The FARANG Speaks 2 Much

One of Soi Cowboy’s smaller bars, Cactus Club is run by a friendly, jocular American chap with a penchant for huge cigars. A bottle of Heineken was ฿125, and the bar-fine is ฿500.

Cactus Club is affiliated with the Long Gun and Rawhide bars on the same side of the soi and as such, features “shows” in between rounds of regular dancing. The girls were well above average for Cowboy, and dancing was fully nude.

The shows in question were a little different from the usual when I visited - no gynaecological feats here, but a new twist on a familiar theme. The girls trooped onto stage in very skimpy “schoolgirl” outfits, when the lights were dimmed for our compére to announce that the “sexy show” was upon us.

Cue the girls leaping from the bar onto the tables around the bar, and offering customers a close-up view (and indeed a feel, or even a taste) of the contents of that school skirt. They moved from customer to customer every minute or so, so everyone got the chance to dally with their favourite.

For this privilege, however, we were expected to line the girls’ garters with ฿20 notes - while it’s not going to break the bank, it still rang a faint alarm somewhere in my mind - I hope that pay-per-show doesn’t become the norm any time soon. One slightly worse-for-wear American tourist later confessed to me that in the dim light, he’d mistakenly donated ฿1,000 notes instead of ฿20s. Ouch.

Just after 1am, the girls came out in new outfits for what looked like another round of shows, only for the bar to suddenly close due to a police presence outside. I’ll certainly be going back for another look soon - recommended.

[Update: I've been back several times since and never seen a repeat of that show, but perhaps I was just unlucky. On the plus side, Beer Lao is a bargain ฿115 per bottle, and a number of Belgian beers including Kwaak and Hoegaarden are now available here.]

Spice Girls Bar, Soi Cowboy
Photo courtesy of Bangkok Eyes

Back on Soi Cowboy again, I popped into Spice Girls on a whim after noticing that draft beer is available for just ฿70 all night - an excellent deal, and amongst the cheapest in the street.

It’s now one of the bigger bars, having absorbed Cowboy One bar, and the mirrors make it look even larger than it is. The stage is now positioned centrally, and features a mirrored floor. Those familiar with Nana Plaza’s Pretty Lady bar will be well aware of the importance of getting ringside seats here.

As in The Led Light Man’s other bars, topless dancing seems to be the norm here. There’s a small glass ceiling a la Baccara, through which girls dancing upstairs could be viewed, if there were any up there…

Official site: Spice Girls

Wandering, for reasons I’m not about to explain, around Patpong on my own one evening, I thought I’d do the honourable thing and at least visit one of the bars. After all, it was more than a year since my last visit - maybe things had improved since then.

They have not. I chose Queen’s Castle 2 purely because it was the only bar selling beer for less than ฿100. A poor choice? Definitely.

One of the King’s Group bars, Queen’s Castle does offer the infamous “shows” of Patpong, but these seem to be no longer exclusive to Patpong (more on that here).

Anyway, I went up the stairs into the bar, sat down and ordered a Singha, and gazed in horror at the “girls” this place had to offer. Not a pretty bunch, I’m afraid.

Oh no, the show’s starting. And a portly Thai woman of at least 50 takes to the stage, armed with a blowpipe and a handful of lawn darts. She has a pretty decent range, I must admit, but it’s still something of a grotesque experience. Other feats follow, before she slopes off to beg the other customers for tips. I finish my beer and leave, never to return…