The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

So who frequents the gogo bars of Bangkok? Who do the girls long for? And who would they rather avoid?

• The First-Time Tourist

  These are the guys with the wide-open eyes and mouths, who can’t quite believe what they’re seeing - and the girls can spot them from a mile away. Once these chaps get over the hurdle that actually, the stigma they associate with “working girls” in the West doesn’t really exist here (or at least, not in the same way), they tend to go nuts. And since ฿4,000 for a night of passion is relatively cheap, in Western terms at least, out comes the currency.

  The girls love them - although the girl will have to speak at least a little English - if a gogo girl can persuade one of these chaps to fall for them, she will be well looked-after for the rest of his holiday. Which means free food and drink, hotel accommodation, and a veritable avalanche of cash. Oh, and guys - when she offers to see you off at the airport, it’s not because she’s going to miss you. It’s because she knows you have very little use for the remaining baht in your wallet, and may well give it to her once you’ve paid your departure tax…

• The Regular Tourist

  This chap comes to Bangkok (or more likely Pattaya) once, twice, maybe three times per year. He wishes he could live here, but doesn’t fancy the life of an English teacher. He’s over the initial shock to the system that the gogo bar delivers, and maybe speaks a little Thai. He’ll pay her the going rate, and at least she gets to stay in a hotel.

• The Sponsor

  These guys are the tourists who were foolish enough to leave their contact details with their tilac (”darling”), and who - after a few emails declaring undying love - got the inevitable follow-up emails: “Darling, I have big problem, can you please send money?”. Some of them will eventually send a regular monthly payment of ฿50,000 so that the poor lass doesn’t have to keep working in the bar, going with customers. Of course, she doesn’t tell him that he’s her fourth regular sponsor, and that she’s still working anyway - for how else would she find more sponsors?

• The Ex-Pat

  Smug and confident, this guy’s either an English teacher, something more glamourous, or retired. If the former, he will probably be counting every baht, (teachers are not particularly well-paid in Thailand), and if the latter he will probably be old enough to be her grandfather. Still, these are the bread and butter of the gogo girl, especially during low season. Many ex-pats seem to prefer the upmarket Soi 33 bars (or to avoid the “scene” altogether), but plenty do not. But since these guys are in no rush, may live in a pokey apartment, and will usually pay as little as they can get away with, she’ll avoid them unless she’s either desperate or they make a particularly good impression (ie. boyfriend/gik material).

• The farang “gik”

  This is a rarity, but it does happen. The gogo girl falls in love with a local ex-pat - maybe an English teacher, maybe a well-paid executive, maybe a bum. She often makes more money than he does, and thinks nothing of lavishing it on him. This is generally an opportunity for the younger, more attractive chaps - those in their 20s and 30s. The 21 year old gogo girl doesn’t really wants to date chubby 58 year olds, I’m afraid. But true love knows no bounds, so they say, so who knows?

  Maybe the girl has four or five sponsors, each sending ฿40-50,000 per month. Maybe she still works at the bar, maybe she doesn’t - but a monthly income of ฿200,000 baht will really put that English teacher’s salary into perspective. She’ll take you out shopping for clothes, she’ll fit your apartment with mod cons, and will fall asleep in your arms every night - once she’s finished with her customers, of course. You’re essentially a glorified fashion accessory, but what a life…

• And let’s not forget… The Thai boyfriend

  Once the girl gets a couple of sponsors on board, the Thai boyfriend can happily retire; he will be looked after by his doting girlfriend (actually by her sponsors) until the end of his days - or the end of the relationship. Until then, life is good. Do try to remember that this is usually who many of the girls are going home to after you’re done.

Feel free, if you can’t snag a “reverse sponsor”, to play up to whatever you feel is the most appealing stereotype. Entering a bar like Rainbow 4 with a goofy dumbstruck look on my face, pretending I just arrived on my first trip, can be very telling. Especially when I forget about the act after the fifth beer, and accidentally blurt out something in Thai…

I’d been spending more time in Nana Plaza and Patpong than in Soi Cowboy recently, but returned on Saturday night. I think I can safely say that it’s still the best of Bangkok’s three “girly bar” zones.

First up, a visit to the Dollhouse. I’ve never quite got into this place - other people rave about it, but I’ve never quite got the appeal. Sure, there’s plenty of choice, but the girls have always seemed more interested in how much money they can extract from me than in having fun. Perhaps this is always the case, but at least in other bars they do a better job of pretending!

On to the excellent Deja Vu, who have a few new girls, and are right up there with Shark and Baccara with the hottest girls on the Soi, in my opinion. With cheap draft beer available all night, and a huge projector screen to watch the football, this is a great place to while away the hours.

No rest for the wicked though, and I moved on to Spice Girls, having heard from my sources that this had become Soi Cowboy’s first katoey (ladyboy) bar. In truth, it’s 50:50 here now - alternate shifts are female and “shemale”. Pretty obvious to most of us, I’d imagine, but worth warning the newbies about all the same!

Then on to Midnite - last time I visited here, it had the ugliest girls in the soi. What a transformation! This is a great little bar now, with a number of cuties.

Midnite, Deja Vu and Spice Girls are all owned and run by the same management. And they’re doing a very decent job of it.