The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

I am not sure what all the griping is about the new airport in Bkk. My plane landed on time but we had to wait about 15 minutes for the gate to be clear. No drama. Immigration was a snap, they missed all my paraphernalia, there were throngs of Thai women doing me with their eyes as I entered the waiting area and I got a taxi in 5 minutes. I keep reading online all these taxi stories and I just don’t get it. There are a million signs pointing people to the Taxi line, signs warning against Taxi touts and there always seems to be plenty of taxis. Anyway. I am back. Tokyo is cool but hard to beat Bkk.

Today is a big day in Bkk. The courts are suppose to decide if the current major political parties will be disbanded, censured or given raises. It could be the non-event of the year or it could be the biggest mess of the year. Tough to tell. I think they should announce nothing at all today just to throw of the protesters who will eventually go home to get fresh SomTam. To balance the possible bad PR today we have news that the Thai condom King is getting worldwide attention. I love this guy and I love eating at Cabbages and Condoms so I can load up on some freebie jimmy hats. Awesome.

“Reality is where the pizza delivery man comes from” - saw that on a shirt today. So true.

Will do some trip report writeups on Tokyo. Spent one night bar and club hopping. Was good stuff but I am still under the impression that it is hard to get laid in Tokyo. Let me be clear on what I mean here so that I don’t sound like a total dork. There is a P4P scene but I have never really found it be that good and way too expensive. At least with Hong Kong there is a ton of variety and the ability to get some reasonable rates but I never see any P4P hotties in Tokyo and the prices are crazy. So typically I don’t even bother with P4P in Tokyo and focus on pulling the normal way. Sidenote. The shirt went down well with the ladyboys working Roppongi cross.

Pulling the normal way - that is easier said than done in Tokyo. What I mean is I think it is rare to go out partying in Tokyo and end up in bed with a girl later that same evening. Not saying it can’t happen but usually you have to get a phone number, see the girl a few times and then make a move. You may find a total ho or a foreign girl willing to put out right away but they may be a hostess girl just out on the town. If u have a few days in Tokyo and really focus on a few girls I am sure things can happen but even the local expats who speak Japanese will tell you that apart from a total slag that it takes a few days to work on a girl. All good but tough to do if u don’t speak Japanese and you only have a few days. So needless to say I did not get any but I had fun none the less.

Tokyo is a great place to visit after living in Bkk. The sidewalks don’t have any large blue pipes birthing themselves onto the foot path, the place is clean and pedestrians are respected. In Bkk, road or parking attendants are employed to clear the way for cars to run people over but in Tokyo those same people are employed to block cars and allow pedestrians the right of way. In my mind the way it should be.

Search terms of the day:

relationship breakup after holiday in thailand. Go figure…

2 liter vagina. Scary!

So where Thailand is devoid of rules - Tokyo is full of them. Sometimes that bugs me.

After a night of partying we finally arose at 2 in the afternoon, my buddie’s maid was banging on the door, and headed out for food. I HATE sushi and did not want anything Asian after a night on the piss, lack of sleep and a wicked hangover. So we headed for Ginza. The perving mecca of Tokyo on a weekend day. They closed off the streets, the weather was warm and the hotties were out shopping. Quizno’s Subs is the meal of choice since the food is reasonable and the perving position is ideal.

Ginza is fun to just hang and people watch. U see all sorts of locals, tourists and expats coming together to enjoy the relative calm of closed off streets. However there is just throngs of people and in a 10 minute period u will see at least 5 girls you might marry. I love it but first we needed some food and this is where u see the all too rules based orientation of Japanese society.

The menu was all in Japanese but full of pictures. My friend, a 17 year veteran of Tokyo, ordered first and had his sub tailored to his liking. Once I saw his creation in front of me I told him I wanted the same thing but hold the veggies and add - you guessed it folks, cheese. That Turkey and bacon sub on whole wheat was fucking screaming for cheese. I was going to be heated as well and the little stack of cheddar sitting precariously close to the bacon was a marriage made in heaven. Dude I need the cheese.

“Watch. This is going to be a huge problem.” My friend said.

“Dude. It’s just cheese. It is sitting right there. I can put it on for them. They can charge me for it but I must have the cheese.”

My buddy asked the sandwich assembler for the cheese and it was like an air raid siren went off. He froze for a second and politely pointed to the menu to show that the Turkey and Bacon sub does not come with cheese. We know. Add it. Charge me. The assembler repeated and pointed to the menu. Then my friend asked if we could see the manager.

The cute little cashier/manager came over and my friend explained I wanted cheese added to my sub. She then asked the assembler and he repeated that the sub I ordered did not come with cheese. So the manager politely explained that I needed to order a sub with cheese if I wanted cheese. Okay. Do you have a Turkey and Bacon sub with cheese? No. Can I build my own sub? No. Can we add cheese as an added item to the sub and u can charge me for it? No. Can I buy cheese on my own? No. Is there any combination whatsoever that would allow me to construct a sub with Turkey, Bacon and Cheese? No.

At this point I was laughing. My friend commented that in Japan they have rules. Trains run on time, people don’t jaywalk, and subs that are not made for cheese will never see cheese. BTW - at this point we had a line behind us and I could tell the staff was getting worried. I almost wanted to just keep the game going hoping they might break and give me the cheese but they just looked at me and waited for my decision. I went cheeseless. I was stunned. As my sub went through the toaster I stared longingly at the cheese sitting in the tray knowing that it yearned to be with my sandwich. I even thought about reaching over the counter and taking some cheese wondering what they might do to me. Just one freaking slice. My friend said don’t even think about it cause we did not want to spend a night in jail. I ate my sandwich without cheese only to discover this at the bottom of my sandwich tray -

There it was folks. The tray liner explaining how subs are made to order with a small checklist of additional or optional items. Cheese being one of the core 8 items that is interchangeable on all subs. I wanted to take this back to the manager but we figured it was a tray liner printed by corporate and had no bearing in Japan. I continued eating my cheeseless sub in silence.

BKK and Tokyo are like the ying and yang of Asia. Polar opposites but it is amazing the bond they share - Thai women. All the guys I know in Tokyo love coming to Bkk for holiday, they love the chaos of the place and of course love the girls. I guess we all share that in common. Rule or no rules.

More Tokyo tales soon…