting, but it was getting late and I didn’t feel like exploring this carnally. Especially as, you guessed it: after returning from tropical paradise to grimy concrete Bangkok, I’d strolled into Lolita’s earlier that day to prod the tonsils of another fine technician (I appreciated the one whose hostess tag listed her name as “Cream,” but nope, not her, though Cream was cute). I told 167 I’d come back for her the next night and we called it an evening.

The next night was our last for this trip, so we started at Rainbow 4 to see what our Japanese-monger-chums find so fascinating. Plenty of empty seats at R4. One barstool however was occupied by a Japanese dork in suspenders who enjoyed pulling out banknotes and giving them to girls onstage, or making the girls run over to get them. He was clearly enjoying his superior beta-male status. I wasn’t there long enough to see his reception once his bankroll ran short.

As for the girls, all I could discern was that they are: 1) paler than the norm, 2) often have more elaborate hairstyles, the dominant theme being a 60s-vibe, 3) attitude that rots. Had one sitting next to me guzzling drinks bought by some dingbat-salaryman, she bumped my knee while returning with more yen-denominated alcohol and gave me this half-smile/smirk that was about as Thai as a blizzard. When we left I brushed past her, making contact, turned around, gave her a big smile and a polite khaw tohd na khrap, whirled around and split. Nothing’s ruder as deliberate politeness, if the timing’s right.

Back to Playskool, where I’d spotted Miss-167 outside smoking a cig as we headed to R4. But when we returned, where was she? Corollary 239 of Murphy’s Law: if you go a certain bar looking for a certain girl, she will be anywhere-but-there. How often has this happened to you? Asked one of the other minxes, she said, oh she went off. So it goes.

I wasn’t too interested in any of the other Playskoolers, so I texted the Thermae girl, who responded immediately that she was on the bus, on the way to the T. Isn’t mobile communication a great thing? We prepped to check bin.

Then here comes 167, strolling into the club in civvies. Changes into regulation-bikini and gloms onto me, “oh I go eat food, I hungry.” Hmmm. I’ve seen bargirls eat (I’ve brought them snacks, if u wanna get specific). They don’t change costumes. I was glad she’d gotten a short-time in early as times are tough and I hope she’s successful in her career path. But Plan A was now to the Thermae to meet Miss T and I wasn’t going to explore 167’s long lean lithe body, as firm and intriguing as it might be. Off we went.

Miss T was delighted to see me and we goofed around in the Thermae for a bit before I took her back to my hotel room and fucked her brains out. Or maybe she fucked my brains out. Anyway, brains were fucked out and lying all over the floor by the time we were done. And as during the first encounter, nargling was involved, and enjoyed by both parties.

And that’s it for this tale. All I can say is that if you want to visit Bangkok this high season (or anywhere in Thailand or Southeast Asia for that matter), you will find a lot of space and friendlier hosts. For years it’s been “Thai rak Thai” with farangs appreciated for their funds and often, little else. Thailand is a different culture, and IMHO overly fond of its xenophobia and admiration of traits like corruption (yes, I said admiration). It’s true that the behavior of a few farangs has not endeared us to Thais in general, and in a country with widespread poverty and, shall we say…less than duly diligent legal enforcement, leveraging advantage through influence is inevitable. For all its faults, Thailand’s not as screwed up as most ASEAN countries, not to mention some of the world’s hellholes.

Then again, shutting down the main international airport over an internal political struggle is monumentally moronic. I have seen/heard of an awful lot of idiocy in Thailand over the two decades I’ve been visiting or living there, but this ices the biscuit. If visitor-levels only fall by 50%, they’ll be fortunate. If you do visit, bargain hard and politely yet firmly request good service. It’s a buyer’s market, and while the monger-market will not soften…er, is more bullish…shitfire, girls know what guys like, some things are more recession-proof than others, you should do your bit to help keep the market balanced. A working girl who’s competent will take care of business, you do the same, and if you’re stable and jai dii and don’t let your little-head do your big-head thinking, you’ll be up to your ears in it, which is where you want to be (up to yer neck or over-yer-head is where you DON’T want to be).

So now we have Team Yellow versus Team Red in the interminable cage-match. Who’s funding who, who’s right/wrong…it’s a bunch of nine-year-olds arguing in a sandbox over who broke the plastic shovel, and I could give a flying fuck. Naturally, when I was ripping on a motorbike over the idyllic roads of Ko Lanta or holding onto those fantastic tits for dear life while waves of black hair lashed me in the face, plunging onward toward another shuddering “little death,” it was amazing-Thailand once again, as ever, one hell of a holiday-destination, all squabbles forgiven and forgotten. I’ll be back again. If they let me.

So if you made it through the last three rant-paragraphs, you’re up for the comment-kicker: what precisely does the verb “to nargle” mean?

Ghost - props to sponsoring a great party!

As for tonight. For those in the SIlom area the Duke of Wellington is having a NYE Party. There will be some free snacks and shots. Live music and a lucky draw.

For those in the Sukhumvit area the Big Mango will have happy hour all night, some snacks and some shots put forth as we see fit to get people drunk.

My guess is many a people who visited the Mango last night are recovering. I know I am.

I will leave you with this - seems the police are putting on a smile campaign. Props - this one is almost as good as the new banners on KS Road that show the men in brown and proclaim - ask the men in brown because they know there way around town.

Respect.

Speaking of Ghost - looks like his latest post garnered some Diggs. Nice work!

Don’t forget to place your Baht bets…

If you are looking for some interesting reading I picked up a new book by the editor of the Asian Sex Gazette. A pretty fun read - I picked my copy up used and a bit cheaper at the Dasa Book Cafe. Love that place. The intro to the book is awesome and clearly articulates the appeal of Asia. The book is made up of new material and work from ASG and Asia Times.

Cruised Cowboy the other night and popped into Dollhouse. Not my favorite go-go but I do enjoy that they are always giving their girls free tequila but I think something must be in it. IMHO, some of the best racks in all of Cowboy can be found in dollhouse. Hands down.

I love this opinion columnist at the Bkk Post - Voranai Vanijaka. I first noticed his work with this column:

It was then that the man who ought to be a star raised his hand to ask his first question: “Sir, what does ‘human rights’ mean to you?”

An uncomfortable silence descended over the room. What’s this? A question that isn’t about economic policy? Foreign policy? Any policy? What’s going on? What kind of question is that?

With a sage smile, Thaksin replied with a story of how once he was talking to a group of foreign dignitaries on this very topic. He said that no one was quite sure what “human rights” were, until he told them.

“I said to them … human rights is the right to be human,” Thaksin proudly announced. He then added how the foreign dignitaries were impressed with such an “original” and “insightful” answer.

Thaksin - the poet. Jesus.

His latest column is just priceless though. He nails it many times throughout this piece:

As well, a docile and ill-informed society has much usefulness. For example, it would be difficult to whip up the populace into a frenzied mob, manipulated into marching to serve the agendas of the rich and powerful, if the populace is a thinking and well-informed one. Heaven forbid, someone might say, “Hey, wait a sec … isn’t that the airport?” or “Whoa … wait a minute, isn’t he a criminal?”

On the other hand, a docile and ill-informed populace, while normally harmless, can easily be whipped up by the fiery rhetoric of charismatic individuals and round-the-clock TV propaganda.

Once “the job” is done, the populace can then return to gluing our eyes to TV soap operas and worshipping Mae Moo, on the back page of this newspaper, as the best piece of journalism the Bangkok Post has to offer.

The economy is unraveling and you can start to see the smarter - more forward looking companies are taking action. My guess is this trend will only accelerate as the more “Thai” run places learn too late that things are bad and one must take action. I look at Amata as the Canary in the coal mine:

“The airport closure [by People's Alliance for Democracy protesters] was a big blow to our revenue growth. More than 10 of our big potential investors who were planning to occupy industrial estate land of 300 to 400 rai each have cancelled their plans to sign contracts with us. That was mainly because of fear of similar incidents,” he said.

He has funny ears but the dude from JP Morgan is talking some serious sense. Let’s hope the government is listening:

“In the past, when Thailand faced a domestic political crisis, we were able to say there was no violence, the unrest was limited to Ratchadamnoen Avenue,” Mr Vorapak said. “But since the airport was closed, we can’t say this anymore.”

Foreign direct investment and tourism will be the main casualties of the airport closure. FDI this year has been anaemic at around $5 billion, down from $11 billion in 2008. For 2009, FDI is expected to fall even further, to below $5 billion.

It was sad to see tourism used as a pawn for political shit. I think it will take years to overcome the effects.

Come on down to the Mango tonight for your free Tiger pint so we can all drown out 2008 - then return tomorrow for our NY’s Eve party so we can make sure 2008 never raises its ugly head again.

Peace.